


White Picket Fence

by monbebextra



Category: Supernatural, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Brotherhood, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monbebextra/pseuds/monbebextra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchesters and their broken family find themselves facing something that is far beyond their control. Sure they have handled a few apocalypses in their day, but this was different. This was a disease that kept killing after death. Something they couldn't control, a fate they couldn't alter. And it was tearing them apart. </p><p>(Supernatural -- The Walking Dead crossover)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brain Over Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So I started watching a new series, The Walking Dead, and I LOVE it so I just had to make this crossover(: It's actually one of my first times writing a crossover so tell me what you think, this first chapter and maybe the second also doesn't have any characters from twd YET, but I promise that is a thing that will happen(;

They always thought they could solve everything life threw at them. Hell, they have. They managed to stop a few apocalypses in their day. But this was different. This was cruel and this was a disease. All they could do was kill and keep killing, there was no hope, no saving people, no family business, no apocalypse, no God. Nothing. They thought they could handle every cruel thing life threw at them but they never once expected something like this. A dead end in more ways than one.

"Burn or bury?" Sam asked coldly from where they were temporarily staying in an abandoned cabin in the woods, far from the cities, hoping no walkers would travel out this far. Sam was kneeling beside a body, a body that used to belong to a friend, an alley they picked up along the way. A body that now belonged to the disease waiting to wake up from inside. Dean didn't say anything, just cocked his gun and motioned for Sam to step back, resting the barrel against the body's forehead and pulling the trigger.

"Hunter's funeral." He said simply before walking out of the cabin, receiving a sympathetic look from Castiel who was sitting on their sleeping bag, reading through an old Bible they had found in one of the drawers of this abandoned place, even though he knew the whole story from personal experience. Sam sighed and scratched the back of his head before bending down to pick up the body, receiving help from Kevin who had come jogging into the cabin from his and Charlie's watch when he heard the shot.

"Be careful. Don't do anything you would normally do." Cas called after him almost coldly as Dean walked out the door, slamming it behind him. It was getting closer to winter, they would need to find somewhere warmer to stay instead of staying on the road. This cabin was the first place they've slept besides the Impala after the virus broke out. But Dean knew it wouldn't be safe to stay in one place for too long. One way or another a herd always makes their way out of the city and into the woods in search of food, taking down whole camps. He's seen it happen before and couldn't risk it happening to his family. He'll take the yelling and cold stares from all of them as long as they're alive.

Dean placed his gun back on his belt, walking out into the forest to get some fresh air and space away from responsibilities when he heard Charlie call out after him from where she was sitting on the cabin roof, feet hanging over the edge and swinging back and forth, binoculars around her neck and a rifle at her side.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

"Out." Dean smirked sarcastically, waving her off before continuing on his trail.

"Not alone you aren't." He didn't bother turning around, listening as Charlie made her way off the roof, calling inside for Kevin to take back over the watch before running after to him. Dean sighed, peace and quiet was never an option with these people. Charlie didn't say anything, just filed in beside him, slinging the rifle over her shoulder as they walked. They made it twenty minutes into the forest before she spoke up. That had got to be a new record.

"Cas is worried about you." She deadpanned, looking over at Dean as if expecting him to break down and go back to the cabin with her just because she mentioned Cas. Dean just went back to looking forehead, watching for any movement in the trees that would indicate a walker.

"He's always worried about me, what's new?" Charlie scoffed, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face her.

"Don't do this." She hissed, keeping one hand on his arm and brushing her fingers through her hair frustratingly with he other.

"Do what--?"

"Act like you don't care! You were close to Andy, I know it, we all were. And you just shot him in the head like it didn't bother you at all--"

"He would have turned, I had to do it. He was dead anyway, Charles--"

"That isn't my point and you know that. You've grown cold, Dean Winchester. I don't care if you think that's the only way to survive this, it's not. You haven't held a longer conversation besides how to dispose of a body, who's watch it is, or who would be going on the supply run next, with your brother. Sam is worried too he just doesn't show it as obviously. Kevin tries to help you out with runs and bodies and all you do is push him away. And Cas... you were engaged to him once upon a time before all this happened for God's sake--"

"God sure as hell has nothing to do with this." Dean breathed, pulling away and turning back down the trail they had come from, leaving Charlie watching after him in failure.

"All I'm saying is we need you to come back. The real you, the old you, not this shell of a man with nothing left to lose. It's breaking us apart." Dean kept walking, making sure to listen out for Charlie's solemn footsteps following behind him as the sun began to set. He knew she was right, he just didn't want to admit it to himself. After a few more paces he saw a movement in the corner of his eye and turned around just in time to send a knife through a walker's eye that had been a step away from Charlie's neck. Charlie had a delayed reaction, jumping to the side and pointing her gun at the fallen biter, just as edgy as always, causing Dean to grab her hand before she could shoot the dead thing and attract more than Dean already attracted with his stupidity earlier with Andy's body. Dean just sighed and made sure the body was disposed of properly before wrapping his arm around Charlie's shoulder. Keeping her close as the sun set and the woods darkened. He couldn't risk anything. Not anymore. They'd have to leave this cabin by tomorrow.

"Thanks." Charlie said softly a few minutes later, not sounding like she wanted to admit it.

"No need to thank a 'broken shell of a man'. What would he care?" Dean said sarcastically, managing a smirk and causing Charlie to laugh for the first time in a long time, playfully elbowing him in the side as they made there way back to the cabin.

It was dark by the time they were back, Sam was kneeling beside the burnt remains of the body, Kevin standing beside him, one hand on his rifle as Dean and Charlie made it out of the woods.

"It's about time." Sam muttered, not even bothering to look up as Dean passed them and walked straight into the cabin, Charlie staying behind. When he reached the door it opened before he had the chance to reach out for the knob.

"We need to talk." It was Cas. Dean knew this was coming sooner or later but he was hoping on the later. He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose before walking the rest of the way in just to get slapped in the face once the door was closed.

"What was that for--!"

" _That_ was for acting like you've been, I can't stand it any longer, you're not you. At least not the you I know. First off, you act like you hate me--"

"Castiel... You know that's not true." Dean softened his stare and tried to reach out to Cas but Cas just hit his hand away. "I don't know what to do, I'm doing the best I can to keep you guys breathing! What do you expect from me--?"

"Your heart maybe? The way you've been acting makes it seem like that's what's missing." Dean looked away, unable to hold Cas's glare, wishing he could just leave everything behind him and reach out to him but knowing that it would never work. Instead he just tried to ignore him, walking over to their blanket and sleeping bag set up towards the back corner of the room before sitting down with his back rested against the wall, running his fingers through his hair and squeezing his eyes closed, trying to clear his mind of everything that's been happening and failing. Trying to think about what Charlie told him. He felt Cas's hand on his shoulder but didn't bother looking up.

"Everyone of you keeps saying the same damn thing." Dean said softly. He watched as Cas kneeled down in front of him, reaching out to lift his chin up and meet his eyes, red as they were and watering like always. It was easier to turn off his emotions and elect to ignore everyone else's arguments. But when the same thing was coming from Cas... It was near impossible.

"Then why don't you listen? Give up this stubbornness of yours. I know how you are, probably better than all of us, and I know how you'll keep everything inside until it kills you. The anger, the pain, the fear... the guilt. You just layer it all with sarcasm and ignorance. Let yourself be afraid like any normal human being for once. I am. I've been afraid since the beginning, it's hard enough dealing as a new human. Kevin and Charlie certainly are and you should be able to recognize that Sam is too. No one would think you're weak for letting yourself be afraid. It's what makes you human." Dean dropped his eyes, scraping the mud off his boots and trying to keep his mind away from fear, knowing what Cas was saying was true but also knowing it wouldn't help them survive. When he didn't say anything Cas just sighed and stood up, about to turn away and ignore him again just like all their fights and talks ended these days before Dean reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Wait." Was all he had to say for Cas to stop in his path and tighten the hold around his fingers. "I'm sorry. I'm trying -- But it isn't enough. I can't focus on the heart of the situation when the brain is the thing that kills, the thing that comes back full of disease. I need to focus on keeping you guys alive but it's hard when you all look at me like that. I am afraid, Castiel. I'm fucking scared as hell. But not for the same reasons. I'm afraid of losing all of you, whether it be a walker or just my own damn self not showing how much I care about you--" Dean stopped talking before Cas could hear his voice catch. He wasn't weak. Dean winchester may be cold, but he wasn't weak. Cas finally turned around and kneeled down in front of him, not saying a word as Dean staggered foreword and finally broke down for the first time since all of this started, hiding his face in Cas's shoulder as if he could protect him from everything.

Cas was the only one who could take the fear away and multiply it at the same time.

  
"What do you think is happening in there?" Kevin asked after hearing the shouting, leaning on his shovel. Sam scoffed, shaking his head as he continued to shovel up the small grave they were going to bury the remains of the ashes in. They couldn't leave Andy like this, out in the open, burnt on some firewood and dead leaves.

"I don't much care to find out. Cas will break that stubbornness of Dean's one of these days, hopefully sooner than later." Sam looked over at Kevin who was still staring at the closed door and sighed when he decided to ask another question.

"Why don't you talk to him--"

"Because I'm not his fiancé. You'll learn a few things when you get older--"

"Pretty sure that's not how it works, you're just avoiding talking to him about anything that concerns your feelings because both of you are apparently Vulcan. And I'm not a kid, dude, I'm 19." Charlie snickered from the roof but went back to watching through her binoculars when Sam glared up at her. It took awhile to finish digging the grave, but by the end of it all there had only been about two walkers making their way out of the woods, only to be stabbed in the face by Sam and Kevin. They didn't want to risk firing a gun again, it would just attract more. They'd have to leave soon, it wasn't safe enough here, not after Andy was attacked on a firewood run and the two walkers that showed up tonight.

By the time Sam took over watch and Kevin and Charlie walked inside, Dean was already asleep, wrapped in Cas's arms like always as if everything was always okay, there as no use waking Dean up now to ask about the leaving plans, he needed sleep. He hadn't slept in days, it was a miracle Cas got him to sleep tonight. Kevin led the way into the side room that him and Charlie shared, falling down onto his sleeping bag and watching as Charlie walked over to hers, picking up the old copy of _The Wizard of Oz_ to read it for the thousandth time.

"You miss her?" Kevin asked from his corner of the room after a few minutes of silence, turning on his side and nodding to the cover of the book that showed Dorothy walking down the yellow brick road with the scarecrow, tin man, and cowardly lion. Charlie smiled as best she could.

"Yeah. Yeah I miss it all, but mainly her." Kevin nodded laying on his back and shining his flashlight on the decaying ceiling above. Everything here was dark, decrepit, and dying if not already dead. But they too were dead already. The dead walking. Once they die they'll turn into those things, no matter if they get bitten or not. Either way it all ends in death and more death. Kevin pictures Oz as the best sanctuary to be at the time, forget the flying monkeys, he would take them and the wicked witch of the west over the walkers and this disease any day.

"Do you think we could ever... find a way back there?" He asked. Charlie didn't say anything, just kept reading the same tattered story that she's read front to back, wishing she would be sucked into the book.

"I don't know, Kev. I want to hope but I also don't want to rely on that hope."

They left that morning, fitting anything and everything they could as far as necessities go into the Impala. Cas filed into the back seat next to Kevin and Charlie, Kevin complaining about being squished in the middle as always, Charlie watching out the window and listening to her iPod that only had about 30 percent battery life left since the last time they found an actual working outlet and generator to charge it. Sam was finishing up loading some more stuff before walking over to the passenger side, about to get in the car before Dean stopped him.

"Sammy, wait." He said, standing on the driver's side with his elbows resting on the roof of the Impala. Sam looked over at him, putting one more bag down before nodding his head for Dean to continue.

"About how I've been... acting since this all started... I'm--"

"I know." Sam interrupted, managing a small smile, "Me too."

 


	2. Heart Over Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean lets Sam take the wheel for once as they make their way to nowhere and everywhere all at once, looking for somewhere to call home but coming up short without gas on a country road. They meet some survivors and possible allies living in an old farmhouse down the road from where they were stranded, only to have disaster strike. "Nothing good ever gets left unspoiled."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know... NO I don't write at the speed of light, YES I already had this chapter and chapters 3-4 written so I will be putting them all up quickly. Chapter five is another situation in itself(; So I may have added some slight mentions of sabriel... There is also some fluffy destiel in this chapter since everything just goes down hill from here. Way down. Down down down... Okay, no spoilers(: 
> 
> (By the way this is a really long author's note)

They drove for what seemed like forever, stopping a few times to find and steal gas from cars built up on the highway, having to deal with the small herds of walkers that showed up. It was quiet, peaceful almost. Hours on the road soon looking over pastures and widespread fields that had the occasional walker limping around. They took turns driving for the first time since all of this started, Dean giving up the wheel to Sam who was more than happy to get a chance at driving for once. Kevin moved up to the passenger seat because of motion sickness and wanting personal space, leaving Charlie reading through _The Wizard of Oz_ again after her iPod died, and Cas taking a nap, using Dean's lap as a pillow. It almost didn't seem like the world was falling apart.

Someway up the road they came across an abandoned gas station, perfect for a supply run. Dean and Cas went in while Sam kept watch at the door and Charlie and Kevin stayed in the car. Dean wouldn't have allowed Cas to go but of course he didn't seem as if he even registered the words, getting out of the car and swiveling his gun off of his belt, loading it as gracefully as the angel he used to be before heading inside, calling back to Dean without slowing his pace or turning around.

"You coming or what, Winchester?"

" _Hot damn_." Dean muttered under his breath as he followed, Sam chuckling at the door and shaking his head, utterly done with the continuity of their flirting. There didn't seem to be any walkers in sight, but that didn't mean they weren't there. Dean walked down the aisles on the far right cautiously as Cas checked the back. He started filling his bag with canned food that still looked decent, anything with an enclosed wrapper or cap on it, some extra first aid supplies which only consisted of a box of princess pink bandaids, some gauze and wraps, and what was left of the medicine shelf. Alcohol included. Dean was reaching to pick up a blanket from underneath a shelf when he heard the same disturbingly familiar groaning and wheezing from behind him, turning around just in time to see Cas stab a knife through the fucker's head, dropping it at his feet.

"Be more careful, would ya? I'm not your guardian angel anymore, can't heal you." Dean raised his eyebrows and scoffed before turning back to pick up the blanket and throw it on Cas's head. Cas just stood there motionless, annoyingly cute with the knife in his hand and the dead walker at his feet, lifting the teddy bear printed blanket above his eyes so he could glare at Dean.

"It's yours now." Dean said smirking, trying to hold back a laugh as Cas just went with it, wiping the blood off his knife and hands on his already overly-stained jeans so he wouldn't get blood on the blanket before stuffing it in the bag. He kicked the dead walker out of the way and slung the bag back over his shoulders before looking over at Dean.

"Come here." He ordered softly, holding out his hand. When Dean just looked at him skeptically he groaned in annoyance and pulled Dean over to him by the lapels of his jacket before reaching up to wipe the few splatters of blood off his cheek and forehead. Dean laughed and pulled his hand away, lacing their fingers before diving down for a kiss, only to be pushed away playfully by Cas who couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation.

"Dean... Not now." Cas may have been saying those words, but he wasn't even trying to follow by them once Dean pouted his lips and played at the hem of his shirt. Within seconds Dean was being pushed back into the shelving walls, not having time to catch his breath before Cas's lips were over his, a smile cutting into his cheeks.

  
"What's taking so long? You think the walkers got in?" Kevin asked as he got out of the car with his gun on his hip. Sam just smiled knowingly and shook his head.

"They're taking a long time for a reason, Kev." It took Kevin a few minutes to process before he groaned in either disgust or annoyance, or both, causing Charlie to almost fall out of the car laughing.

"Hey, will you take watch for me for a few minutes? I'm going to check down the road." Sam said, patting Kevin on the back in thanks as he agreed to switch out with him before making his way down the deserted town street, looking to see if there was anywhere else they could ransack. What he really wanted was a little space and quiet. Charlie was a few steps towards following him when he told her he could deal and she should stay with Kevin. She was adamant about it but nodded in understanding before walking back to sit down on the curb outside of the rundown gas station. Sam made sure to keep the gas station in sight just incase something went wrong even though he knew they could all handle themselves. When he was far enough away from them he pulled out his phone from his pocket, knowing they'd have to find another generator soon to charge up everything, kicking a few rocks and severed body parts left behind by walkers out of the way as he paced down the street. He started going through the saved voicemails on his phone, which were admittedly the only things that still worked, and found the one he was looking for.

"Hey kiddo! So I was thinking giant chocolate factory, but knowing you that won't happen." Sam found himself smiling and frowning at the same time, missing the familiar voice that sounded slightly staticky through the broken phone. " _So_... Where do you want to go? We can go _anywhere_. Wherever you want, kiddo. Just give me the word. I know I can't zap us everywhere and anywhere now that I'm wingless but I still want to travel, as boring as those human inventions of transportation are. How about Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon? Anyway, call me back... I love you." The message cut off and Sam sat down on the curb of the street, the Impala in the corner of his eye, replaying the message again. And again. And again. There was no way he was gone. Sam knew he would find him one of these days, it was only a matter of time before they stumbled across an abandoned candy factory and there was Gabriel, sitting on a pile of empty wrappers. Sam chuckled to himself, putting the old broken flip phone back in his pocket before looking over to see Charlie watching him skeptically in the distance. He knew she knew. Charlie saw through all of them. Sam sighed and stood back up, making his way back down the sidewalk and keeping his hand hovering over his gun just incase of trouble. Just incase. Everything was preparation at its best until the problem actually hit and everything that could go wrong goes wrong because you freeze up or hesitate a little too long. If Sam hadn't hesitated they would have never been separated. Not everything was about preparation, everything was about not letting you heart mistake itself for your brain.

Not much time had passed after that when Dean and Cas walked back out of the gas station, hair messed up and poorly brushed back down, an obvious glowing smile on Dean's face and small, partially shy, smile sneaking its way onto Cas's as he walked past Dean to put his bag in the trunk.

"Find anything good?" Charlie asked as she made her way back into the Impala and Dean threw her a paperback book. _The Hobbit_. Her smile faltered for a small second before she started beaming.

"Thanks, Dean. It means a lot."

"It's just a book." He said humbly but gave her a knowing smile nonetheless as Cas slid into the seat next to her. Sam was sitting in the driver's seat already, silently twirling his knife in his hand.

"What about food and medicine-wise?" Sam asked without turning around as Dean put his bag in the trunk before closing it and sitting down next to Cas.

"Pretty good. Got you some pretty pink princess bandaids and Cas a teddy bear blanket." Dean teased and Sam laughed emotionlessly before starting the engine and taking off down the road, on their way to everywhere and nowhere all at once. Cas leaned over and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, lacing their fingers together over his lap and closing his eyes contently. Charlie smiled over at Dean before going back to flipping through the old copy of _The Hobbit_ , she always took pride in having a small part in fixing Dean and Cas's relationship. He couldn't thank her enough, the little sister he never knew he wanted but could never part with or deal without.

Dean watched out the window as the drove out of the small deserted town and back down the long country road that seemed to have no end, Cas curled against his side, finally letting his guard down. He missed this. No care in the world, never worrying about sleeping with one eye open and one hand on the gun. He missed never getting out of bed unless he had to, waking up every morning to Cas watching him with those blurry blue eyes of his, smiling when Dean wished him good morning by covering his face with lazy morning kisses. He tries not think of 'what would have been' because if he dwelled on the idea too long, the reality of the world now would tear him apart. He would hang on to the moments like these, just looking for somewhere safe to build a home. The dream of a white picket fence and a green yard not even registering in the possibility category. For now, this was his white picket fence. But good things never stay unspoiled for long in this world.

They ran out of gas at possibly the worst place ever. In the middle of the goddamn country, fields on each side expanding out for maybe a mile or two before the forest. Dean was pacing around the Impala, Cas and Sam sitting on the hood while Kevin and Charlie walked up the street a little further to see if there was anywhere remotely close they could go to get gas or spend the night seeing as how it was already getting dark. Cas sighed and laid back on the hood, playing with his knife as Sam cleaned his gun. After a while of waiting and Dean obnoxiously pacing, Charlie ran back up the street yelling about seeing a farmhouse a little ways down the road.

"There's a fire going, that means survivors! We should check it out, maybe they can help." Dean was hesitant about the 'other survivors' concept but they ended up coming to an agreement to split up in two groups. Dean would go with Kevin and Charlie to check out the fire and supposed camp while Cas and Sam make their way down through the woods and fields to the farmhouse in the near distance. Dean was hesitant about splitting up but knew Cas and Sam could handle themselves, locking the Impala before walking down through the woods with Charlie and Kevin. The fire was still going, the RV lined up next to it. Just as Dean was close enough to call out and see if there were people occupying the RV, one of them came out with a crossbow pointed at his head.

"Who the hell are you and what business do you have here?" The voice wasn't coming from the one with the crossbow, but the guy standing behind him, making his way around with his pistol pointed at them. He was a sheriff by the looks of his tattered uniform.

"Our car ran out of gas up on that road over there. We saw the fire and thought maybe we could find some help here." Dean said calmly, reaching behind him to pull Charlie and Kevin behind his back protectively before putting his hands up in surrender. Another guy came out from the RV with a rifle in his hand and the one with the crossbow looked almost bored, spitting off to the side before nudging the sheriff with his elbow. There were no words shared between the two, just glances of mutual understanding before the sheriff slightly lowered his pistol and took a step towards Dean.

"If you want any business here, you're going to have to bring it up with the owner. You don't plan to stay, do ya? If we just give you enough gas to be on your way, you'll be off no problem." Dean nodded and could almost see the gears turning in this man's brain as he squinted his glare before taking a few steps back and looking over at the one with the crossbow. _They sure do have a lot to say, don't they?_ Dean was about to speak up when Charlie suddenly screamed and tightened her grip on his arm, followed by the sound of what seemed to be a herd of walkers from all directions. But how was that possible? He didn't see any coming down into the woods, they must have followed them from the town... Dean forgot about the guns and turned around to see the walkers making their way towards the small camp, Charlie had already stabbed through one of them but another was already trying to bite at her feet from where it was crawling across the ground on its rotted stomach, legs completely gone. Dean quickly yanked Charlie away, pushing her back into the other survivors who had turned their weapons from them to the walkers. He put a knife through the one trying to bite at his ankles before fishing another knife out of his back pocket to throw straight into one's eye as it as making its way towards them. Kevin had backed up into the small circle they had made, walkers on every side of them. They gave up on keeping it quiet, now firing off their guns as the herd seemed to grow in size. Dean was busy with a walker to Kevin's left when he heard an arrow rush past his ear, colliding with another biter's head that was inches away from getting him. He whirled around to find the guy with the crossbow nodding to him before he went back to slashing through the few walkers that had snuck up on him. Soon there were more survivors running down the yard from the farmhouse with guns, some stationed on the porch and shooting from there. Dean didn't have much time to focus on anything other than the oncoming walkers, but he couldn't help but take into consideration just how many survivors there were, and they kept coming. He heard a woman yell from somewhere off in the yard, shouting at someone named Carl to get back in the house. The guy in the Sheriff uniform must have heard her too because he was running off towards the sound of her voice within seconds. A few others had made it over to the small group they had formed, not even taking into account that Dean, Charlie, and Kevin were strangers to them before fighting alongside them. It was a whirl or gunshots and skulls cracking before Dean focused on a familiar scream further off in the distance. Screaming his name.

It was Cas. Oh _fuck_ , it was Cas.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ow, that ending, I'm sorry. Whelp, I hoped you enjoyed it nonetheless. And as I said before, the next two chapters may go up rather quickly because they're already written so you won't be left wondering what happens for too long(:


	3. Good Things Aren't Left Unspoiled For Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst   
> angst   
> angst   
> angst  
> some more angst  
> a whole lot of angst   
> whoop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically. I'm probably going to post the next chapter really soon so the angst can be resolved. But I hope you enjoy this chapter, probably one of the hardest to write, honestly. Also, don't be shy to tell me what you think(;

"What do you mean he's been shot?!"

"There's nothing we can do--"

"Where is he? Which one of you assholes mistook _my brother_ for a _walker_?!"

"I'm sorry, he's--"

"Where is he you sonofabitch?!" Dean felt a hand pull him back away from the strangers, turning him around with force before he could try and do anything he wouldn't be proud of later.

"Dean... he's pretty bad." Of course it was Cas.

"Why do you keep saying that like it's a death sentence?! We've dealt with worse. I need to know where he is so I can patch him up." Cas frowned and had to look away.

"You know we don't have the right supplies, Dean, don't pretend like you don't know how things work in this world. The few things we had brought with us from Bobby's were lost along the way and they're fresh out of anesthetic. They have no way of putting him under." Cas was covered in blood, the hand gripping him shaking. The strangers, who had now put the guns away, looked slightly sympathetic, the one gripping the crossbow's eyes shifting between the two of them with every movement they made.

"Your boy is in the house over there. They're taking care of 'em all they can, but we're not promising much. We're just tryin' to keep 'em comfortable. There's nothing any of you can do and he ain't doing so well himself. Daryl here will take y'all there." Dean flinched and lurched forehead to try and give the lead man in the blood-stained cop uniform a shiner. But Cas pulled him back, wrapping his arms around him in an attempt to calm him down, barley able to keep himself together. Dean let him. He didn't know what to do. There has to be another way. There always is. He always saves Sammy. That's his job, taking care of his baby brother. Always has been, always will be. Dean pulled away from Cas, still keeping a tight grip on him as if he could stop the shaking, and looked over at the one with the crossbow.

"You Daryl?" Dean asked emotionlessly, watching as the man nodded and lowered the bow slightly.

"That'd be me. Come on then." They followed the man down the pasture of dead corpses and blood-stained grass, Dean's mind not allowing him to realize the reality of the situation. Cas struggled next to him, slightly limping and flinching with each step as their pace quickened.

"Hey... You okay?" Dean whispered the question, looking over at Cas who managed a sad smile in return.

"What kind of question is that? My answer will remain the same. I've never been okay. Nothing good ever stays unspoiled, right?" Dean frowned and guided Cas to wrap his arm over his shoulder in order to support the weight. He wouldn't talk about it. Cas hasn't said anything about what happened. Dean has been so preoccupied with the assholes they ran into taking his brother after they shot him, he hadn't even seen if Cas was unharmed.

They approached the house and Dean quickened his pace as Daryl led them to the back bedroom where a few women were exiting with grimaces and surgical supplies. One with long brown hair and a skinny frame stopped them at the door, holding out her bloodied hand to shake Dean's.

"Hershel and us have done the best we can for now. He's stable for the night at least, we'll have to get the anesthetic we need by dawn. Its too dangerous to go out there at night. I truly am sorry, my son had gone through the same thing upon arriving at this farm. Not as bad I suppose, but your brother here looks like a pretty strong guy. I'm Lori." She smiled faintly, her eyes refusing to smile with her.

"I'm Dean... my brother over there is Sam. And this is Castiel." Cas smiled halfway, wobbling against Dean's side and pulling at his jacket, trying to get him away from the woman as fast as possible and over to Sam. Dean thanked the woman before turning around and looking over at the inevitable for the first time since entering the room. Sam was laying on the bed unconscious, his shirt ripped open to reveal the bandages spread over his chest that were soaking up the large amount of blood flow pooling over the wound. Over his heart. Dean almost tripped over his own feet in the process of running over to him. Cas had let go and was now leaning solemnly against the wall of the bedroom, looking down at his hands, unable to watch as Dean lost it.

Dean kneeled on the side of the bed and reached out to cup Sam's head in his hands.

"Sam...? _Sammy_?! Sammy, wake up. No..." He leaned down to check for a heartbeat and exhaled relief before checking out the wound to see how bad it was. The outcome wasn't pretty. "Oh _God_..."

"I'm damn sure God has nothing to do with this." Cas whispered coldly from behind him. "Never has, never will." Dean didn't bother looking back at Cas. He knew the expression that would be on his face. He's seen it before. The last time he had heard that tone coming from Cas it was from a place and time he'd much rather forget. Dean reached out and grabbed Sam's hand, panicking slightly when he felt how cold it was already. He had the unreasonable and stupid idea of trying to warm him up again as if that would bring Sammy back to health instantly with no problem. He rubbed his fingers over his hand anyway, not knowing what to do, panicking for sure now and trying not to look at the blood.

"Fuck, Cas, what are we going to -- he's too cold -- this isn't working." Dean was reaching out for Sam's other hand when Cas pulled it away, turning him around in the process.

"Dean. _Stop_. Look at me." Dean felt lightheaded, it couldn't be from the blood, that smell was as good as routine to him by now. No, he was losing it. He could handle the ghosts, the demons, the walkers, and Lucifer himself... but the thing he could never handle throughout his whole life as hunter was seeng his little brother like this when he could have had the chance to prevent it.

Dean refused to look at Cas, pulling away from him and turning back to Sam again, trying to rearrange the poorly done bandages over his chest, making them slightly tighter to try and control the bleeding, but not too tight. He's done this so many times he didn't even have to think about it, jumping up from the floor to get a blanket or two from the other side of the room to put around Sam, leaving the wound and bandage visible.

Dean turned around when he heard Cas slide down against the wall, unable to keep himself up on his bad ankle any longer, breathing sharply in pain.

"Are you... Did you--" He mind suddenly came back to him and he recognized reality again, rushing over to Cas, checking every inch of him for bites and scratches frantically.

Cas caught hold of Dean's hands to keep him still, "I didn't get bit, Dean, I'm okay."

"Castiel."

" _Dean_." Cas said sarcastically with a haunting smirk and pained laugh. He was hurting bad and Dean didn't know what to do about it. He couldn't fix everything, he could barely fix himself.

"We'll figure it out... we will. We'll laugh about this later on, Sam Winchester taken down by some rednecks during a zombie apocalypse, he'll be so angry every time we mention it, giving us that bitch face of his. You know he will. Soon he'll laugh about it too..." Dean trailed off, hardly believing his own words as much as he tried to. Cas just flicked his eyes away again and leaned back against the wall.

"What are we going to do...?" He asked quietly. Dean took his place next to Cas, trying to calm himself and concentrate on something else, knowing he couldn't do anything to help as much as he tried. He reached over and lifted up Cas's hand to observe the blood he had seen earlier. There was more than he could see in the dark, it was all over, not just his hands. The blood was sprayed over his white button down shirt that was almost stained black by now, smudged on his face, and across his knuckles. He must have punched something the wrong way in a hurry, his hand was defiantly broken, bruising up big time. Cas flinched when Dean softly rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand.

"What happened. You punch a walker? If you did you sure as hell did it wrong."

"So what, you're going to grade me now? If so you should take into consideration how I almost got your brother killed by freezing up during an attack. Well you can say I actually did get him killed, he's already--"

"Don't say that..."

"Im just stating the facts, Dean, and all I've got to blame is myself. For thinking of you of all things because I'm an idiot. The walkers cornered us, you had fallen back to check out the small camp by then, that's when they came out... " Cas paused, looking back over at Sam's limp body on the bed and flinching. "I... I had tripped over something, who knows what, that's what's wrong with my ankle. By the time I was back on my feet, limping like I am, I heard a shot. The walker in front of me went down but those assholes didn't stop firing. I knew. I knew the bullet was coming for me next but I froze anyway, unable to scream out, unable to do anything but stare in fear and think about how I'm leaving you in this dumbshit world in danger everyday. Not that I do much to protect you anyway, but being here makes me feel better about your safety, it gives me the opportunity to jump in front of those geeks if they go after you. It all happened too fast, I heard the shot the same second Sam had jumped in front of... he had... the bullet got him in the chest and he fell back into me, luckily knocking us both over so the dumbasses didn't keep firing. It's a good thing he's tall because it was aiming at my head I'm sure, no idiot shoots a zombie in the heart. There was blood everywhere... too much. That's when I finally found my voice again. I-- I... It should have been me, not him." Dean stared at Castiel in awe as he finally gave up at telling the story when tears started to fill his eyes, trying to hide his face from Dean but Dean reached out and gently grabbed his chin to turn his head back to face him.

"None of this is your fault. Any of us would have froze and any of us would have done what Sam did. We're family, Cas. I love you, if you don't know that by now--"

"But this is Sammy! I should be the one in that-- it should have been me..." Cas whispered that last part, hiding his face against Dean's shoulder as Dean automatically wrapped his arms around him like it was second nature.

"We'll figure it out. Everything. Sammy too. He's gotten through worse, it's not a bite, it's not written in stone." Dean soothed, not even believing himself but trying to have at least some hope. A world without his brother was a world unimaginable."Tonight we have to worry about helping get Sam conscious until we can get the supplies we need. And I gotta fix you up too."

"That won't be necessary. I'm fine."

"You're never fine. And I'm not asking permission. Come on."

By that time Charlie and Kevin had found their way into the living room of the farmhouse, escorted by a younger girl who was just as bloody and just as beaten up as the rest of the group they saw outside. When Charlie saw Dean come out of the room she finally crumpled her posture as if she had been holding all her worry in with her breath, running over to him and wrapping her arms around him so fast and tight that he almost fell over.

"Easy Charles." Dean hushed but hugged her back nonetheless as Kevin walked in and checked on Cas. The girl in the doorway watched them carefully, a rifle in her hand.

"Bathroom is up the stairs to the right. You should wash up. " She said emotionlessly, not bothering to make eye contact with any of them before leaving the house, swiftly shutting the door behind her. Dean managed to pick Cas up, ignoring his complaints and protests, knowing he wouldn't have made it up those stairs with that broken ankle.

"I'll fix Cas up, in the meantime you two should go stay with Sam. Keep pressure on the wound and -- I don't know anymore... we'll figure it out, just-- help."

"Why? What happened to Sam?" Kevin didn't know. By the look on Charlie's face, she did. But somehow, the bad news hasn't gotten to Kev yet. Dean didn't have time for this at the moment, Cas was still shaking, probably shock, the new human thing hasn't gone down well with him. .

"Charles, explain." Is all he said before making his way up the stairs, Cas cradled and moaning complaints in his arms.

The bathroom was small but they'd manage. Dean softly put Cas back on his feet, letting him lean against the wall as he messed with the shower, already stripping off his bloody clothes in the process. He heard Cas chuckle emotionlessly from behind him.

"What?"

"Your brother is possibly _dying_ in the other room and we're stripping in the bathroom. This is ridiculous Dean, I'll be fine. I _am_ fine. Sam isn't. If anything I can wash this blood off myself, my ankle isn't that bad, I'm sure I'll be able to balance myself somehow. You need to go down there and--"

"Cas, stop. You're not fine and I'm not leaving you alone." Dean walked over to him, starting to unbutton the blood-drenched shirt the rest of the way off before hanging it in the shower. Followed by every over item of clothing that needed to be washed of blood. Which was just about everything of Cas's. Dean made sure to keep their jeans, jackets, and some of his un-bloodied clothes dry, piling them in the sink. They haven't seen a warm shower in months. Sam will love the shower once he gets better, he's been complaining about the apocalyptic uncleanliness for weeks now. And he _will_... get better.

"I'm not fine either." Dean admits softly, not waiting for a response before guiding Cas over the elevated level of the shower and under the warm water. The shivering doesn't stop, the blood washing off and trailing down his tan skin until it reaches the floor of the shower, creating a puddle of pinkish-red water at their feet. Dean reaches out to grab Cas's shoulders to keep him balanced when he shows signs of falling over, looking quite lightheaded and close to breaking down. Cas doesn't say anything, instead he just grabs Dean's arm, pulling him under the water and clinging to him, arms wrapping around his waist and face stuffed into his shoulder. Crying.

Charlie had watched as the two made their way into the bathroom before turning to a frantic Kevin who looked near hyperventilation.

"Tell me." Somehow Kevin had managed to keep his voice calm even though he was freaking out. Charlie didn't say anything, she couldn't. Instead she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the closest room where the door was left open, not knowing exactly what to expect. Expecting the worse. She had heard the gunshot but could have sworn it was Cas who had been hit until he had screamed out for Dean. Dean had her and Kevin stay near the camp when he ran towards the sound of Cas's scream. Always like Dean to not let her help as if she were some kind of death magnet. He cared about her, he was only trying to keep her safe. But it was downright annoying sometimes.

"Oh my God." Charlie pulled herself out of her thoughts and followed Kevin's line of sight. Sam was laying on the bed, blood starting to pool on his chest where... Shit. "Oh my God!" Kevin repeated, running over to the bedside and dropping down next to Sam, frantically checking for bites and scratches and coming up with nothing but a bullet wound way too close to his heart. It tore through the skin pretty bad too. Charlie didn't walk the rest of the way into the room. She didn't want to see Sam like this. Instead she turned on her heel, the smell of so much blood including what was on her own clothes making her nauseous, leaving Kevin trying to keep steady pressure on the bandages with shaking fingers and red eyes. When she turned the corner she ran straight into an older man that most likely ran the farm, he had more medical supplies in his hands, they had said one of them was a vet.

"I'm... I'm sorry. Just a little dazed. Umm, my boys are upstairs washing up, Kev is in there with Sam. We're really thankful for the... the hospitality aside from the fact that your men shot my best friend. Oops. Im being rude, sorry. No... not sorry, I should get to be rude, Sam's dying. I've been to Oz, y'know as in _The Wizard of Oz_? I had a girlfriend there... she's still there, waiting. Better life than me I suppose. Did I mention the two boys of mine upstairs are together, I gladly set them up. Yup, that was all me. Well me _and_ their undying love for each other. It's kind of chilly out... Merry Christmas. It's coming isn't it. No one really knows these days and--"

"Dear... Are you alright. You're starting to--"  
  
"Ramble. Yeah. I tend to do that when I'm really worried or when I'm really upset because I don't know what a else to do with myself, I'm not much help in these situations..." Charlie paused, having to steady her breathing as tears started filling her eyes, "they should be done with that shower soon, Dean always knows what to do. He's great, love that guy. His brother... Sammy's great too, pretty badass the both of them--" that's when she finally lost it and started sobbing. She wasn't one to break down easily in front of people, but this was all different. There wasn't much hope left in the world anymore and it made Sam's chances smaller. She heard Kevin jogging out of the room at the sound of her sobs and found herself being spun around and forced into an embrace, the old vet watching the two of them sympathetically.

"Everything's going to be okay... Charlie, he'll be fine. He always comes back from everything, he's strong. He's Sam freaking Winchester, nothing keeps him down for too long."

  
Cas's shirt was soaked and bloody, most the blood now only old stains after washing it, but it would take awhile to dry. Disregarding all of Cas's protests Dean managed to slip his plain black shirt over Cas's head, saying he'd find another shirt in the duffle they had left out in the Impala later. Cas was still slightly shivering and Dean didn't know what else to do besides layer him with his long-sleeved plaid shirt also, looking a little too big on Cas. That left him shirtless with only his jeans and green jacket, but he didn't mind. He would just have to get some layers before heading out to the high school just inside of town where they said they had gotten supplies from before. Apparently it was swarmed with walkers but Dean wasn't risking a whole night of Sam dying on him. He'd wait until Cas was asleep, no one had to know where he was going.

"Dean, I'm not cold. I'm fi--"

"You're shaking." Dean reached out and held up Cas's hand to prove his point, "and if you say 'I'm fine' one more time--"

"Okay, the shock then, I'm apparently a wuss."

"Give it up, Castiel, you're staying warm whether you like it or not. Come on, lets not waste anymore time." Cas eyed him skeptically but made his way out of the warm bathroom anyway with Dean closely in tow just to find Kev and Charlie sitting at the bottom of the staircase.

"Charles, how is he?" Dean called as they made their way down the steps. Kevin turned around and shushed them, apparently Charlie was sleeping, head and mop of curly red hair resting on Kevin's shoulder.

"I just got her to calm down, she's not taking it well. Neither am I, I guess, but I'm managing. Sam... He's pretty bad Dean. Hershel is in there now doing what he can to help, he said we wouldn't want to be in there, that it'd get pretty nasty. I've elected to hold him to that." Dean helped Cas down the last few steps before sitting down next to Charlie, Cas slowly sliding down the end of the railing until he was on the floor, spreading out his hurt leg and winching.

"We should bring the Impala closer to this house, let Charlie and Cas get some rest."

"No. I don't feel like sleeping." Cas muttered, punching Dean in the stomach with the force of a five year old with a broken arm when he tried to protest.

"You see, you can't even harm me, how do you suppose you're gonna be going up against a walker. You are sleeping so you can get your strength back and if you think that's not helping you'll also be looking after Charlie."

"I know sometimes you don't think so, but Charlie can take care of herself just as well as I can. Of course in your eyes that's probably close to nothing." Dean just frowned silently and leaned down to kiss Cas's forehead. After awhile of silence from all of them Cas gave up and rested his head on Dean's lap from where he was sitting a step down.

"I won't sleep unless you're with me. I don't trust you out of my sight."

"Never thought I wouldn't enjoy possessive-boyfriend coming from you."

"Well get used to it." Cas murmured, his voice raspy. Dean needed to get him to sleep, he looked about ready to pass out. Dean couldn't figure out what was wrong. It wasn't the ankle, it wasn't a bite (Dean already checked his whole body three times just incase he had been lying), it wasn't the cold, Cas was used to the new human body heat concept by now, it wasn't his hand, that wasn't so bad. Maybe he's right, maybe it was just shock. He's never seen Cas like this before, it must have really scared him. And he doesn't scare easily.

Somehow Dean managed to get out of Kevin and Cas's sight long enough to fetch the Impala and drive further onto the farm where they could be safer from walkers and closer to Sam. The farmer crew with guns didn't like that idea, getting in front of the car before he could drive any closer. He almost got into it with them until an older woman with a short pixie haircut came up to the window alongside a Korean kid wearing a baseball cap. Of course holding guns.

"You shouldn't sleep out here. It's winter, way too cold for y'all to set up camp or sleep in this car. Don't you want to be close to your brother?" Dean stared at the woman in shock, were they actually inviting them in?

"It can't be too cold if some of you are set up in that RV out there by the woods. If anything, that's far from safe." Dean remarked but the the Korean kid just shook his head.

"We don't sleep out there. We kept the RV out there for the watch shifts. Daryl, Rick, and I were on watch earlier, guess the fire grew too big or something." Dean just nodded in understanding, feeling guilty about being the reason the walkers came. It wasn't the fire, they had followed them out of the city. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been more careful.

"It's the least we can do while your brother is... well never mind that, we've all lost someone and we know how you feel--"

"We haven't lost him yet." Dean whispered, holding the unnerving glare of the Korean boy. He parked the Impala anyway, grabbing their sleeping bags and extra blankets along with the duffle bags from the trunk before being escorted into the house. These people seemed a little too trusting and that's what worried Dean. All the survivors he's come across so far have tried to put a bullet in his head for no reason at all. The only reason these people put a bullet in Sam was mistaking him for a walker. That was bound to happen sometime, they all needed orange vests or something. Not that Dean was anywhere close to liking or even forgiving them at moment. Not until Sammy was awake and alive and healthy.

"What are you doing, Carol?! We ain't bringing the strangers in our home! Glenn, you should know better." It was that damn sheriff again. Dean was about to walk right out the door again so no unnecessary trouble would start up while Sammy was under the care of these people, but Carol stopped him, reaching out and grabbing his arm gently.

"Think about how you felt when your boy got shot." That was all she had to say to make the sheriff's stance weaken.

"This is different, our people are sleeping in this house and they can be--"

"Killed, bitten, you name it, it ain't safe out there at this time and we are the ones that hurt one of their own. Not a walker, us." Dean shifted his eyes between the two of them, always keeping his hand hovering over the knife on his belt whether there was immediate danger or not. Just instinct now. As if it wasn't enough before.

"Only if they all stay in that one room." Was all the sheriff said before walking away, glaring at Dean with bloodshot eyes as he did so. The Korean kid, Glenn, nodded to Carol and Dean before following him out the door, leaving Dean and Carol staring at the two very tired and very bloody individuals still sitting on the staircase. Cas wasn't there and Dean knew to calm his worry, knowing Kev and Charles would be freaking out if something actually happened. Cas must be with Sam. Dean smiled and walked over to them, picking up Charlie as easily as a bag of feathers while she was still out cold. They got 2 or 3 hours of sleep on the road every now and again, but that was it. None of them have had a good night's sleep since the cabin. Carol smiled at Kevin and shook his hand.

"Carol, nice to meet you." Kevin looked cautious but managed a small smile anyway.

"Kevin Tran. Should I be glad to meet you or--"

"You don't have to worry about us, we're a mainly friendly group."

"It's the 'mainly' that worries me." Kev let go of her hand but smiled nonetheless as he went to pick up the bags and blankets and Carol walked them into the room Sam was in. Cas was curled up on the edge of the bed, just staring at Sam as if that would miraculously heal him. It used too, a long long _long_ while ago, before he fell and all this started just in time to complicate his newly human life. Kevin had already been laying out Charlie's sleeping bag right between the bed and the wall, unzipping it so Dean could lay her down before he messed with the extra blanket and zipped it shut again. Dean was surprised Charlie hasn't woken up yet and slapped him in the face for letting her fall asleep while Sam was hurt. But he was glad at least one of them was getting the sleep they needed. Dean turned back around to Carol and held out his hand.

"I'm Dean by the way. Dean Winchester. My brother over there, that's Sam. And my... my umm--"

"Complicated, suicidal, intolerable, human wreck of a boyfriend." Cas muttered, not taking his eyes off of Sam. Dean frowned and turned back to Carol who had raised her eyebrows but didn't look judgmental in the least.

"Fiancé actually, not that it matters much in the world today." Dean didn't turn around to see if Cas looked up. He was spot on about the 'complicated'.

"Old traditions matter a hell of a lot." Carol said smiling before sighing and patting him on the shoulder. "Well, sleep good tonight guys, hopefully your brother can last out the night. There's always hope, right? We had recently re-bandaged the wound so the bleeding isn't as bad as it was..." Carol didn't look as if she believed or agreed with her own words but Dean didn't bother to say anything, just thanked her again for the hospitality before seeing her off, the door shutting behind her. Kevin had already set up his own tattered sleeping bag and blankets between Sam, Charlie, and the door. Always putting everyone before himself... Just like Dean. Dean sighed and started laying out his and Cas's blankets on the other side of Sam's bed and getting a long-sleeved plaid shirt out of the duffle to put on so he wouldn't freeze.

"She seems nice." Cas muttered, sitting up on the bed and finally looking up at Dean.

"Yeah... Yeah, she does. So does this old vet guy, Hershel I think." Dean walked over to help Cas off the bed and guide him over to their sorry excuse for one, laying down next to him, rolling onto his side as Kevin circled the room a few more times, checking out the window, checking Sam's wound, bandages, and pulse, checking the windows again, checking everything in sight until Dean finally told him to chill and take the first shift for watching over Sam, knowing he'd be going to get the supplies they needed in a matter of time.

"So... Promise you aren't going to leave on me and go on some suicidal mission." Cas whispered, curling himself along Dean's back and wrapping his arms across his waist and chest almost protectively. This place was a lot like purgatory, if they could survive that, they could survive this.

"That's a big promise to make." And he wouldn't make it, because once Cas was sleeping that was exactly what he was doing.

 


	4. White Picket Fence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is off on a suicide mission to get the medical supplies they need to help Sam, along with an unexpected guest, while Cas, Kevin, and Charlie are left trying all they can to keep Sam stable with the help of the old vet who owns the farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not rather sure how soon I'll get chapter five posted , I need to start paying attention in Latin class instead of procrastinating by writing fanfiction... But anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really love getting to write Dean and Daryl fighting alongside each other because they're both bamfs(;

"What do you mean he went _out_?!" Have you seen 'out'?" Charlie was pacing the room with her hand on her gun, Kevin still sitting on the edge of Sam's bed, well aware of everything that was going on and focusing on keeping Sam as stable as possible, fixing the bandages, keeping pressure on the wound but not too much, checking his pulse, keeping his forehead cool with a washcloth since he started running a fever. He seemed out of it, everything else going on around him not mattering at the moment.

"Charlie. I couldn't stop him. No one could have, you know how these brothers are when it's down to the other's life. I was... I was going to go myself after convincing him to stay. It didn't work. I wouldn't have got far with this ankle but I wanted to try--"

"I'll find him."

"Charlie, no. No, we're not losing anyone else, I need you here. Dean will be okay, he always is, isn't he?" Cas didn't much like his own words but didn't have time to dwell on it when Kevin started shouting from the bed.

"Sam?! _Sammy_! Cas, what's _happening_?!" Cas turned around just as Charlie ran over to the bedside. Sam was seizing. "Sam. Sam wake up. Wake up, Sammy! _Sam_!"

"Let it happen! Don't hold him down." Both Charlie and Kevin turned to look at Cas with shared looks of astonishment and disbelief.

"What?! Are you insane, we need to--"

"He's right." Castiel spun around to find the old vet, Hershel, standing in the doorway. He nodded thanks to the old man before rushing over to Kevin and pulling him off of Sam, holding him back as he struggled against him. "Just look at him, Castiel!" Cas couldn't look, he knew if he did he'd try to stop it even though that would just make it worse, Sam had to let it out. Charlie was backed up against the wall, trying to look anywhere but Sam, humming to herself as a distraction when he started screaming out in pain. Soon enough it did let out though, and Sam was back to being unconscious, his wound bleeding more than before. Cas let go of Kevin as Hershel walked over to rearrange the bandages and check on the wound again.

"When the bullet hit him it broke into about three large fragments that are inching towards his heart. I haven't detected internal bleeding yet, but that could be an issue now that he's running a fever. The main problem we're facing is how close to his heart two of the fragments are, I already took one out but we're going to have to get the other two quick."

"Thank you." Cas said, turning to the man and shaking his hand unsteadily. "We haven't met yet, I'm Castiel."

"I've heard a lot more than I've wanted to about you from your red-headed friend here. She rambles when she's worried." Cas just faked his best smile and turned to Sam again, fixing the untucked blankets that were now falling off the bed. Trying to keep his mind occupied. "I heard that one of your men, the brother I would suspect that you are... close to, has gone off looking for the anesthetic and supplies. I wasn't going to say earlier, but he has the right idea if he wants to save his brother's life. Sam won't last 'til morning for sure without having the surgery. If he doesn't make it back--"

"He will." Cas stopped tucking in the blankets, his hands slightly shaking and angering him so he stuffed them in his pockets. "He will."

"I do hope so. You guys seem like a nice bunch unlike some of the people that end up at this farm. I'm sorry about what happened, none of us meant for this." Cas nodded solemnly and finished tucking in the blanket under Sam before stepping back and putting his arm around Charlie, who immediately hid her red eyes against his chest. She always hated breaking down in front of people, she didn't want to seem fragile even if she were tearing apart inside.

"We may need to start blood transfusions, that's how we kept Carl steady last time this happened before we got the supplies we needed. Are any of y'all the same blood type?" Kevin shook his head and Charlie didn't answer but Cas already knew she wasn't either.

"I am." He said.

 

* * *

 

Dean cautiously drove the Impala into the parking lot of the high school, an unexpected guide in the passenger seat.

"Why are you helping?" He asked as he cut the engine and loaded his gun, draping a rifle over his shoulder. Daryl looked over at him before scoffing and getting out of the car, his crossbow on his back. _Not much for talking, is he?_

"I know how it is to lose a brother. Especially one who might still be livin', might have a chance, but no way of helpin'. We've lost a lot, it's putting all of 'em on edge. Especially after Dale." Dean didn't bother asking who Dale was as he made his way out of the Impala and joined Daryl, pulling out the crumpled list of medical supplies from his pocket. Just as he was going to mention that there actually weren't many walkers around, a herd of them rounded the corner of the school.

"Shit."

"What'd ya expect?"

"Some time maybe. Where's this medical supply or whatever it is?" Daryl pointed at the trailer vertical from the gymnasium and behind the herd of walkers coming at them. This wouldn't be easy. They couldn't just start firing because that would attract more and more walkers until they were fully cornered. They couldn't just run around them, this wasn't a science fiction novel where the main characters always got away safe and unharmed just because they were the 'good guys', this was reality. And also, there were way too many of them to weave through without at least being scratched, bitten, or circled. Option number three? Distraction.

"I'll lead them my way, knock out a few with my knife whereas a gun would just attract more of those fuckers. Once I lead them away you can make your way into that trailer. Here's the list of what we need." Dean handed the crumbled piece of paper to Daryl, who looked disappointed that he wouldn't get to be the one distracting the walkers, slinging his crossbow over his back distastefully as he looked over the list.

"You sure you don't want me to help with those geeks?" Daryl asked, they were running out of time as the herd got closer, seemingly bigger than expected, and he just wanted to kill something.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Okay, stay out of sight until I lead them my way."

"Will do. Don't get yourself eaten."

"I'll try."

 

* * *

 

Cas sat down on the porch steps, he felt a little lightheaded, they've already done two transfusions but it didn't seem to be holding up. It was late, really late, and the night just seemed slightly darker than usual. Hopefully it was more lit where Dean was, but Cas knew that wasn't a possibility. He heard that one of the other group had gone with him and that gave him a little more hope. At least he wasn't alone, someone was there to bring his tattered body back if that is what it came to. But Cas couldn't think of that. He also couldn't think of the screams and painful moans coming from the house. Sam has only woken up twice and it always goes south. Way south. He heard that once Sam even asked for Gabriel. Cas hasn't heard that name mentioned for what has seemed like ages now. But Charlie told Cas that one of the times he woke up, Sam was certain Gabriel was still with them and became frustrated, asking _why won't you just let me see him?_ Cas hasn't gone in there, he couldn't see Sam like is, he couldn't.

"He'll be okay. Both of them will." Cas turned to find Charlie sitting next to him, leaning against his shoulder. He hadn't even heard her come out. "But it's you I'm slightly worried about at the moment. Please don't do anything stupid like Dean would. You guys are like two sides of the same coin, always making a bigger mess of things and putting yourself in danger, but going by doing it in two different ways. He's the heads and you're the tails, and you'll both end up dead in the end of all of it if you keep it up."

"Why is he heads?"

"Because of that thick skull of his. Hardheaded asshole." Cas allowed himself to laugh but couldn't stop the worry if he tried.   
  
"Watch what you say, he is my fiancé. But there is a lot of truth in your words." Cas managed a small smile just thinking of how things would have turned out if this whole disease thing hadn't happened. The regular hunts, the learning-to-be-human, the making-things-right-with-Dean... the being-a-great-husband. That would probably never happen now. Not in this world.

"It's always so cute when you say that." Cas dragged himself out of his thoughts and back over at Charlie who was looking out at the dark field with dead eyes and an expressionless face. "Fiancé. After everything you've been through, the world going to hell and back, in the end you still call him that as if one day everything will be okay and we can actually have a nice home again, maybe green grass and a white picket fence with a cat or two. Dorothy would love a cat..."

"I'm not sure that's possible, but I still cling to the small things anyway, _fiancé_ being one of them because it resembles a future. A good one. An actual hospital for Sam, a way back to Oz so Dorothy could be part of the family, maybe even a honey moon without worrying about walkers." Cas trailed off, he didn't know what he would do if Dean... if he didn't... he tried not to think about it.

 

* * *

 

"HEY YOU SONSOFBITCHES, WANT SOME WHITE MEAT?! I TASTE _GOOOOD_!" Dean ran out in front of the walkers, knocking out a few in front that were getting too close before running the other direction, away from Daryl and the trailer. It was a good plan up until Daryl made it into the trailer and another herd came from the other end. So now he was stuck, in the middle of two herds of walkers, with no back up.

" _Shit_!" He knocked out a few more that had reached him, stabbing his knife through one's eyes and another's forehead. He wouldn't be able to hold them back. He got out his gun and shot three of them from the other side that were getting too close and stabbing the few coming behind him.

"Fuck this." That's when he ran, away from the path of the trailer of course, towards a fence, firing the gun off a few times behind him and killing about five of them. It wasn't enough. The fence was the only open path and there was no way over or through it... _Dammit_. Dean rested his back against the fence, catching his breath and reloading his gun. He will kill as many bastards as he can manage, Daryl will get those supplies to Sam for sure. He'll be okay. The walkers will be too busy attacking him and won't pay attention to Daryl. He'll make it back. They'll save Sam.

Dean shot a few more that were ahead of the pack, starting to panic as the herd crowded on all three sides of him, using the fear to beat the living shit out of all of them. He just kept killing, as much as he could manage, staying clear of teeth and nails. Slowly losing space and energy.

_I'm sorry Cas._

That was when an arrow went straight past his face and got a biter behind him that was inches away from his throat. Daryl.

"Come on now ya little fuckers, I taste better." Dean sighed in relief as Daryl shot down a few more and the walkers started to disperse, some still heading for Dean, some for Daryl. It was less to deal with and soon enough Dean shot and stabbed his way through a small group of the herd, clearing a path to meet back up with Daryl who was busy slamming an arrow through one's eye.

"You got it? All of it?" Dean asked as they started running back towards the Impala, firing behind them. Daryl just nodded to his backpack and smirked. Soon enough they were out of the high school parking lot, away from the herd of walkers, traveling back to the farm.

 

* * *

  
"Why are they not back yet, it shouldn't be taking this long unless something happened!" Cas was pacing the yard now, a hand hovering over his pistol, trying not to think. He was dizzy, really dizzy, the world spinning around him. He'd forgotten how many transfusions they had done but he didn't care. It wasn't helping much at all and Dean still wasn't back. Carol, the Korean boy he learned was named Glenn, and a tough blonde by the name of Andrea were all watching him skeptically and sympathetically as he paced.

"You should sit down, you don't look good." Carol said softly, grabbing his arm to try and steady him. Charlie, Kevin, and some of the other women from the farm were all crowded in that small room with Sam. Something happened. Something bad. Cas didn't know what, he wouldn't go in there. They keep telling him if Dean doesn't get back soon with the supplies, they will have to operate without the proper medical supplies and anesthetic. Cas could imagine the screams in his head and decided not to dwell on it.

"Hey, is that... IT'S THEM!" Cas whipped his head around to find the Impala driving up the path. _Oh god please be okay please be okay please be okay_. He couldn't move, everything was spinning and he felt like he was upside down, head throbbing and sight filling with black dots as if the reality of his health finally surfaced now that Dean was here. He just stood and watched as the two of them ran out of the car, handing the bags off to Glenn who was running them into the house. Dean was alive. Cas forgot about his hurt ankle and ran over to him, colliding into his chest and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, nails digging into the plaid. The impact made them stagger slightly and Cas finally lost his balance, the dizziness of the blood loss overwhelming him, bringing Dean down with him.

" _Never_ do that to me again." He breathed into Dean's neck. "God I love you. I love you, I hate you, I love you, you hardheaded asshole." Dean tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob, wrapping his arms around Cas's lower back and stuffing his face in his shoulder.

"Y'all are killing me." Daryl said sarcastically from behind them, shaking his head disapprovingly before managing a smirk and walking past the pair, making his way inside to check and see if the supplies they got were doing good. Dean pulled back from Cas's shoulder to see if he was okay, reaching up to put the back of his hand to his forehead.

"You're really hot--"

"I'm pretty sure I look like hell at the moment--"

"No, no I mean you're burning up. When did you start running a fever?" Cas sighed and just fell back against Dean's chest.

"Nothing you should worry about now, we need to get to Sam." Dean nodded and stood up, helping Cas up with him. Within two steps the ground felt like it flipped and Cas found himself tripping over nothing, almost falling back down and hurting his ankle worse.

"Okay, that's it, you're not walking." Dean said, picking Cas up and jogging inside.

  
The surgery went well thanks to Daryl and Dean's supply run. If Hershel would have started operating any later Sam wouldn't have made it. Dean would have said it was a miracle if he didn't know better. They were allowed to stay at the farm until Sam healed up, he still hasn't woken up since the surgery but his pulse is even, the bullets are out, and there's no fever or any other signs of something going wrong. He's healthy, stitched up and alive. That's all Dean could ever ask for. Kevin and Charlie were making friends, helping out with the barn chores to keep themselves occupied. Dean had already gained Daryl, Hershel, and Carol's trust. They might be able to stay here awhile before moving on. Cas just needed some rest and a cup of tea or two before he started feeling better again, allowing Dean to wrap up his ankle and knuckles with the medical tape they had found at the high school. He's been attached to Dean's side since he's returned from the midnight supply run. They haven't left Sam's side, sitting in the blankets beside his bed and waiting. Waiting for him to wake up. It hasn't been that long, maybe about seven hours or so. Cas refused to sleep even when Hershel told him he needed to. He wanted to be awake when Sam woke up, no matter how bad off he was himself.

"You haven't said anything since I came back." Dean said finally, nudging Cas with his knee. Cas just groaned tiredly from where he was resting his head on Dean's lap, curled up like a cat just like he always has. Dean doesn't know why, maybe it made him feel safe in purgatory and old habits just stick with you.

"I'm just tired." He said, lifting his head to look up at Dean. "You look tired too--"

"Well _I'm_ not." Sam piped up from the bed, voice slightly more raspy than usual but just as sassy as always.

"Sam." They both announced at the same time before jumping up and rushing to the bedside. Dean dove down and hugged Sam as best he could manage in their current awkward position, making sure not to hurt his wound. He wouldn't let go. He wasn't intending to.

"Uh, Dean... I love you too and all but... personal space?"

"Nope. Never letting you go again baby brother. You aren't leaving my _sight._ God, I was so worried. Sammy don't you _ever_ \-- I just... I thought I lost you. Shit Sammy, out of all the stuff we've been through, everything we've gone up against, you get shot down by a human. A redneck apocalyptic farmer/zombie killer at that."

"There was a good reason behind it all." Sam said, looking over at Cas and causing him to look down at his hands.

"Do you feel okay? Is the wound healing pretty well? Anything still hurt? Fevers, headaches, nausea, dizziness--?

"Dean, I'm okay. I mean yeah I'm sore, I got shot in the chest, but I'm fine. Stop worrying and go find Kevin and Charlie for me, please." Dean nodded, finally letting go of Sam before hesitantly going to fetch Kevin and Charlie, not wanting Sam out of his sight again, leaving Cas sitting on the edge of the bed, reaching out to grab Sam's hand.

"Thank you. I... you shouldn't have done what you did but I'm thanking you anyway. I thought... I thought I would never get to tell you." Sam's eyes softened and he yanked on Cas's hand, pulling him down for a hug.

"It's what family does for each other." He whispered before letting Cas go, smiling one of his famous sunlight-filling-up-everything-bad-in-the-world smiles that made everything seem like it would be alright again. Like that dream of the house with the white picket fence and some apple pie cooling in the window wasn't as impossible as it seemed. 

 


	5. Woodbury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters leave the farm behind to start searching for a place to call their own. In other words, they're back on the road again. After a few months of driving and sleeping in the Impala, they come across a town off of some back roads. Welcome to Woodbury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long and I hope you all had a great holiday season(: 2014 is just around the corner and we all know what that means(; "No matter how many details you alter, you will always end up here." 
> 
> I'm getting off track... Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I'm sorry in advance for the horrible cliffhanger... oops. I'm apologizing a lot lately.

It has been almost a month or two since they left that farm in the rearview, but no one really kept track of time or days anymore. All except Sam, who was constantly looking at the old watch Gabe had given him for their anniversary. Dean wasn't sure if he was actually keeping track of time or just looking at the thing, but he didn't feel like asking. He didn't know how he'd be able to cope with this whole situation if Cas had been the one to get separated from them, it would tear him apart. Therefore he didn't want to strike a nail in Sam's weak coverup of being 'fine'.

They didn't stay at the farm as long as they wished they would have. After about a week of Sam healing up and Cas's ankle healing as well, they were ready to get back on the road. Kevin and Charlie didn't want to leave, they had made a few friends and were helping out a lot with the farm and supply runs. Charlie was saying how homey it all felt but Dean knew there had to be something that would screw everything good over. There was always something. It had been nice there though, not as many walkers making their way to the farm, long stretches of flatland that made it easy to spot the ones that came out of the woods. It was nice. Up until they realized that those people kept walkers in their barn hoping to one day cure them... always something, right? But they needed to find their own home anyway. Half of the group hadn't been too happy about the walkers in the barn either, Dean didn't want to stick around to see the outcome of their differences, it wasn't worth it. So they said their goodbyes and were off, living off the road as they've been doing since this whole thing started, just surviving. Not entirely _living_ , but surviving.

"Welcome to Woodbury." Cas said sleepily from beside Dean, watching out the window as they approached an old sign.

"What the hell is a Woodbury?" Sam asked, finding out soon after when they became surrounded by survivors with guns and sour faces, guarded fort-like walls with snipers lined up on top in the background. _Great_. "That's not what I imagined a Woodbury would be... I'm rather disappointed." Sam said sarcastically, gaining a laugh from Charlie despite the situation at hand.

"Why does this always happen to us?" Kevin asked, straying away from the window when one of the guys beat on it with his gun, causing him to flinch and fall back into Sam. Sam pulled Kevin further away from the window before rolling it down, smiling at the fugly older man who had one hand missing, replaced with a dirty looking blade. He smiled rottenly before pointing his gun at Sam's head with his other hand.

"Hey, we're just passing through and got lost on these back roads. Not to cause any trouble or anything, but can you give us some sort of direction out of here?" Sam used his most polite getting-out-of-a-ticket voice even though he was entirely fed up with other survivors holding guns to him. It was a zombie apocalypse for fucks sake, why were the humans trying to off each other? It made utterly no sense at all. But whatever floats their bloat. At the moment, they had the gun. Not saying that Sam didn't have one right under his seat in a moment's reach, but then again, he didn't want to cause trouble.

"Y'all ain't causin' no trouble just sittin' there in your crappy car-"

"Hey! Baby's a 1967 Chev-"

"We're just cautious of strangers." The guy went on, completely ignoring Dean, who was now pouting as Cas rolled his eyes at him. "What I'm getting at is... We always welcome survivors if they're not a threat. If y'all want to take a look around, get some medical help or anything-"

"Really, we're just passing through-"

"Wait a second, Sam. This place looks like a pretty good setup. We should check it out since we're going to run out of gas soon, and you should heal up some more." It was Kevin, still practically on Sam's lap but looking more confident about the man glaring at him through the open window. Dean whispered a curse at Kevin from the backseat but Charlie followed up with reasons why he had a point. Soon enough Cas was agreeing as well, saying Dean was just adamant because they insulted Baby.

"I guess we can try this place out for a few days-"

"Trust me, you'll want to stay longer than that once you settle in-"

"We're not the settling-in type..."

"Sam. Think about it, this is as close to civilization we can get and I know you've been checking every camp we pass for Gab-"

"Kevin. Stop." Kevin looked down at his hands and Sam sighed before looking back out the window at the group of impatient people with guns at their sides and knives on their belts. Nothing they couldn't handle.

"Okay.

* * *

 

It was a pretty good set up. They actually gave them a spare house to stay in that had three bedrooms. With a bed. Plumbing. Electricity. Food. Everything seemed like it was normal again. Dean didn't like it. Of course Dean never liked anything that he didn't provide for them himself. Cas could tell he was in one of 'those' moods again, seeing as how he wouldn't leave the room they were staying in, groaning into the pillow that they shouldn't trust strangers and it was a bad idea and 'remember what happened last time we checked out a survivor camp?' Cas told him he was going out and left the room before Dean could make up the many excuses why he should stay inside with him.

It was already dark when Cas walked out into the street, they had spent the whole day looking around the small town and making sure there was nothing weird going on. They did get to talk to the guy who apparently runs this place. He calls himself 'The Governor'. Dean didn't like him and Cas took his side on this one. He was extremely shady, if Cas was using the term correctly, and he kept glaring at them wearily when he thought no one was watching. Charlie was just happy there was a library, that's where she spent all her time today, even made a few friends. She was good at that. Cas... not so much. Kevin tended to stay by her side and Sam tended to stay by Kevin's side. Just like Cas tended to stay by Dean's and Dean tended to stay near all of them. It was a never ending circle of protection and codependence that was fit to end in disaster.

"Hey... what are you doing all the way out here?" Cas didn't recognize the voice at first, but he remembered the face the second he turned around. It was Andrea. The blonde from the farm.

"I am uh... why are you here? What happened at the farm? Is everyone okay?" Cas walked over to her under the streetlight as a few people passed them on the street with unsteady looks. Andrea's eyes darkened at the mention of the farm but she kept a smile on her face as she reached out to hug Cas.

"That's a conversation for another time-"

"No. That's a conversation for now." Cas had caught onto a lot of Dean's negotiating skills, which came in handy whenever they had arguments. Usually over pie and pillows.

"Where's your other half? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be out here alone at this time of night. You know there's a curfew, right?" Cas just laughed and shook his head, stuffing his hands in his back pockets.

"Curfew? I thought that governor guy was joking. Who the hell gives a curfew during a zombie apocalypse?" Andrea just rolled her eyes at him.

"Philip does. And so far, he's been keeping this place pretty safe if I say so myself."

"Oh, so that's his name, huh?" Nailed it. Man, he wished Dean was here so he could gloat.

"Okay Cas, lose the sarcasm, I know this isn't you. I'll tell you about the farm if you just give this place, and Philip, a chance. This is the closest you guys will ever get to a safe haven-" Andrea cut off and looked past Cas's shoulder and Cas didn't have to turn around to know it was Dean. He smiled to himself when he felt Dean's arms wrap around his waist from behind.

"Thought you'd show up in a matter of time. Do you just sense when someone who isn't part of the family is within a few feet of me?"

"It's my spidey senses-"

"I thought you were batman."

"Bat senses." Cas laughed and uncurled Dean's arms from around him, glaring at him humorously before gesturing to Andrea, who continued on like a broken record.

"I really think we should get indoors. Don't want you two getting in trouble with The Governor the first day you get here-"

"What does she mean by that?"

"Apparently there's a curfew here."

"Are you kidding me. She's joking right?"

"No, _I'm_ not joking. Just listen to me and get back to the guest house so I can explain." Dean didn't look convinced, nor happy about the situation, but decided to head back to the room anyway, wrapping his arm around Cas's shoulder. They walked back down the sidewalk, a few feet in front of Andrea, Cas nudging Dean's side with his elbow, proudly whispering _did you hear me?_ Dean just smiled and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

* * *

 

Sam was sprawled out on the floor of the town library, looking through the old law books he found that wouldn't do him any good in whatever was actually left of society today. But he liked to pretend the world would go back to normal someday. If reading old fantasies was the way to go for now, so be it. But there was always the small voice in the back of his head telling him no matter what happens to the world, there will never be that white picket fence with planned holidays and steady jobs, not while there was the men of letters to keep up and the family business to continue. It was a dream Sam didn't even think he wanted anymore. He'd grown too attached to hunting because it was all he's ever known and the only thing he's ever done. He couldn't imagine a world without it.

"Sam. Charlie's going to go back to her room. It's getting late and we keep getting weird looks from the people leaving. I have a feeling we're not welcome here." Kevin was sitting indian style by Sam's head, putting down a copy of _The Wizard of Oz_ and eyeing him worriedly. Charlie had made maybe one or two 'friends' that stuck around a while to hear the stories of where they came from and where they were going. But those few had left a while back, the only people that had remained didn't look very welcoming and have already taken their leave. They were alone now. The quiet was starting to make Sam uneasy.

"You're right about the welcome party, Kev, I don't think these people take kindly to strangers. But seeing as how the last welcome party consisted of a bullet in my chest, I think we'll be fine for the night. If you still think it isn't safe here by tomorrow, we'll leave. Okay?" Kevin nodded his head in understanding and looked up as Charlie walked over to him, smiling when she saw what Kevin had been reading.

"You know Kev, you can borrow my copy anytime if you're interested." She said, her eyes seeming lost in another world but her smile beaming reality. Sam sat up from his spot by the bookcase and put away the law books he'd been reading, making sure Charlie couldn't see their covers, knowing she'd have a hell of a time with that. A few interventions and slumber parties trying to get him to pour out his feelings to her while she braided his hair. Not happening.

"What are you new-comers doing in here so late? You missed curfew." Sam recognized the voice and it made him scowl. That governor guy was standing in the doorway of the library, forcing a fake and way-too-worked-on smile. Kevin mentioned earlier to Sam that all the evil villains had an eyepatch and a wicked grin. He had laughed it off then, whispering to Kevin not to be rude, but this guy did seem pretty shady. Especially for the fact that he wouldn't introduce himself by his name. Just 'The Governor'. As if he were too important for a simple name-to-name basis. Kevin shared a glare with Sam as Charlie just rolled her eyes at them and walked over to the man.

"Curfew? So, there _is_ an actual curfew around here? I thought you were joking." The man just forced his best politician smile and patted her on the shoulder, Kevin tensing from beside Sam.

"Does this face look like it's joking?" He asked, smile fading within a blink of an eye and causing Kevin to gain two steps foreword before Sam pulled him back. The man just laughed at their cautiousness towards him, trying to relieve the tension from the room before Sam pulled out a knife. The knife he had made sure to hide in his boot for precautions after this man made sure to take all their weapons away. The Governor had said that armed citizens wouldn't be safe nor reasonable in this town. That they had snipers on each borderline on the blockades to keep the walkers out. Sam didn't buy it and Dean _really_ didn't like it, but they were already in and they needed to stay in for at least a night so these people wouldn't get the wrong idea. Keep your enemies closer. If they should even be considered enemies yet, The Governor was the only one Sam was iffy about.

"So when will we get our firearms back?" Sam ask nonchalantly, trying to start conversation without being too pushy. The man just chuckled and shook his head.

"Once we know you're not a threat. But there is really no need-"

"No. There's a big need." Kevin cut in and Sam threw curses his way under his breath.

"And why's that, son?" The Governor asked with the most fake, biggest, grin yet.

"He didn't mean anything by it, _sir_." Sam made sure to put as much sarcasm to the title as he could, "We should be going, you mentioned a curfew, and we've been on the road for a long time so getting to sleep in a real bed would be great." Kevin pinched the back of Sam's arm and Sam nudged him back angrily with his elbow, keeping a smile on his face all the while. The Governor nodded his head to the door and moved out of the way for them to pass.

"Of course." He said with a distrustful smile. Charlie waited for Kevin before angrily grabbing his arm and pulling him outside, followed shortly by Sam who eyed the man cautiously as he made his way out the door. Once out onto the street Charlie dragged Kevin by his ear down the sidewalk. Sam couldn't help but find the whole thing humorous.

" _Hey_! Ow! What the _hell_ , Charles!?" She let go to pull him in front of her so she could stare him in the eyes. No one wanted to be at the receiving end of that glare whenever Charlie was angry. Not even Dean.

"Don't screw this up, Kev. I know you don't like the guy, but this is our best chance at a home. A home besides the Impala and the smell of walkers, blood, leather, and booze-"

"Hey, it's not _that_ bad-" Sam cut in, but Charlie continued as if not hearing him.

"Why do you turn everything good into a hazard or a danger every time! And _you_ , Sam." Sam stopped laughing and put his hands up in surrender when Charlie started making her way over to him. "I can see through your fake smiles and sarcasm. I know neither of you trust this guy, and I'll admit he has his shady moments, but give him a chance at least." Kevin just rolled his eyes from where Charlie couldn't see him before turning around and making his way down the dark street in an angry huff.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow. I'm going to bed." He called over his shoulder. Sam followed after him, leaving Charlie glaring at the two of them before following.

"Hey kid, you get the couch, remember? Bed's mine."

"Nuh-uh"

"Yeah-huh."

"I'm older."

"You don't act it."

"Okay you got me at that. But I get the bed anyway."

* * *

 

Dean was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard and legs crossed leisurely. Cas was lying next to him, paging through a book he found in the nightstand drawer as the night went on and his eyelids became heavier. They both stared at Andrea as she continued pacing the room and explaining the events of the farm. Dean couldn't believe they would just leave her behind like that, but he knew they must have survived. People like Daryl don't get taken down by a few herds of walkers and a flaming barn.

It sounded worse now that he thought of it.

"Are you sure they left you _purposely_. I mean, you said the herd from the city was getting uncontrollable, they probably couldn't get back to you if they tried." Cas said, lifting his head from behind the book and yawning. "Either way, I'm sure they'll find this town at some point, it'd be nice to see some people we trust. But-"

"-about this Phil guy." Dean finished for him, causing Cas to punch his side. "Do you actually trust him? What's this whole no weapons and curfew thing about. What's he trying to prove?" Andrea sighed and stopped pacing, siting down in the chair by the door and looking up at him with tired eyes. Cas moved from beside him, rolling off the bed and onto his feet.

"Can't this wait 'til morning, Dean? I'm going to go wash up, it's getting late and some warm water and sleep would be great." He said his thanks to Andrea before walking into the bathroom. Dean caught the unsaid invitation and tried to hurry the conversation up to join him.

"He's right. We can go over everything tomorrow. I'm sure one night won't kill us." Dean said with a smirk. Andrea smiled back but her eyes darkened and seemed unsure.

"Yeah. Well, I'll leave you two to get some sleep. Cas was right, It's nice to see some people you trust again." She smiled once more before getting up and leaving the room, softly closing the door behind her. By the time the door clicked shut Dean was jumping off the bed and running into the bathroom.

  
They took a detour on the way back to the guest house their staying in. It was one of the spare houses cleared out in the town after a family 'left'. Sam was still slightly weary about the sudden opening, but as Kevin said, not tonight. Getting to bed early would have helped if they remembered the way back after taking this said detour because Charlie thought she saw a stray cat and wanted to chase after it, already picking out a name for it. Of course it went down an alley, Sam couldn't help but laugh at the horror movie-like situation.

"No... I get the bed." Kevin kept up the argument as they made a few more turns and ended up getting even more lost in the small town, further away from the lined-up houses and closer to unpaved roads with one big house ahead of them.

"If you keep this up we'll just share the bed and you'll have to deal with my abusive sleeping habits."

"I can make do with that-"

" _Kevin!_ That was supposed to get you to change your mind-!"

"Would you two shut up? I thought I heard something..." They both stopped walking and looked over at Charlie who was staring at the end of the alley that led to a cross section on the unpaved road, nearing that larger building Sam had seen in the distance . That building was familiar-

"Isn't that The Governor's place?" Kevin asked and Sam shushed him, listening closer to the noise Charlie was pointing out. It sounded like... walkers. But that couldn't be right. He pushed ahead of them anyway and walked over to the building, finding the source of the noise easily, along with the cat Charlie had been chasing and named toto. The cat turned and hissed at him when he got closer, scratching at a cloth that was covering a hidden cage taller than Sam and about ten feet wide. When Sam took a few steps closer the cat ran off again and Charlie groaned in annoyance.

"Is that-"

"I think so." Sam said, signaling the two of them to stay back as he reached for the cloth covering. Kevin stepped a few feet in front of Charlie and reached back to grab her hand, she didn't push him away this time. Sam slowly pulled the cloth off to reveal a cage full of walkers, groaning and reaching towards him through the rusted bars. He staggered backwards and stared in shock.

"Why would anyone do this-?"

"Maybe he thinks he can find a cure like Hershel-"

"I don't think so Charles, I don't trust him. He took our firearms-"

"Just get over that already, Kevin-"

"You don't understand, Charlie, he said it was safe but it's not. We need our weapons incase they get out-"

"Guys, _STOP!_ " Kevin and Charlie cut off their argument to look over at Sam who was backing away from the cage in shock and tripping over his heels, falling back onto the ground and cursing. Kevin ran over to him, not even bothering to look at the cage as Sam's breathing accelerated drastically and tears started to fill his eyes.

"What is it? What's wrong-?"

" _No_... no no no no, he can't... _NO_!" His voice cracked on every syllable and his shout echoed too loudly to stay unnoticed. Kevin tried to reach out to him but Sam just pushed his hand away and tried to stand back up, muttering something about opening the damn cage, but unable to steady himself enough to stand. By that time Charlie had realized what he was looking at.

"Oh my... Oh my _God._ Kevin... Kevin you need to get him out of here _now_." Kevin made the mistake of turning his back on Sam to follow Charlie's view, meeting the eyes of a familiar face. he thought he'd never see again. Certainly not like this.

 

 


	6. Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face is found inside of the cage of walkers the mysterious Governor is keeping outside his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took too long because I wasn't happy with it and I was preoccupied with other things. Anyway... It's slightly shorter than the previous chapters and all over the place... at least that's what I feel about it. By the way It's full of angst, sorry in advance. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless and I promise to get the next chapter up earlier this time (:

  "Apple or cherry?" Sam peered over his book to see Gabriel sitting on the kitchen counter, legs swinging nonchalantly as a smile spread across his face.  
  
  "Why are you asking? If it's about pie, Dean's the one you go to-"  
  
  "Now why would I make a pie for Dean? In what universe?" Sam rolled his eyes but set his book down, walking over to Gabe and grabbing his legs to stop their persistent swinging before pulling him closer and leaning down to kiss him.   
  
  "How about we save the pie for later. Dean and Charlie are busy with a case today and Kevin went to get more supplies, knowing Cas is with him that will include groceries as well, and they won't be home for awhile-"  
  
  "What do you have in mind?" Gabe asked with a smirk, eyes falling to stare at Sam's lips. Sam scoffed and kissed his cheek before letting go and walking over to get his jacket off the chair and pull it over his shoulders.   
  
  "I thought the purpose was to get rid of layers, not put more on." Gabriel said sarcastically, jumping down from the counter and snatching a hold of Sam's jacket to pull him over.   
  
  "I was trying to suggest we get out of the bunker for once. Y'know, like a date of something?" Sam smiled shyly down at Gabriel as he laughed and stood up on his toes to kiss Sam again, hands reaching up to wrap around his neck and pull him down closer to his level.   
  
  "What do you have in mind? We can go _anywhere_."

 

* * *

  
    
  It was all a blur. Sam could hear Kevin yelling in his ear but it sounded far away. Almost like the sound of water, the thickness that mutes your screams and makes everything feel like you're trying to run through quick sand. Slow motion. It's peaceful in that water if you let it be. If you give up thinking and give up on the muscles holding you up and just fall. Fall under the waves where you can't hear the screams, the reality, the familiar groans of walkers. It was quiet and painless. But Sam couldn't stay under the water this time. This time was different.   
  
  "Kevin get him _out_ of here!" Sam looked up, making sure to keep his eyes away from the cage and locked with Charlie's. She was crying, her eyes puffy and watering but her face stern and unbreakable. Kevin was beside him, looking from the cage to Charlie and back again, as if not comprehending the situation, or just not wanting to.   
  
  "We need to open it. Charlie. Now." Sam tried to keep his voice calm but couldn't manage more than a few words. He tried standing up and reaching out for the cage, but Charlie put herself between it and him before he got there. Kevin finally realized the urgency of the situation and grabbed Sam's arms, trying to pull him back.   
  
  "Get my brother. Please. He can fix this, he always fixes everything. He'll fix this... Charlie let me open it." Sam tried for the cage lock again but was pulled away by Kevin. He couldn't let himself fall under, not this time, not this person, not again.   
  
  "Okay. Okay Sam. We'll go get Dean. Come on. We need to go." Charlie was using her everything's-going-to-be-okay voice. Sam didn't buy it.   
  
  "I'm sorry." He whispered, pulling out of Kevin's hold and pushing past Charlie to break open the cage. 

 

* * *

  
  
  "I still think this is one of your biggest dumbass ideas yet, trusting her." Rick looked over at Daryl from where they were hiding behind the barricade outside of Woodbury, watching after Michonne as she ran towards what she swore was the Governor's house. According to her he had taken Glenn and Maggie, but this is all coming from the woman who found her way to their new shelter at the local prison, bloody and half-dead. No one wanted to trust her, they were never good with outsiders and other survivors, more so than ever after they came across that bunch in the jail. Rick still didn't entirely trust the two of them that were currently hiding behind this blockade with him to help. But then again, he just has a hard time trusting people.   
  
  "It's the best chance we got at bringing 'em home, don't ya wanna find your brother? It's the only reason you're here right?" Rick asked, grabbing Daryl's attention away from peering around the blockade.  
  
  "Not the only reason." Daryl muttered under his breath, looking over at Rick through the corner of his eye before going back to peering over the blockade. "Anyway, the chick said this Governor guy sent his men to kill her when she chose to leave. And apparently the bastard is also keeping biters for sport, storing their heads in a room of his house like sick trophies... If he has Glenn and Maggie I'm obligated to help your weak ass in getting 'em far away from this insane fuckface." Rick laughed and nudged Daryl with his shoulder.   
  
  "Careful, you're starting to sound like you care-"  
  
  "Well someone has to keep these losers alive, and you ain't cuttin' it at the moment." 

 

* * *

  
  
  "Dean."  
  
  "Hmm?"   
  
  "Nothing. I thought I heard something." Dean yawned and opened his eyes to find Cas staring at him, inches from his face.   
  
  "Geez Cas.... It's probably nothing. One of your nightmares again?" Cas nodded his head and Dean wrapped his arms around him, pulling him against his chest. "Just go back to sleep. I'm right here, we're in a blockaded town, not the Impala. You'll be fine." Cas just sighed and hid his head under Dean's chin. It didn't take long for him to fall back asleep, but the next time he woke up, he woke up screaming.   
  
  "Cas?!" Dean reached out and held him still as the shaking started up again and Cas was still distant to reality. "Shhh, you're okay, we're both okay, why don't you tell me what it's about this time?" Dean had to deal with Cas like this ever since this whole mess started. He started having frequent nightmares that would either wake him up shaking or screaming. Neither knew what was causing this, Cas wasn't one to get scared easily, never was. But the weird part was that they always seemed to happen before something terrible. Like losing Gabriel and Andy dying... Prophet was way out of the picture according to Cas, but he didn't have an answer to what exactly was causing the dreams, they worried him just as much as they worried Dean. He started to wonder if they were like the premonitions Sam used to get... But again, neither could be sure. They needed to focus more on the zombie apocalypse and not the supernatural occurrences that used to be an everyday job.  
  
  Cas finally calmed down, cursing under his breath and hiding his face in Dean's chest. If there was one thing Cas hated more than this apocalypse, it was looking weak in front of Dean. It was a side effect of being human apparently, and he hated it. Cas was about to pull back and try to explain the nightmare to Dean when they heard it. A scream ringing out through the entire town that sounded oddly familiar, followed by guns being fired and chaos going on outside their window. Dean practically fell off the bed, pulling Cas with him and throwing a jacket on him before picking up one for himself and grabbing the hidden gun from under his pillow.   
  
  "Cas, was this... do you know what this is about?" Dean asked as he grabbed hold of his hand and ran out the door, staying clear of the fighting in the square and making his way through the smoke-filled alleys and sidewalks.  
  
  "Only the scream. Dean, it's Sam." 

 

* * *

  
  
  "NO!" Sam's scream could be heard echoing through the whole town, Kevin was surprised that freak with the eyepatch hadn't come out yet screaming 'curfew'. But he didn't care about that at the moment. He was trying to drag Sam away from the newly-freed walkers as Charlie slashed through a couple that were reaching out to Sam and Kevin. Sam fell back down to his knees and doubled over, Kevin's arms wrapped around his waist and under his arms, holding him as tight as possible. The man was twice his size, if not more.   
  
  "Sam... we have to go... _now_!" That's when they heard the gunfire in the street for the first time. It was coming from the middle of the town but it sounded closer than that. They weren't the only ones making a mess of things after curfew, but they didn't have enough time to wonder what the hell was going on.  
  
  " _Sam_ -!" Another voice came from the alley causing Sam to look up and see his brother running over to him, Cas following in tow with a gun at his side. How they managed to get that back was anyone's best guess. Once Dean saw the walkers he froze, stopping Cas from running past him and hiding him behind his back.   
  
  "What the fuck, Dean?! I can handle a few-" Cas moved from behind Dean's back to see Gabriel standing a few yards away from Sam, walking out of the cage. The cage of _walkers_. Gabe was a-  
  
  "No..." He whispered, Dean cursed under his breath as Cas ran past him.   
  
  "Charles. We need to get both of them out of here _now_ so we can take care of this." Dean pulled out his knife and took out the few walkers that were getting too close to Sam, he couldn't kill Gabe in front of Sam and Cas. They needed to leave. Charlie helped Dean kill the remaining walkers, Dean losing sight of Cas in the process and blocking out his brother's screams until they were standing in the midst of about seven dead walkers at their feet. Charlie dropped her knife and wiped the blood on her jeans, hands slightly shaking and mouth open as if she were going to say something but couldn't. Gabriel was closing in on them, eyes paled over and dead, watching as Sam reached out to him crying, a curious and hungry look covering his dead expression. A look Dean wished he'd never have to see, that his baby brother would never have to see. It wasn't Gabriel, It would never be Gabriel. It was a dead body. Dean ran over to his brother and nodded to Kevin to let go of him and keep Gabe back as long as possible. He kneeled in front of Sam and put his face in his line of sight.   
  
  "I'm sorry... but it's not him. We can't do anything about that. You just need to come back with me." Sam may have been looking at his brother but he wasn't _seeing_ him.   
  
  "Gabe... what about the Grand Canyon? What... what about _anywhere_? You said we could go everywhere. We can get passed this, go to Niagara, that candy factory you wanted to visit-"  
  
  "Sammy, please. That's not Gabe-"  
  
  "To _hell_ it isn't!" Sam was inches from Dean's face, glaring at him like he was the enemy.   
  
  "Dean... we can't hold him off for long. If we're going to take care of this we need to do it now."   
  
  "No. There's got to be a cure. There has to be..." Sam tried to stand back up and get to Gabe but Dean grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him back down. "There's always a way, Dean, we always find another way out, always. That's what we do." Dean's eyes burned and he dropped his head.   
  
  "Not this time, Sam. I'm not some kind of hero, neither are you and neither is Charlie or Cas or Kevin. We may know a little more about a lot of things, but the whole world is like this now and we can't save everyone anymore. We can barely save ourselves." Sam still saw right through his brother and continued fighting against his hold. Dean looked over his shoulder to find Cas staring past them with an empty expression, clutching the gun at his side and trying to steady his hand from shaking as he lifted it. Soon everyone was yelling at each other and Dean went back to keeping Sam still.   
  
  " _Dean_ we need to do this now-!"  
  
  "What the fuck is going on out there-?"  
  
  "We can't hold him off much longer-!"  
  
  "Where are those gunshots coming from-?"  
  
  "Let me go-!"  
  
  "He's gone-"   
  
  "No he isn't-!"  
  
  That's when the shot went off, ringing and echoing throughout the small alleyway, stopping all of them mid-sentence. Cas was standing behind Sam and Dean, his arm shaking and stretched out with a gun pointed at where Gabe used to be standing, tears streaming down his hard expression as his fingers loosened and the gun fell at his feet. It took Sam a few seconds to realize what just happened before Dean reached out and pulled him to his chest, trying to mute the scream that came out of his mouth and keep him from seeing the aftermath. That was when Sam finally let himself go under. Let himself give up and drown when he had been keeping his head inches above the water this whole time, gasping for air while there was still hope that he'd find him.   
  
  That hope was gone now. 

 

* * *

  
  
  Daryl lost sight of Rick but he didn't go searching for him through the gunfire like some kind of hero. That wasn't him. Rick would be the one to get these people out of here, they had Glenn and Maggie they just needed to get out. Michonne was keeping the Governor busy but not the Governor's army of misfits. He still hasn't found his damn brother and he wasn't leaving until he did. Rick knew that. Daryl took shelter behind a a small barricade made out of plywood and some sand bags and stray metal. Probably wasn't the best place but it was the closest. He heard yelling in the distance followed by a truck starting. They must have gotten everyone there. The plan was working, now they just need to flee and not be the sentimental bastards they are. Daryl peered over the barricade again and shot through the smoke created by the frequent gunfire, smirking proudly to himself after hearing the aftermath of his perfect aim. He kneeled back down behind the barricade to put another arrow in his crossbow when he saw a shadow running towards him from his side carrying a gun and shouting something. He pointed his crossbow at the shadow for precaution but quickly lowered it when he realized who it was. Dean fucking Winchester skid onto the ground as a few bullets flew over his head, sliding in next to Daryl behind the blockade.   
  
  "Thought I'd never see you again." He said with an emotionless smirk, his eyes were red and there was dried blood on his forehead and neck. "What is this by the way? Are you guys having a domesticated war or something, what the hell? We finally find a decent place to settle down for a few days and all this shit happens-"  
  
  "The leader of this place-" Daryl cut off to shoot over the barricade again, taking down another misfit solider in the asshole's army, "is a psychotic bitch, okay? That's all you need to know at the moment, I could use some help if you're willin'." Dean nodded, though he's never been in a war or man-on-man combat before. He's only ever killed the supernatural, but right now he just wanted to shoot something.

 

* * *

  
  
  "Cas you need to help me get Sam back to the Impala, Kevin is getting our things from the guest house, we need to get out of here quickly and in order to do that you need to help-"  
  
  "I'm not going to run away with my tail between my legs while Dean's in the middle of whatever is going on out there-!"  
  
  "It's Dean, Cas, he'll be-"  
  
  "No. Nobody is fine anymore, Charles. Nothing about anything will ever be _fine_. And no one is telling me what to do when it comes to Dean anymore. He's right, he's not a hero and he needs someone to keep him in check. That's me. And I don't give a fuck what you have to say at the moment, I'd follow him to hell, and you need to get yourself, Sam, and Kevin out of here." With that Cas was gone with the gun on his belt, leaving Charlie alone in the alley with Sam clutching her jacket.  
  
  "Sam?" She asked, moving the hair out of his eyes as he sat up with an absent look in his eyes.   
  
  "Cas is right-"  
  
  " _Cas_ is being a dick-"  
  
  "No... He's being aware. We need to get out of here." Charlie frowned at him as tears fell down his cheeks even though his expression was emotionless. She didn't know how he could pull out of this one. She didn't know how he could ever be his definition of fine again. But everyone was right, that didn't matter now, she needed to be aware of the situation.   
  
  "Okay." 

 

* * *

  
    
  They didn't have much so it wasn't hard for Kevin to grab the few bags they brought from the Impala before taking off down alleyways, away from the fighting, towards where they had left it parked at the entrance of the town. By the time he got to it Charlie and Sam were already there, arguing over something. Kevin quickly ran the rest of the way and packed the bags into the trunk before wedging himself between them and asking what the hell was going on.  
  
  "Sam wants to get our weapons back from the Governor-"  
  
  "It's not as crazy as it sounds, there is a full on war going on right now, he won't be in his house, we need those weapons if we're going to survive-"  
  
  "Sam is right, Charlie-"  
  
  "Well of course you agree you him, seeing as how this whole day you've been complaining about the weapons. Why don't you go ahead and shout 'I told you so' in my face before running off on a suicidal mission." Charlie turned away from both of them, running a hand through her hair in frustration and sitting down on the hood of the Impala. Kevin turned to Sam and looked up to see his eyes soften. He looked like hell, dried tear streaks on his cheeks along with walker blood, his eyes were bloodshot and his face held the expression of a dead man.   
  
  "We can find other weapons, Charles, you're right. We should go now, before anyone realizes we're leaving-"  
  
  "Are you guys forgetting about Dean and Cas or do you just not care?! We can't just take off and strand them here-!"  
  
  "Kevin. They're together, they can handle anything. They aren't in this war, remember, they're just trying to figure out what is going on. We won't go far, just right outside of town, far enough to keep you two safe. If they don't show up soon I will come back for them, but only me, you hear?" Everyone was acting completely irrational. Why the hell would Dean want to get involved in this mess in the first place and why was Sam so eager to leave him behind? Kevin tried to throw a punch but Sam caught his hand before it could reach his jaw.   
  
  "Kevin, after everything, you two aren't going to die in a domesticated town at the hands of humans. You are getting the hell out of here, we aren't losing anyone else-!"  
  
  "Who died and made you boss." Kevin muttered sharply and Sam let go of his hand, staggering backwards. Kevin realized his mistake seconds too late and cursed under his breath as Sam took off into the town without a weapon. It was a suicide mission. Everything added up.   
  
 

  All three of them were on a suicide mission.


	7. Fallen Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH look I'm fINALLY Updating... sorry sorry sorry it's been awhile but anyway I hope you enjoy it, this chapter was quite difficult to write, whoop :) 
> 
> Feedback would be greatly appreciated as always ;)

  "What's the plan?" Dean looked over at Cas who was kneeling behind the bleachers with him, peering through the bars as people shouted and cheered, circling a fight. It was inhumane. Daryl was right about this guy being a sick bastard, those walkers that had been kept in the cage were used for sport, held back at a near distance by wire collars. Dean didn't know where they got the walkers they had now seeing as how Charlie and him got rid of all the ones left in the cage. This guy must be keeping them someplace else as well. How does he expect the town to be completely safe when he's keeping walkers inside the barricaded walls? Dean sighed and sat back on his heels, keeping his eyes on Cas as he waited for an answer.   
  
  "I don't know why we're still here in the first place." Cas muttered, loading his gun and not bothering to look over at Dean. The cheers of the crowd grew louder as two men were dragged into the town square with bags over their heads.   
  
  "Daryl saved my life, remember? Sam wouldn't be alive if he hadn't helped get the supplies we needed. I owe him my help if anything at all, and you should too." Cas just groaned and went back to tracing patterns in the dirt with his gun. The Governor started making one of his speeches again that everyone fell for even though he was full of shit and just trying to cover up his mess with kind words and promises.  
  
  "So I owe him because he saved _your_ life. Sounds reasonable." Cas muttered sarcastically under his breath. Dean didn't bother replying, the man just shot his brother. He had a reason to be acting the way he was, Dean just hoped that it wouldn't get him killed. As long as Cas was at his side and in sight he'd be able to keep him out of immediate danger. But knowing Cas, that would be harder than expected.   
  
  "I asked you where your loyalties lied and you said here!" The Governor was able to be heard over the cheering and sounds of agreement, walking towards what must have been Daryl's brother. One of his eyes was covered with a white bandage. Dean didn't know how what happened but he was glad it did.   
  
"Well prove it. Prove it to us all-!"   
  
  "Dean, they have a gun on Andrea as well." Cas said in the most calm and collected voice he could manage in this situation. Dean wished he could come across as being so calm. He was right, they could see the blonde from the farm rush up to the Governor in a fury before some men held her back and pointed a gun at her stomach. The Governor didn't seem to notice her presence nor care an ounce about it.  
  
  "She trusted him, I doubt he will kill one of his allies. And the way she talked about him and the town... I'm pretty sure there's something there, not just with him, but she most likely has the town's respect as well. If he wants to be a likable leader he can't kill the one who has the emotional ties with the town in front of the town." Cas nodded even though he seemed unsure, but Dean's attention turned back to Daryl as he stood by his brother in the circle of loud townspeople, the Governor shouting 'fight to the death' followed the people's shouts ranging between 'no' and 'get 'em!'  
  
  "You know me! I gotta do whatever I gotta do to prove-!" With that Daryl's brother threw the first punch and Daryl skidded onto the dirt, "that my loyalty is to this town-!" Another kick. Dean was seconds away from running out there but Cas held him back, fingers twisting in his jacket.   
  
  "Dean we can't-"  
  
  "Wait wait wait... Are they bringing those fuckers into this now?!" Cas looked away from Dean and followed his eyes to see some of the Governor's men leading the walkers into the circle with metal holdings around their necks. That's what Gabriel was going to be used for. An entertainment fight like it was Ancient Rome all over again. These things had been human beings once with families and people who loved them and instead of putting them out of the misery and destined hell this virus had for them, they used them for entertainment by putting the healthy at risk as well. Cas let go of his hold on Dean's jacket before cocking his gun and running out into the fight, pushing through the crowd without hesitating or looking back for Dean's approval.   
  
  "Castiel Winchester-!" Oh great, he was using his full name now, he must be pissed. They weren't actually married yet so joke's on him. No one seemed to care about the two men they've never seen but once in this town running through the crowd to get to the Governor, they were too busy watching the fight. The second Cas got around everyone the brothers had stopped fighting and were now back to back, punching their way through the surrounding walkers closing in on them. Cas took out his knife and ran in to help, stabbing through the head of one inches away from Daryl's neck and kicking away the Governor's toy solider that had been guiding it.   
  
  "Castiel? Nice seein' ya here. Great timing." Daryl nodded to him in mutual understanding before going back to punching an oncoming walker. By the time Dean got to Cas and pulled him back to yell something in his face about staying close to him before taking out a nosy walker, shots went off. A walker right beside Cas's head went down, followed by an innocent bystander in the surrounding crowd. A smoke bomb was thrown into the center at Dean's feet before the shots started up again, chaos everywhere as people ran and walkers scattered. Dean grabbed Cas's arm and ran.   
  
  By the time Sam got to the fight everyone was running and smoke was everywhere. He searched the dead for a gun before making his way through the walkers and screaming townspeople as calmly as if he were walking through a park.   
  
  "WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!" Sam shouted through the crowd. He had circled the entirely of the area before he saw the bastard's face through the smoke, shooting a walker in the head without even looking at it, a bandage covering his eye.   
  
  "Governor!" The man moved his deafening stare to level with Sam's gun pointed at his forehead and all he could do was laugh.    
  
  "What do you want, kiddo? Look around you-"  
  
  "Don't you dare call me that. Don't you fucking dare-!"  
  
  "I'm sorry if I'm slightly confused by this little argument here, but why are you holding a gun to my head? I'm already being shot at by outsiders, that's no way to make friends in a new town." Sam walked closer and the Governor put his hands up with a sarcastic smile on his face.   
  
  "Where did you find him-?"  
  
  "Who? Look here son, maybe you should go back to the guest house you're staying in and get some sleep because you sound insane-"  
  
  "Don't. One of the walkers in that cage outside your house, y'know? That you use for this," Sam pointed around him at the chaos still circling the smoke as walkers limped around and shots were fired. The Governor shook his head, laughing under his breath.   
  
  "You are insane. We have a trap, that's all. I don't handpick walkers, kiddo-"  
  
  "I told you not to fucking call me that!" Sam was seconds away from pulling the trigger when he felt a hand on his back.   
  
  "Sammy, come on, this guy may be a sicko but Gabe isn't his fault. Just come back with me, we need to get out of here _now_." The voice was calm, which was unusual for the uneasy redhead. Sam tried to tune her out and focus on killing this bastard but his hands started shaking, making it near impossible to keep a good aim.   
  
  "You don't look alright, he doesn't look alright, maybe you should go inside and-"  
  
  "If you say 'get some rest' one more time I will not hesitate to put a bullet in your head-"  
  
  "We're _leaving_." Charlie stepped closer and reached out to put her hand over Sam's, harshly lowering the gun to his side and turning Sam away from the Governor. "I'm sorry. I don't have anything else to say but sorry at the moment and I know you sure as hell don't want to hear it from me. But we have to leave now, Sam, we'll deal with it later." Sam stared in shock at the harshness in Charlie's voice as she pulled the gun away and dropped it to the ground, keeping her free hand wrapped tightly around the hem of Sam's jacket. "Do you realize what's going on around you? I'm not losing anyone else."   
  
  Daryl had caught up with Dean during the fight and was trying to get him to go with them to the prison they were staying at a little ways down the road. Rick and the rest were in a hurry to leave the town and Dean still needed to find Sam and the rest before he could go.   
  
  "Where is this prison at?" Daryl brought Dean over to Rick who told him the whereabouts of where they were all supposed to meet up before carrying on to the prison. Cas had gone off again to look for Sam and Dean tried to stop worrying but it wasn't that easy.   
  
  "Y'all better hurry up and get outta 'ere. You're the outsiders right now, you'd be the ones they blame once we're gone." Dean shook the former sheriff's hand and nodded to Daryl before taking off in the direction Cas had gone, making his way through the clearing smoke and dead walkers until he found Sam with the Governor at gunpoint, Charlie trying to pull him away and finally succeeding in dropping the gun and and twisting him around. The Governor looked at the two with disgust before lifting his gun up to the back of Sam's head.   
  
  "Hey!" Dean raised his gun as well, jogging over to put himself in between his brother and this sicko, who looked oddly perplexed by the whole ordeal.   
  
  "You and your family here are like cockroaches, y'all keep coming out of nowhere and it's a pain to kill you. Not to mention after all this shit we don't need your filth here." Dean cocked the gun and held it closer to the bastard's head, smirking as he saw Cas walk up from behind, gun held up to the back of the sicko's head. He was fully surrounded now.  
  
  "I see your boyfriend joined this little game-"  
  
  "Fiancé actually." Cas muttered and the Governor laughed with that sarcastic smile on his face.   
  
  "My bad... _fiancé_." He dropped his gun and put his hands up in surrender. "I'll let you guys go-"  
  
  "I think we should be the ones letting you go seeing as how we have two guns to your head at the moment." Dean said as Sam picked up the gun from the Governor's feet and Charlie got the one she had dropped earlier.   
  
  "But seeing as how we have no intention of staying in this town we're going to use this opportunity to leave without any of your men following us out. I don't have much reason to kill you now other than the fact that you're a sick bastard when it comes to entertainment. But if you do send men after us, I will come back and trust me I will not hesitate to put a bullet through your good eye." The Governor didn't seem the least bit bothered by Dean's threat but he nodded in agreement and held out his hand to shake Dean's. They both slowly lowered their guns before Dean reached around to grab Cas's hand and they took off through the dispersed chaos until they got to the barrier wall and climbed over towards where Kevin had hid the Impala in the bordering woods. Dean explained the deal with the prison to Sam as they got into the Impala and made their way down the road, Charlie resting her head on Cas's lap and Kevin staring out the window as silent as he's ever been.   
  
  They only drove for a short way down the road before they got to the meeting spot Rick had told Dean about. There were only three of them walking along the edge of the woods, Daryl and his brother weren't in sight. Dean drove by and parked on the side of the road as Rick walked over to the car. No one looked happy, especially Glenn.   
  
  "Where's Daryl?" Rick just sighed and shook his head as Dean stepped out of the Impala.   
  
  "Gone. Went off with his brother. We weren't gonna let Merle stay in the prison with us because we don't trust 'em, never have never will. So he went." Dean nodded as Cas made his way over to him. Glenn and Maggie were off to the side staring in silence, standing an awkward distance from each other. They were both bruised up pretty bad. Glenn looked like he'd been thrown off a roof, Dean could barely make out his face structure under all the dried blood and bruises.   
  
  "Not to get too much involved, but what do you guys have against Daryl's brother?" Cas asked. Glenn looked steps away from running Cas down so Dean stood slightly in front of him just incase any trouble occurred as Maggie whispered something harshly in Glenn's ear.  
  
  "Merle has never been on our good side. Glenn here looks the way he does because Merle beat 'em senseless and sent a walker on him while he was taped to a chair. There's a lot more to all of this and if you want I can explain some of it to you back at the prison-"  
  
  "How do we know we can trust them, Rick?" Glenn asked, walking up to stand beside the former sheriff. Dean scoffed and managed a smile before adding that they were in fact the ones who shot them last time they were on their property.   
  
  "It's been a while since then and we just need to make sure. We did find y'all in Woodbury of all places-"  
  
  "We were only there for one night. We had just got in this morning and a lot has happened since then... It would be nice to have a safe place to stay as we deal through a few things." Rick nodded in understanding without questioning what actually did happen in Woodbury. They've all lost people close to them so they tried not to question as much anymore.    
  
  "Okay. If you have any spare room in your car here, it'd be nice if you could take us a little ways up the road until we come across a drivable vehicle." It wasn't much room but it would have to make do. Sam drove, Maggie sat in the middle front with Glenn in the passenger seat. Rick sat behind the driver seat and Kevin was in the back middle with Charlie on his lap, who wasn't very happy about the situation. Cas decided to sit on the floor of the car at Dean's feet, silently twirling his knife and staring at nothing.   
  
  
  By the time they made it to the prison there were only half the people there from the farm. Dean realized Lori wasn't around but there was a baby. He could guess what happened so he didn't dare ask. Most were welcoming but others were slightly hesitant in letting them stay in their home. If anyone could ever really call prison cells a home. Most were sleeping anyway, it was late, falling into the early hours of the morning. Rick led them to a row of empty cells that contained some bunk beds and a blanket or two, Kevin and Charlie shared one, as well as Cas and Dean, but Sam stayed by himself. The place was as nice as a zombie apocalypse could let it be, but it was safe and that was all that mattered.   
  
  "You think he'll come back?" Cas asked as he set some of their bags down in the cell. Dean shook his head, spreading their own blankets over the bottom bunk.   
  
  "Merle's his brother, he-"  
  
  "Isn't you, Dean. Merle, to me, doesn't sound like the best guy in the world. Just because you and Sam have this weird codependency going doesn't mean all other families are like that. Did you see Glenn? It seemed to me that Daryl's loyalty was more so to Rick and his friends than his brother."   
  
  "How would you know, we don't even know Merle-?"  
  
  "I've seen enough to guess. He'll be back, I'm pretty sure, it may take some time."    
  
  
  Dean couldn't sleep. Not after everything. Sam wasn't okay in all manners of the word, Dean checked on him a few times during the early morning just incase of... anything. He was just paranoid. If that had been Cas he would have died with him without batting an eyelash. He took that opportunity away from his brother the second he saw the thought cross his eyes. When he went back to his cell and closed it after checking on him for the second time Cas was curled up as far against the wall as he could manage in the bunk bed. Dean sighed and laid down next to him, turning on his side and wrapping the covers over them before kissing Cas's cheek and turning away so that he had his back to him. He knew Cas was still dealing with shooting his brother by taking it out on Dean so he made sure not to push his limits. He wasn't going to move to the top bunk though, he liked being able to feel Cas's back against his to reassure himself that he was there and he was safe.  
  
  "Why do you keep doing that?" Cas asked, voice vibrating against Dean's back. "Checking on Sam. What do you think he's going to do?" Dean groaned and didn't answer, which just made Cas elbow him in the back.   
  
  "I'm just worried about him, okay? In fact I'm also worried about you right now but seeing as how I have you right here with me at the moment I can be sure you won't go off and do something stupid." Cas was silent for a long time before he turned around and slowly wrapped his arms under Dean's and around his chest, shaping his body to the curve of his back and holding him as tight as he could manage. Dean was surprised by the notion but smiled nevertheless and reached for the hand curled around his chest to lace his fingers through Cas's. 

  
  "Don't worry about me."

  
  It had been a few weeks of fitting in with the jail group. Even though they had some food in the cellblock already Dean wanted to go on supply runs anyway. He didn't like staying in one spot for too long, none of them did. There was nothing out there anymore, the world was gone. There were no bars, no parks, no businesses, no neighborhoods, no museums or bookstores or libraries. Dean has seen apocalypses a few times, but they had always won, they had always found a way around everything. But this time there was no way out. It was a dead end, an end to everything that had ever been routine. Dean missed hunts, he missed the bunker when ghosts and demons had been the only problem. Angels and Abadon had been a big problem as well, but nothing could be worse a problem than this. Dean would take the flirtatious blood junkie, candy-stealing, king of hell over a walker any day. At least it made things interesting. They had lost track of Crowley and the rest right around the time this whole thing started, Dean wondered sometimes if one day Crowley would just pop up out of the blue some day with a drunken smirk and a 'hello boys' slur before explaining a thing or two about this mess. The thought of hoping for an explanation from that filth was what worried Dean the most.    
  
  Dean was sitting in the field right outside the jail, gun at his right side and knife in his jacket. Rick told him it was a bad idea coming out here, walkers all around in danger of knocking over the fences, but Dean didn't listen to him. He was never actually part of his nit tight group so Rick shouldn't be worrying about his safety at all. Cas was with him but he refused to sit and relax for more than two seconds. He was pacing back and forth behind Dean, gun on his hip.   
  
  "If you don't loosen up you'll scare the children." Dean muttered sarcastically, lying back in the grass to peer up at Cas. Cas just continued to pace as if he hadn't heard him, running a hand through his hair frustratingly and muttering something under his breath. Dean just sighed and tried to get his attention again.   
  
  "If you're getting cold feet about marrying m-"  
  
  " _What_?" Cas stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Dean with the most confused and awed expression he could muster, sending Dean falling back into the grass in a fit of laughter. "You were being sarcastic." Cas continued and rolled his eyes before continuing on with his adamant pacing. Dean stopped laughing and looked back to pout at him, reaching out his hand pathetically. Cas ignored it and sighed as he continued to pace and kick rocks out of the way out of frustration. After a while Dean couldn't take it anymore, reaching out and grabbing Cas's hand to pull him down into the grass with him, trapping him in his arms before he could get away.   
  
  "Dean-"   
  
  "Nope, nothing you say will convince me to let you go." Dean muttered with a smile. Cas sighed again but the sigh was tinted with a smile as he gave up and stuffed his face in Dean's shoulder, breathing in the old fabric and smell of dirt, blood, booze, and Dean.   
  
  "I'm sorry you had to... well you know, we can talk about this later, I just wish you would loosen up a bit and talk to me. I've seen you like this before and I'd rather not go back to that-"  
  
  "Dean I'm-"  
  
  "Not fine. You're not fine. Just admit it, none of us are. I'm not asking you to be fine, I'm asking you to let me in so I can help you." Cas pulled back from his shoulder to stare up at the sky, head resting on Dean's chest with his arms tightly wrapped around his middle.   
    
  "Hey guys." Dean arched his head back in the grass to see Charlie walking over. "Don't mind me, carry on with your cuddle-fest, just keeping watch on those walkers since you two seem preoccupied with more important things. You know, this reminds me of the hunts we used to go on. After you two got engaged, and even more so beforehand, Sam, Kev, and I had to take care of all the halfway finished cases while you two-"  
  
  "That's enough, Charles..." Cas peered up at her and silently raised his hand to beckon her over. She smiled and skipped the rest of the way before plopping down in the grass next to him, messing with the weeds and dull flowers and weaving them together as Cas began to speak up again.  
  
  "You know that old game you humans would play when you were kids-"  
  
  "Cas, stop trying to separate yourself from human beings. Sorry to tell you the news, but you are one now-"  
  
  "Not the point, Dean. Don't you know that game where you found shapes in the atmosphere-?"  
  
  "Clouds Cas, clouds. Tell me, how would you find shapes in the air, which is clearly invisible as far as I know-"  
  
  "I can't see it now, but there are many different gaseous entities-"  
  
  "Never mind. I know what you're trying to explain, here-" Dean smiled and reached out for Cas's hand, lifting it up to point up at a cloud above them, "-see that cloud, what do you think it looks like?" Cas looked from the cloud to their hands to Dean and back again in a confused manner before squinting back up at the sky.  
  
  "I don't know... nothing human in nature-"  
  
  "Use your imagination, Cas." Charlie laughed from beside him and laid on her back in the grass, leaning over against his shoulder to look up at the cloud Dean was pointing at.  
  
  "I think it looks like a flying monkey-"  
  
  "Really? Because all I see is batman." Dean lowered Cas's hand and looked over at him as the former angel contemplated the cloud structure above them. Everything would have seemed normal again apart from the walker groans coming from outside the prison gate. Dean tried to block it from his ears as he looked down from the sky and rested his head on Cas's shoulder.   
  
  "I think it looks like an angel... falling. The wings both of you are seeing as the flying monkey and batman look almost edgy or torn-"   
  
  "Cas, this is supposed to be a fun game, think of something nice. I know it's a daily struggle not to be a hardcore fallen angel emo-" Charlie laughed and shook her head as Dean continued and Cas stared up at the cloud in frustration, "but it's the end of days so-"  
  
  "What are you guys doing out here?" Dean stopped talking and looked up at Sam and Kevin as they walked over to them with shared looks of disapproval.   
  
  "Why is it so out of the ordinary to relax in a field on a nice day and find shapes in the atmosphere as Cas so proudly puts it?"   
  
  "Maybe because it's the zombie apocalypse, Dean, and right outside that fence are about twenty to thirty walkers groaning and snarling as they try to get through the metal wiring to eat you." Dean frowned at his brother and went back to looking up at the sky. After a while of protesting, Sam sat down next to him, falling onto his back in the grass and sighing. Kevin followed in suite on the other side of Charlie. They all agreed that the cloud looked like a flying object of some sort, Kevin bringing up different names of Pokemon and utterly confusing Cas. It was the first time they had anywhere near the definition of a good time since the virus broke out. Sam looked over at Dean and nudged him with his elbow, getting his attention away from the others.   
  
  "He loved doing this. I used to tell him it was a waste of time, something dad would get mad at us for doing... he was stubborn and argued that he never got to appreciate the sky and how far away and vast everything was from down here until he fell." Dean tried to fake a smile for his brother, not knowing what to say without accidentally opening a wound, rolling onto his back and lacing his fingers through Cas's as a routine impulse.  
  
  "I'm sorry." Dean whispered, looking back over at Sam, who looked okay to say the least, either that or he was hiding it well. That's all they seemed to do these days, pretend the world would actually go back to normal one day. Pretend that dream of a a nice home and a picket fence could actually happen.  
  


  "I know."


	8. Broken Shards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Governor retaliates from the attack on Woodbury, Cas is caught in the line of fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back *\\(^o^)/* sorry for the hiatus, I had been thinking of ending it after that last chapter but I felt like continuing because I already had some ideas for ongoing chapters. Also thank you for the nice comments, I'll hopefully be updating more frequently now, marching band season is dwindling down, only four more weeks and it's over (*^o^*)
> 
> so anyway, hope you enjoy this angsty chapter (especially after that season premiere yesterday) be sure to comment and tell me what you think :)

Cas was sitting at the graves when the military vehicle pulled up to the prison gates. Rick had been chasing his own shadow outside of the perimeter when it all went down, seemingly oblivious to everything. No one knew what was up with him but Hershel, who only muttered one word to Cas when he asked for an explanation: "Lori". Hershel was standing in the field by the gate with his crutch under his arm, supporting the body weight that his nonexistent right leg could no longer do, trying to talk Rick into coming back inside the perimeter. Everyone, including the strange new woman named Michonne that reminded Cas of a warrior princess, stopped what they were doing to stare at the vehicle. Seconds dragging on to feel like hours, Cas didn't move from where he was sitting at the edge of Lori and T-Dog's grave. He had been contemplating making one for a Gabriel even though they didn't have his body. Suddenly gunshots rang out through the courtyard, one passing inches from Cas's head. He quickly ducked behind the gravestone and stayed low in the tall grass, silently hoping a Dean stayed inside.

Cas peered around the stone to see Hershel doing the same, hiding in the grass by the fence and glancing over at him. Rick was nowhere in sight, probably took cover in the woods. Cas fumbled for his gun, pulling it off his belt and looking around once more to find the source of the gunshots. The Governor.

"Fuck." He shot a few rounds, but it was like shooting a moving target from about a mile away. All it did was get him noticed, more gunshots flying low over his head.

"Dad!" Cas looked over towards the prison as Maggie ran out with a gun at her side, taking cover behind some barriers they had set up and shooting towards one of the Governor's men that had taken his spot in one of their lookout towers. Cas hoped like hell Dean wasn't stupid enough to run out here, but he knew he probably would anyway. Hershel looked too shocked to try moving from his hiding spot, and Cas shook his head at him, mouthing for him to stay put. Suddenly all firing ceased as a van drove down the road beside the Governor's car and burst through the fences and gates leading into the prison courtyard. Everyone froze and watched as someone stepped out of the driver's side and walked around to release the hatch in the back of the vehicle. It wasn't too far from where Cas was laying. As if things could get worse, a whole herd of walkers made their appearance out of back hatch of the vehicle, making their way out and over towards Cas and Hershel. That's when Cas finally heard Dean's voice, cursing under his breath when the firing started up again, crawling across the grass and over to Hershel to reload. The walkers were getting closer by the minute and they were cornered by the fence behind their backs and the Governor shooting at them from the entrance off to the right.

Dean, as impulsive and irrational as ever, was running through the gates leading into the field, dodging bullets and running around the walkers to get to him. Cas groaned in annoyance as he shot down the walkers that were getting too close to Dean until Dean made it over and rolled onto the grass straight into him.

"Was that really necessary-?"

"Completely." Dean huffed, shooting the walkers that were gaining on them. Hershel took out his gun and shot a few as well, no one paying attention to the Governor.

"Dean I was doing just fine on my own-"

"Look around you-!"

"Yes, I realize the situation, and that's why I wish you would have stayed inside-!"

"Y'all! Shut up and shoot." They both looked to Hershel, who just glared at them like an upset father before going back to shooting. There were too many. Cas looked over to see that the Governor was leaving, apparently he accomplished what he came to do, walkers making their way out from the woods now because of the sounds of gunfire. Cas jumped to his feet, ignoring Dean's protests as he ran towards the gate, shooting after the Governor as he was getting in his car and driving away. He was close, bullets grazing past the bastard's ear, but that just got him noticed. The Governor turned around and smirked at him before pulling out his pistol and shooting the remaining rounds in Cas's direction, the bullets hitting everything around him. He heard Dean yelling as he ducked for cover, wishing for longer seconds and a healing factor. He didn't have to look down to know he was hit, watching after the Governor as he drove away.

"God, that hurts like a _bitch_." Cas muttered, Dean running over and searching his body for the wound, finding it on his shoulder blade and breathing a sigh of relief.

"Sit down, slowly-"

"Dean I'm not sitting down, there's a fucking walker behind you." Cas winced and lifted his gun with the arm that wasn't hurt, shooting it down and dropping his arm back to his side in pain. Dean got him to sit down against his protests while Hershel tore off some fabric from his shirt to tie around Cas's shoulder.

"That'll keep him steady, get rid of these walkers-"

"No, I need to bring him inside-"

"Son, you need to have some confidence in me and keep these walkers away." Cas winced again, gripping at the cloth Hershel had tied around him, the pain finally setting in. Dean, ignoring Hershel, put one hand over Cas's to deepen the pressure and used the other to reach for his pocket knife.

"Sorry in advance, this may hurt a little-"

"Oh come on, Winchester, it's just a bullet-"

"You're no angel. You haven't dealt with a bullet wound since the only concern for cleaning them was keeping your vessel in good shape." Dean whispered harshly to where Hershel couldn't hear. Cas groaned, shooting over Dean's shoulder to take down another walker. Hershel, though angry about Dean's stubbornness on the issue, kept as many walkers away as he could.

"Fine. It's fine. We can deal with this later, not the walkers." Cas said. Pushing Dean's hand away and tightening the bandage on his arm.

"I've had way worse. Once we get these walkers out of here you can start worrying about me. The bullets didn't go all the way through, that's where the pain is coming from, they're still lodged in there." Dean shoot at a few more walkers before turning to Cas and lifting up the bandage to look more closely at the wound, cursing when he realized there were two entry wounds and not just one.

Rick was on the other side of the gate, slashing through a couple walkers from the woods with what looked like a stick, Michonne not as much helping out as stealing the floor and making her way through a small herd in minutes like the badass she was. They were everywhere. Cas pulled the bandage back down, leaving Dean's side and running to the fence to stab through the head of one that was cornering Rick just as an arrow went straight through the walker's head on the other side of the fence, stopping inches from Rick's face. Daryl. He knew he wouldn't stay gone. Cas left them to handle it from there and turned around to face the walkers getting too close to Hershel, Dean already on his way back over to him. Maggie and a few of the younger ones were helping get Carol out of the line of fire back in the courtyard, Sam running through the field as well, slashing through a couple walkers in his way.

"What the hell is going on?!" He shouted over the groans of walkers and gunshots, looking from the van, to Cas bleeding through his bandage, and back again. Dean ran up to him and shot a few more walkers down.

"The Governor did this. Surprise attack, I guess that bastard's feeling vengeful. Cas is shot, we need to get these walkers out of the way and get Cas and Hershel back inside." The whole time Dean was explaining the situation, Sam was knocking out walkers and smashing their head in with the butt of his gun. Dean just stared wide eyed before continuing.

"I'll go bring Cas up, it looks like you've got this-"

"No, I said I'm fine, I'm staying." Cas said, harshly pulling Dean over by his jacket and kissing his cheek before running the other way and helping Hershel. Dean stood there frozen for a second as Sam just laughed at his expression.

"Marry that man." He joked before running over to the herd Cas was currently massacring. Dean finally gave in and decided they could take care of the herd just fine and started making his way back over to the courtyard to check up on the rest. The children and Maggie had got Carol and run inside, leaving behind a dead inmate lying on the concrete floor in a puddle of blood with a bullet through his head. He was gone, bullet wounds lacing his sides from where someone must have used him to shield themselves. Cas was lucky with the mere two wounds, that shouldn't be that hard to fix up. Dean snapped out of thought and ran inside to check up on everyone, Kevin and Charlie were talking to Carol about what happened, Charlie loading her gun in the midst of running outside to help.

"Hey, hey are you okay?" She asked, stopping mid run to pick up Dean's hands from his side and hold them out in front of her, inspecting the blood covering them, "what the hell happened? Who's blood is this-?"

"It's Cas's-"

"Is he-?"

"He's fine. Charles I think they got it covered out there, I'm going to need some medical supplies though if you know where you can find any." She shook her head and nodded to Kevin.

"Kev here will find your medical supplies. I want to go kick some zombie ass." With that she was gone, leaving Dean scowling as he walked over to Carol to ask what was going on, Kevin running through the cell block looking for Hershel's medical supplies.

"I don't know. Retaliation is the best guess. He's pissed. And when men like that are furious, things like this tend to happen." She didn't even seem that shaken up about what she had been caught in the middle of earlier, Dean knew she was the one that used the dead inmate's body as a shield, but he didn't want to bother asking if she was okay. Nobody was, there was no use asking when all you would get in return is a lie and a fake smile.

"Is he hurt bad? Who shot him?" Carol continued, looking up at Dean from where she was leaning against the cell door, fishing in her pockets for a rag to wipe his hands off with.

"He's fine, he's had worse." Carol just shook her head like she didn't believe him as she walked forward to hand him the rag , "it was just two bullets, right in the shoulder, the Governor put them there himself. " Dean continued, already planning on putting two bullets in the psycho's head.

"God, I've never heard anyone say 'it's just two bullets" like its as simple as a scraped knees or nosebleeds. Why are you in here and he's not-?"

"Because apparently he's the one that calls the shots in this relationship. I wanted to come in here to find the supplies so I could get those bullets out as soon as Cas stops being the stubborn brat that he is when it comes to asking for help." Carol smiled, her lips forming the motion but her eyes seeming somewhere else. By the time Kevin had found the supplies, Dean had already run out to check on the progress and helped wipe out a couple more walkers before the group managed to close one of the inner gates and get safely inside. There were still plenty of walkers covering the outer lawn and pushing against the flimsy fencing, but it would have to do for now. Cas was starting to turn pale, putting his gun back on his waist and lifting his hand up to keep pressure on the wound. Dean walked over to him and raised his eyebrows in an I-told-you-so way.

"Don't even start with me, just help me get these things out." Cas muttered, walking past Dean on his way to the cellblock entrance, Charlie following beside him with tons of questions that continually ended with 'are you sure you're okay?' Dean nodded a welcome to Daryl, who was currently catching up with Rick and explaining why it was a good idea to bring his brother into all this. Sam got involved in the conversation as Dean jogged after Charlie and Cas, hoping Kevin got the right supplies.

They got to the prison doors, passing the confused looks eyeing the blood seeping through the cloth on Cas's shoulder on their way to the cell. Cas rested against the cell door for a few minutes before carefully sitting down on the edge of the bunk while Kevin rounded the corner with a bag full of Hershel's left over medical supplies from the farm, as well as a few things from Dean's bag.

"How do you feel?" Dean asked as he poured the pills into his hand and picked up his flask of water from the bedside, dropping the pills in Cas's hand before waiting to hand over the water. Charlie was pulling up the bandage to look at the wounds, which made Cas silently wince.

"Like a million dollars." Cas muttered, fist curling in the blanket beneath him as Charlie pushed down harder to look closer.

"Yeah there's... two bullets-" Charlie said, pulling back from the wound and looking at Dean, "why the fuck was he out there shoving knives through walker brains with two bullets in his shoulder?"

"It's not bad, only two..." Cas huffed as Dean reached up to push down on the wound again.

" _Only_? Who says 'oh it's only two holes in your shoulder, you'll live'?" Charlie asked, glaring at Dean who was smiling proudly, kneeling at the edge of the bed between Cas's thighs to get a closer look at the entry wound.

"Winchesters." Cas muttered, causing Dean to freeze in the process of cleaning the blood off, staring up at him wide-eyed.

"What is this like 'Winchester initiation' or something? Must get shot and not complain?" Charlie asked darkly, rolling her eyes at Dean in an angry huff as he pushed on the wound again before pulling out his knife, Cas squinting his eyes against the pain.

"Does that mean you, erm, y'know-"

"Dean I've pretty much inherited the last name by now. If you've forgotten, I never had a last name in the first place-"

"But we're not actually-" Dean paused, concentrating as he used his fingers to pull the skin around the wound slightly apart to try to reach for the closest bullet without the knife. "It's just right under the surface-" he continued, forgetting what he was saying prior. Charlie groaned as she stood up from where she had been sitting on the bunk next to Cas, walking towards the cell door.

"You guys are pitiful, for God's sake I will marry you myself, it's a damn zombie apocalypse, why do you still question your relationship?" With that she walked out of the cell, leaving both Cas and Dean staring after her in confusion.

"Why exactly are we making her angry-?"

"Dean-"

"What does she mean by 'question your relationship', I don't question anything-"

"Dean."

"What?"

"Stop talking and hurry up and get these bullets out of my shoulder before I knee you in the face and start to question our relationship." Dean laughed and moved his finger to the side to wedge the knife in the wound, gaining a groan and a harsh glare out of Cas.

"Stop being a baby." Dean muttered, succeeding in pulling the closest bullet out before putting his hand back over the wound to keep pressure.

"You know how many ripped shirts I have now? This is ridiculous." Cas muttered, breathing in sharply when Dean wedged the knife back into the wound.

"You can have some of mine, you wear them enough as it is, I thought we shared all the clothes we had already." Cas sighed and looked away, only wincing slightly as Dean moved his fingers inside the wound and reached towards the deeper bullet. He stayed silent, concentrating on coming up with a retaliation plan for the Governor, and Woodbury, he didn't really understand what they had against these people. Human's aren't born evil and unjust, even though these days it was hard not to believe that, the events in their lifetime shape the person they become. He started to wonder what happened to this Governor guy to turn him into such a psychotic bastard, at the same time wishing God wasn't off being the world's worse father. He wondered if there was even a way to solve this whole apocalypse mess, or if it was already too late. There had been no time to stop it before it began, no 66 seals, no horsemen, no heroic sacrifices, no religious sign to put an end to the storm. It came like poison and spread like wildfire.

"You're surprisingly quiet." Dean whispered after a few minutes, still searching his fingers around the wound and finally coming across the bullet."Just let me know if you're not okay." Cas pulled himself out of his thoughts and laughed painfully, shaking his head as Dean dug the small knife further into the wound to wedge it up and out.

"Stop making me sound like a child, Dean. I'm-" Cas winced again as the knife dug further down, the grip on Dean's hand moving to the blanket, "going to have to get used to this, that's for sure."

"No you won't because you won't be out getting yourself shot at all the time." Dean said, glaring at him as he finally got the second bullet out. It didn't take much to clean out the wound, moving from the floor to sit Indian style on the bunk in front of Cas and pouring cold water in it to wash the bacteria out. Hershel had stopped by to make sure Dean got the bullets out successfully and nodded in appreciation before handing over some more clean bandages and medicine and leaving the cell. Apparently half of the prison was planning a retaliation on the Governor, and a few other people had been shot. Dean was all for retaliation as long as they were prepared. Cas breathed in sharply and reached out to grab Dean's hand, stopping him from pouring more water on it.

"It's good, you've cleaned it almost too much and I feel like I'm going to start bleeding out if you keep it up." Dean focused back in on Cas and put the flask down.

"Sorry, thinking." Dean muttered, reaching around for the stitching supplies from the medical kit and having trouble threading the needle.

"What could you possibly be thinking about that causes you to forget the fact that I'm bleeding out from my shoulder?" Cas asked with a smile, which faltered the slightest bit when Dean started finally stitching the wound up.

"Nothing. Just... Worried." It didn't take too long, soon enough Dean was tying the bandage over the newly sewn up wound and dropping his hands to his side, gathering the medical supplies in a pile and stuffing them in his open duffle beside the bed. By the time he sat back up Cas had collapsed onto his back, sighing contently and pushing his legs up on Dean's lap.

"I told you... You don't have to worry about me. And by the way I was serious about the name." Dean smiled and moved Cas's legs off his lap to lay down next to him.

"You tend to call me by it anyway... Like the other night in Woodbury. Usually when you're beyond pissed off." Cas smirked, flicking his eyes from the underside of the bunk above them to look at Dean.

"Do I? Haven't noticed, must not be important-" Dean continued sarcastically, Cas punching him in the side with his good arm, "Kidding, kidding..." He trailed off, watching as Cas's eyes softened and he turned his vision back to the bunk.

"But you've always been a Winchester, Cas... way before I started waking up to those blue eyes in the mornings." Dean breathed, catching Cas off guard for a few moments, turning into awkward silence, which started to worry him until he felt lips against his, wrapping his arm around the familiar curve of Cas's back and carefully pulling his body against him without hurting his shoulder. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, sloppy kisses and shared annoyance of the small size of the bunk, no one stopping by the cell until morning.

* * *

 

No one was too happy about Merle staying in the prison, he wasn't even allowed to stay in their cellblock. The fighting kept on so much that Sam wondered why the hell the guy wanted to stay there anyway. He was never going to belong. But they needed the muscle, and the inside information, to plan retaliation on the Governor. Sam didn't think it was a good idea. That many people... It would be a bloodbath. Of course part of the reason he didn't want the prison to get involved was because he wanted to get the job done himself. He had a chance twice and he didn't take it, it was his responsibility now. And the Governor is the closest tie to Gabe's death that he can find. Kevin told Sam he was planning on the two of them breaking in the Governor's place like awesome assassin ninjas. It sounded insane in Kevin's crazed imagination, but beyond the fact of assassin ninjas, he had a point. Kevin had been sharing a cell with Sam lately, he usually stuck with Charlie but for some reason out of nowhere she decided, as a girl, she wanted her own cell to herself. Sam knew that was Bradbury code for 'stay with Sam to keep an eye on him' but he never brought it up. He kind of enjoyed the company. Against Dean's wishes, Cas was already up and about with the retaliation plan. It's only been one day, that guy's motivated. There was nothing Dean could do to stop him, he was still in his rebellious fallen angel years.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Speak of the angel. Sam tore through his thoughts and looked up at Cas from where he was siting on the cellblock stairs. The rest of the prison community was towards the entry room arguing over what they should do about the Governor and if they should listen to Merle. Sam motioned Cas to sit next to him, nodding to Dean who was keeping an eye on him from the argument.

"When we were getting shot at yesterday I had been sitting at Lori and T-Bone's graves.... I was thinking maybe we could, y'know-"

"Make one for Gabe." Sam said emotionlessly, looking away and down at his hands. Cas was quiet, watching Dean repetitively turn around and eye him.

"You know what? I need some fresh air. And I think you can use some too." Cas said, standing up and reaching out his hand for Sam. Sam looked up at him questionably and then saw him nod at Dean and realized Cas just wanted away from Dean's line of sight for a while.

"What's up with you two-?"

"Nothing. He's just been smothering me since I woke up, checking my shoulder at least twice a minute and making sure I'm always in his line of sight as if I'm some walking signal of vulnerability. It's starting to piss me off." Sam scoffed and stood up, following Cas past the prison group, raising his eyebrows at Dean as they passed and walked towards the entry hall that led to the courtyard. Cas brought him over to the gravestones, sitting Indian style at the foot of Lori's.

"He would say it was a stupid human tradition that had no meaning. Also, he wouldn't want his pretty little vessel being eaten by worms." Sam muttered, walking through the field in search for flowers. He came across one wilting daisy and plucked it to rest it on Lori's gravestone.

"I don't find the human tradition as unnecessary. I think it's good to have some tangible way to remember them by. Something that's always there in their memory. I don't know... I kind of want one for him, even though we don't exactly have him..."

"What are you two whispering sadly about?" Cas didn't have to turn around to know it was Charlie, walking up on his right and siting down next to him, handing him a flask of water and some more pills. Cas sighed and rolled his eyes.

"If he's going to excessively force pills on me he should at least fill that flask with alcohol." Cas muttered, downing the pills because his shoulder did hurt like hell, he just didn't want Dean to know, there were other people that needed the pain meds more. Sam smiled, taking a flask out of his back pocket and handing it to Cas.

"The real stuff. Don't tell on me." He said sarcastically, Charlie stealing the flask from Cas right before it reached his mouth to drink some herself. After gulping down almost half of it she looked up to find both Sam and Cas staring at her in complete shock, Cas's hand still raised where he had lifted the flask.

"What?" She asked innocently, handing the flask back to Cas, "I have my reasons." Cas just stared at her awkwardly before downing the liquid himself, cursing under his breath when he saw Dean walking towards them from the prison. He quickly apologized to Sam before drinking the rest of the alcohol in one gulp. Sam didn't seem upset about it, he raised his eyebrows and tried to hide his laughter as Dean walked up.

"I swear... I _will_ kill you." Cas muttered, handing the flask back to Sam and glaring at his fiancée. Dean smiled and sat down in the grass on his left, by his hurt shoulder.

"No you won't. You love me and you know it. I actually wasn't coming out here in search of you anyway-"

"Bullshit."

"Seriously. I just wanted away from the drama I don't belong in. But while I'm here I could help with those bandages if you want." Cas looked away, hiding the fact that he was still in pain as the pills still hadn't set in and the alcohol only made him slightly dizzy. He made the slightest wince that he knew no one else but Dean would notice, cursing again when Dean reached for his shirt to lift it up and look at the wound.

"Hey! Hey, no one wants to see a strip tease." Sam complained, groaning and looking away as he started to pace in front of the gravestones, not quite understanding the whole 'don't walk on hallow ground' thing. Charlie didn't seem to mind at all, she was actually pretty interested and helped Dean lift the bandage.

"Yeah, thought so, it's definitely starting to get infected. Dammit Cas-"

"I can't really help that fact, if you haven't realized, we're running low on medical supplies. I say you and me go on a supply run this afternoon so we can get away from this damn drama we're not involved in." Dean was seconds away from flat out saying no when Cas reached up and covered his mouth with his hand. "That was a statement, not a question, we're going." Charlie winked at Cas before grabbing Sam by the jacket and leading him back to the prison against his protests. Cas decided to pull his hand back before Dean got the idea of licking it, standing up from the grass and holding his good arm out to help Dean up, who of course declined.

"You have your gun on you?" He asked, not even trying to argue. Cas pointed to his belt and also took out the two knives from his boots and Ruby's knife from his jacket pocket. How he got that away from Dean without him noticing was a mystery to both brothers.

"Mine now. And you should know I always have my gun. If I didn't you would kill me, overprotective bastard." Cas said with a smirk before putting the weapons away and pulling his shirt back down. Dean stood there looking at him in shock for a moment before following behind him.

"That has got to be the rudest thing you've ever said to me-"

"I did try to order Death to kill you once, I think that wins." Cas was sarcastic about it even though he still couldn't get those nightmares out of his head. That whole ordeal with leviathans and playing God followed him like a dark shadow everywhere.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" Dean asked, catching up to him and reaching out to wrap his arm around his waist. There was probably a thousand things Cas could respond with: Gabriel, apocalypse, weak, human, no wings, Gabriel, nightmares, walkers, shoulder hurting like a motherfu-

"Nothing." Best answer. Always the best answer. Dean was never satisfied with that answer though because he's heard it a million times and it was never the truth. Cas learned how to lie from Dean... Funny how things took its course. Dean just nodded, knowing damn right that Cas wasn't fine and that his shoulder did hurt and he missed his brother. Dean knew everything Cas would have said, but he wouldn't dare bring it up until Cas did. He was always real sensitive about that, too much heart was always Castiel's problem.

Kevin was sitting on the top bunk with his feet dangling over the edge, cleaning out his gun, when Sam walked in. He smiled and kept his hatred of Sam being as tall as the bunk bed itself to himself. Cas and Dean still weren't back, he hoped they didn't get into any trouble with a herd, or the Governor. But he kind of knew they were probably taking a long time on purpose, a thing Charlie explained to him that he wanted erased from his mind immediately. Charlie was currently laying on Sam's bunk, reading The Hobbit, finally tossing The Wizard of Oz to the side for awhile. She seemed happier for that reason.

"What's up, dinosaur?" She asked Sam's legs before he crouched down to her level.

"I was thinking about what Cas was saying earlier... About making a grave for..." Charlie put the book down and sat up cross-legged in one swift motion, Kevin dropping the gun at his side and lying on his stomach to watch over the edge of the bunk, head slowly filling with blood from being upside down.

"It's getting dark, Cas and my brother should be back soon and the prison cult is too busy being a lousy prison cult to get in our business." Sam continued as the blood rush to Kevin's head got unbearable and he climbed down the bunk to sit next to Charlie. They both nodded in agreement and left the cellblock to scope out a place.

But it did get dark, and Cas and Dean were still gone, the kind of long that started to worry Sam. They were sitting by Lori's grave again, Kevin pacing with a flashlight, always overly jumpy once night hit and he was still outdoors. The outer gates had been smashed but they had managed to repair them enough to where there was still some of the field with no walkers. The part of the field the graves lay in. It was hardly a coincidence, Rick's idea, everyone knew he hung around this grave on a daily basis.

"I'm sure they'll be back soon. Or maybe they're spending the night in the Impala, who knows?" Charlie wasn't really reassuring. Cas was hurt and Dean was antsy, that never made a good combination.

"If they don't turn up soon I'm taking one of the cars-"

"And what good will that do you, Sam? Are you going to somehow track them down in the middle of the night during an apocalypse with walkers around every corner? They're in a car, not on foot, Daryl would be no help either." Charlie trailed off, lying down in the grass and sighing just as headlights scanned over the field.

"Those assholes." Sam huffed, jogging over to the fence to pull it open enough to let the car in before closing the walkers out again. The Impala pulled up and came to a stop, Kevin and Charlie not even bothering to get up from where they were lying in the field. Cas and Dean weren't dead. Not yet at least. Just another day in the zombie apocalypse.

"Where have you two been?" Sam edged on as Cas started unloading some supplies they picked up and got frustrated at Dean for trying to help.

"Supply run, like we said-"

"That was a long supply run-"

"We made a few pit stops along the way. If you want me to go into detail I will-"

"Oh... No... Fuck no." Sam twisted his face in a disgusted look before quickly walking away and back over to Charlie and Kevin. Cas sighed, starting to walk towards the prison with the amount of supplies he could carry, Dean following beside him.

"Why'd you lie?" He muttered harshly, "That never did you two any good-"

"Just... It's not a lie exactly-"

"Don't talk your way around this one. I'm not keeping up a damn lie for you, he'll know sooner or later. Whether that will be from my lips or yours, you decide." Cas flicked his eyes away and stared at his boots against the gravel as he walked. Dean was silent for a long time as they opened the prison doors and made their way into the cellblock. He knew Cas was right, there was hardly a time when Cas wasn't, but he didn't know how to explain to Sam that they scoped out Woodbury again... without him. And all that happened in between.

Sam was still trying to erase the images from his mind as Kevin and Charlie played with the flashlight that was probably starting to lose battery. The stars were out, with all the power outage during the apocalypse it was actually dark enough to see the outlines of galaxies that you wouldn't be able to see unless you were camping on a mountain in the middle of God knows where. Sam huffed and laid down in the grass between the two of them, stealing the flashlight and turning it off, trying to drown out the walker groans from outside the gates and pretend they were camping somewhere. He let his eyes close as he listened to Charlie talk over him to Kevin, something about Oz and flying monkeys. Dean and Cas never returned, they stayed in for the night.

"Sam?" Sam opened his eyes again to Charlie pinching his arm, curled on her side in the grass and watching him wearily.

"What's wrong?" He asked as if it was programmed into his brain that every question these days that coincided with that look meant something was up. She just shook her head and muttered 'nothing' before sitting up and pulling at the grass underneath her shoes.

"We should probably go inside though," she continued after awhile of silence, Kevin sitting up as well, stealing the flashlight back from Sam's clutch.

"I wish these things would shut up once in awhile, there's no escape from the noise." Kevin murmured tiredly, beginning to stand up and hold out a hand to help Charlie up. Sam got to his feet as well, looking over Lori and T-Bone's grave one last time before wrapping an arm around Charlie's shoulder as they made their way towards the prison. Glenn had been on watch up in the tower and he suddenly wondered what he thought of their small screwed up family. Only shards remained, it was too damaged, too broken. 


	9. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I have taken SO LONG to update, I've been doing college and scholarship things... =_= So anyway here's the next chapter! Finally! It's here! Thank you to anyone who has stuck around this long, I love writing this story, and I enjoy reading your input :) Enjoy!

 

  When Andrea showed up at the prison the next day things didn't go so smoothly. Rick forcefully searched her for weapons, which made some of the other prison-goers uncomfortable. This was Andrea, not a straggler, they knew her. But Rick had trust issues, as did all of them, and when the woman they hadn't seen in forever turns up at Woodbury after clearly being on good terms with their enemy right before showing up at their doorstep the next day, there was a reason to be slightly hesitant with trust. When they were all sure she wasn't leading a surprise attack, or siding with the Governor, they let her inside. Greetings were made, hugs were given. Some hadn't seen her since the farm burned down, most thought she had been dead. The one person who kept her distance was Michonne, apparently they had a past together and it didn't end well when they stumbled into Woodbury. She found out about Lori and T-Bone, yet Rick still showed no sign of sympathy towards her. Cas knew it was hard to be trusting, but she didn't know what the Governor had been up to, and she was here now to warn them of the army he was putting together in Woodbury. It sickened her that he was putting weapons into children's arms to train them to fight a war against humans during a zombie apocalypse. During every apocalypse the humans always found a way to be the most damaging to their own broken society.

  Cas made his way over to Andrea when the crowd dispersed after Rick went to talk over things with Daryl. Andrea went to hug him but pulled back when he winced, his shoulder still hurt like hell, the supplies him and Dean got only helped stop the infection, not the pain.

  "What happened to your shoulder?" She asked, eyeing the bandage sticking out from underneath his jacket. Cas just shook his head, he didn't want her to feel like she was to blame, unlike Rick.

  "The Governor shot me. Twice." Cas tried to keep the statement as casual and controlled as possible, but his tone was on the edge of sounding harsh. She frowned at him and looked down at her feet.

  "I had no idea he was... I'm sorry." Cas told her not to worry about it, that he was fine. In all honesty, he had been the one who went after the Governor. Given that the Governor was the one who fired first and shot up their prison community like the psychopath her was.

  "How have you been? Are you guys planning on staying here long term?" She asked, her eyes traveled to the main cellblock entrance she still wasn't allowed to go into. She cautiously eyed Michonne, who would occasionally look up at her, mostly glaring, before flicking her eyes away and focusing on her sword or shutting Merle up. Apparently Merle had been sent by the Governor to kill her when she left Woodbury. Apparently no one was allowed to leave that place alive or unscathed. Cas wished Andrea would just stay with them, but he didn't want to get involved in her choices. It wasn't his place.

  "Okay, I guess. This place is the safest we've been in a long time, we just aren't used to having this many people on our side. For the longest time, before this apocalypse even started, it had just been the six of us. That had held up quite well until the number dropped to five and the supplies started to decrease. But hey, that happens to all of us." Cas walked over to sit against the wall, wincing slightly as he slid down it, Andrea hesitated and eyed Michonne once more before she joined him.

  "I know how it is to lose someone. I wouldn't ask unless you want to talk-"

  "He was my brother." For some reason the words just poured out of his mouth without him second guessing himself. It was easy to talk to this woman, even if he barely knew her. Maybe the fact that he barely knew her made it easier because he wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of worried and concerned looks at his every move, or constant questions about his feelings. She'd most likely be back in Woodbury by tomorrow morning. Andrea was quiet for a long time, the two of them just sitting in shared silence. They watched as Daryl, Rick, Dean, Hershel, and Sam discussed Andrea's idea of a truce in the other room, the harsh whispering becoming louder as the quiet went on longer.

  "I lost my sister. Walker got her one night at our first camp. It was the first time I saw someone turn. I was stupid, I thought there was a part of her still there... But she attacked me and I..." Andrea trailed off and smiled sadly to herself, looking down at her hands, "that seems like it happened just yesterday." Cas frowned and leaned his head back against wall.

  "Gabe had been missing for awhile, but now it's permanent." Cas said, eyes traveling to where Sam was standing alongside Dean. Andrea followed his gaze curiously, "Sam found him in a pin behind the Governor's house, he was already a walker and was going to be used for sport or whatever that sick bastard wanted those walkers for. He wasn't my brother, not anymore, so I decided for everyone. I shot him." Andrea watched him sadly, her eyes widened at the mention of the Governor. She didn't defend the guy this time, she just said her condolences and they went back to their shared silence. An understanding between two people was often held above trust these days. Everyone had a sob story, many just decided not to say it aloud.

  "So Sam and your brother were close?" She asked after awhile. They watched Sam as he leaned over to whisper something to Dean before they continued arguing against Rick. Cas didn't feel like involving Sam's personal life so he simply nodded, Andrea frowned in return.

  "You never did answer me earlier about wanting to stay here. Do you think you guys will?" She asked, trying to separate from the subject. Cas didn't really know, they had no where else to go, but he wasn't sure if they had completely gained Rick's trust yet. Most the time he just felt like he was intruding. Everything reminded him of the way he felt when he was working for heaven during the first few years of meeting Dean. When he would occasionally travel down to help the boys on a few hunts, still a stranger.

  "If anything, we'll at least stay until this issue with the Governor is solved. He has already cost us enough and we're too deeply involved already. Dean has a price on his head for shooting me. And Sam... Sam is blaming Gabriel's death on him as well. One way or another he won't be breathing much longer. Our family has a way of making sure monsters disappear." Cas missed the hunts, the routine aspect of them all. The identity theft, the research, the accomplishment of saving someone. That's all they used to do, save people. And now they couldn't even save themselves. The whole world was full of monsters. Cas realized Andrea was still silent and had forgotten about her ties to the Governor. She's not in the dark anymore, she's been informed of the guy's issues, she should be able to handle the fact that he's not a great guy and realize she's in the wrong place.

  "Why don't you stay? You can't possibly go back to that guy, can you?" Cas felt like it was common sense, but relationships of any kind were always more complicated than that, even friendships.

  "I don't think I have a choice in the matter. I heard what he tried to do to Michonne, and I can't let that happen again. I know I might be in danger, but so is that town, and they trust me. Those people don't know what that man has been doing, they are only seeing one side of the story: humans from another community attacking theirs. They're being trained into soldiers to fight a war they're being lied to about. I'm already on the inside, it should stay like that. To be completely honest it's our best, and quite frankly our only, chance." Cas couldn't disagree with that. He didn't argue, just nodded and leaned back against the wall, watching as Dean left the group and walked over to him in an angry huff. He knew there was a rant coming on.

  "These _idiots_ think it's such a grand idea to either make a truce or go head first into battle. That psychotic sonofabitch isn't going to be stopped by some childlike truce equivalent to sharing the sandbox, dammit. If he's going to fucking shoot at us we're firing back or so help me _God_ I will track him down myself and put a bullet in his good eye. And this army he's setting up... We can't just-"

  "Dean-"

  "-barge in and wave our guns around shouting "shoot me, shoot me-!"

  "Dean-"

  "-It's a suicide mission, do any of them have _any_ common sense...?" Dean continued to rant and Cas couldn't manage to get his attention, so he reached up and grabbed his hand and pulled him down. Of course this wasn't very graceful, and Dean basically landed on top of him, but at least he stopped ranting and Andrea actually laughed.

  "Dean." Cas finally got his attention as he pushed Dean off of him and Dean sat at his side, practically banging the back of his head against the wall.

  " _Yes_ , babe?" The amount of sarcasm in his voice made Cas want to take a shot at his jaw, but instead he just ignored it and went on with what he was trying to explain earlier.

  "This truce thing... They may have a point here-"

  "Not you too, It's a horrible plan." Dean interrupted, running a hand through his hair stressfully, "the bastard deserves to die-"

  "I know, I know. I was with you on the whole killing the Governor no matter what thing... But, as you know, this guy is gathering an army together. You saw that town, it has a lot of people, enough to make a good defense force. We have children, elderly, beaten, wounded, and very tired people here. We don't have much going for us. This truce might actually be a good idea if we think it out well enough." Cas said the words as if he didn't believe them himself.

  "How?"

  "We can use this truce as a way to trick him, get some one on one time with him without his colony of defense behind his back-"

  "Nice, you may have something there." Dean smirked, nudging Cas's shoulder with his own.

  "I try. But we need to go talk this over with Daryl and Rick. This isn't our family, nor our shelter, we're only guests here. We have to follow through with their plans or leave them be." Dean sighed as Cas looked back over to Sam, who was still deeply involved in the argument inside the cellblock. Andrea nodded for Cas and Dean to go support their side, not even arguing against taking out the Governor. Soon enough the two of them stood by Sam, talking over their idea and trying to convince Rick that it was their best chance at getting the Governor alone. Rick was still iffy on the fact that Andrea was the one who came here with the idea of a truce, seeing as how she was all buddy buddy with the Governor and already on a first name basis. But Cas trusted her word, she was a good woman, she wouldn't lie to them and get them killed. She said she had known nothing of the Governor's prior attack and this would be the easy way to put an end to all the fighting. But Rick still didn't trust the idea. He trusted it as much as he trusted them. And seeing as how they were found in Woodbury that night with Andrea, there wasn't much trust there, just understanding. Dean started an argument, but it didn't get anywhere. Rick had already decided that he'd be taking a supply team to his old town to find weapons and supplies in order to fight back against the Governor's army. That team consisted of his son, Carl, and Michonne. They left without another word, Rick wasn't one to dwell on discussions he already had an authority choice over.

  Rick had a right to trust who he felt he could, but it irritated Dean. He spent the rest of the day complaining about it to Cas as they waited from Rick to come back with the new supplies. Cas tried to keep him occupied by asking him to help Sam, Kevin, Charlie, and himself find flowers for the grave they were constructing for Gabe, but that didn't last long. Dean complained that he felt useless picking flowers like his "princess brother" when he could be off on a supply run or at least killing some walkers through the fence. Cas let him go, hoping he wouldn't be stupid enough to follow after Rick. So far the gravestone only consisted of a collaboration of broken stones from inside the prison, but it was something. They had put it on the other side of Lori's with Rick's permission. Again, he understood. He was a good man, he's just been through a lot of shit that's turned him cold. It was like looking in the mirror sometimes.

  "I never knew what his favorite flower was." Cas murmured as he added to the pile of flowers on Gabe's grave.

  "Aster." Sam answered without looking over at Cas, his eyes focused on the grave. "He liked Aster. It was never really about the color of the flower, but because it's name meant patience. He would always hide them in between the pages of my books, next to my coffee in the mornings, in the pockets of my jackets... Gabriel wasn't one for having much patience, but he always said he only had enough patience for one thing in his life, and that was me." Cas looked down at his shoes, not knowing what to say. There weren't any Aster flowers around here. Sam didn't seem to care, though Cas knew that wasn't true.

  "I don't even know what Dean's favorite flower is." Cas whispered, mostly to himself, knowing Sam heard him. Sam didn't answer, just continued looking at the mess of courtyard flowers poured around the grave skeptically as Charlie jogged over with a handful of halfway welted daisies and common field flowers. She positioned the flowers around the grave and tried to order the prior ones before she stood up and reached on her toes to put a daisy in Sam's hair.

  "Well I think we can proudly say we have enough flowers to make up for at least five percent of Gabriel's ego." She smiled, gaining a small laugh out of Sam that Cas didn't think possible.

  "I think you're giving him too much credit, more like two percent." Sam said just as Kevin walked over to them with another handful of flowers and dropped them on top of the rest.

  "Three percent." Charlie joked as Cas walked over to kneel by the grave and move some of the flowers to Lori's grave to even them out. They never really got to know her, but Cas felt like he owed her something for the amount of times he's sat out by her grave. She had been a nice woman, he wished he had the chance to get to know her.

  "We don't need to feed his ego anymore than we already have." Cas stated blankly, Charlie patted him on the shoulder before walking off with Kevin back towards the prison. Sam didn't stay too much longer either, keeping all of his emotions under control for a while before he had to walk away as well, probably going to help Hershel fix up some broken locks and fences. Cas didn't feel the need to go anywhere, he felt useless sitting behind and waiting for the supply team to come back. Dean was right, they were too used to being on the frontline all the time and making their own decisions. If they wanted to stay members of this community, they would have to learn to follow behind someone else, which was something Cas never wanted to do again. He was actually starting to think it would be better if they left, but he hasn't told Dean yet. He felt guilty about wanting to leave when they had such a safe shelter to live at.

  It started to get dark, the sun setting behind the trees as people switched out watch shifts and killed off the walkers right outside the fence in danger of pushing it down. Andrea left before sunset, Rick had given her a car and some ammo, enough to get her back to Woodbury. Cas had overheard Carol telling her to seduce the Governor that night in order to murder him in his sleep when he was at his weakness. Cas hated the idea of Andrea having to do that, but he didn't want to intrude on their conversation, his opinion didn't matter. It was her choice.

  Cas was plucking the petals off a welting daisy, still sitting Indian style at the foot of Gabriel's grave, when Dean found him. He kept his eyes on the flower in his hand as Dean sat down beside him.

  "It's getting cold with the sun setting, how long have you been out here?" He asked, voice concerned, Cas just shrugged in response and rested his head against Dean's shoulder.

  "What's your favorite flower?" He asked suddenly, dropping the daisy at his feet. Dean was silent for a few moments, probably trying to figure out why Cas was asking such a random question.

  "I don't know flower names... Anything blue is nice, reminds me of your eyes." Dean said softly before adding, "are you alright? Talk to me." Cas just sighed and watched as the sun set fully behind the trees and the walker noises seemed to become more distant. He really didn't want to explain what was on his mind, he'd learned that most humans tend to keep all the important emotions hidden on the inside because they were afraid of what people would say or think if they let them show. For some reason Cas just felt like talking today, and Dean should be the easiest to talk to. Though that tended to be a contradiction.

  "I was just... I miss him." it wasn't much, but he knew Dean understood without him having to explain further. Cas was still learning about human relationships, but the one he had with Dean has always been the same, always been comfortably easy in a way. Not to say it had been uncomplicated, there were many rough patches along the way. Dean said that was a very human thing, but Cas didn't think the average relationship rough patch consisted of teaming up with the king of hell, swallowing souls, death, memory loss, separated in purgatory, controlled by a rouge angel, death, or the next episode of _My Boyfriend Is A Demon_. But they always found their way back to each other, and the reason Cas didn't always have to voice his problems was because Dean already knew them and was working at solving every one of them.

  "Me too." Dean answered, cutting into their shared silence. He was quiet for a long time as the sun continued to get lower behind the trees. Cas wrapped an arm around his waist to pull himself closer to Dean when the wind picked up.

  "But I've never understood this tradition." Dean went on, breaking through the silence, "I know the graves are put there as a solid reminder of their life, but sometimes it seems like it's just there to celebrate the death and hold people back from moving on. You can't survive out here with a mind stuck in the past, stuck in that one moment where you could have done something different to solve all your problems now. No one owns a Flux Capacitor, we can only dream. And if you live your life stuck in a dream, reality will tear at you so hard you'll lose yourself. I've never liked graves because they were a solid reminder that death is permanent and you can't go back and solve it. I can tell it's been tearing you apart ever since you found Lori's grave. You spend too much time out here." Cas just sighed and lifted his head from Dean's shoulder to watch him as he stared at the grave and fidgeted with a flower in his hands.

  "I told you not to worry about me." Cas murmured, "and death isn't always permanent. You're a clear example of that." He continued, eyeing a car as it pulled onto the prison road and Daryl jogged to open the gates. Michonne, Rick, and Carl got out of the car with bags full of supplies and what looked like an oddly shaped cat sculpture. Dean didn't even turn his head at the sound of the engine, it was about time they got back. Instead he looked down at Cas and shook his head, arguing the prior statement.

  "Not anymore. Death is death. Heaven's collapsing within itself, hell has locked its doors, who knows where the king of hell himself has gone to. Look around you, don't you realize there are less monsters. Once these walkers spread like a plague, we haven't had many vampires and other creatures to deal with." Dean answered as Cas picked up his hand to trace over his fingers out of boredom, he'd heard this talk a thousand times. "And yes I do worry about you, all of you, all the time. It's what keeps me on my guard and alive." Cas couldn't help a small laugh at the statement even though Dean was trying to be serious.

  "Yeah right, Winchester, you stay alive because I keep your precious ass out of danger. If it weren't for me, you'd be dead." Cas joked, laughing as he tried to sit up but Dean pulled him back into his lap, knowing every spot Cas was the most ticklish and finding it easily. Another human weakness he hated.

  "So you think my ass is precious, huh-?"

  "I heard the wrong part of that conversation." Sam's voice came from behind the two of them, causing Dean to hesitate just long enough for Cas to grab his hands and knock him onto his back, pinning him to the ground so he couldn't get away. Sam just sighed out of embarrassment and took out a flask from his jacket pocket to take a swig of before he sat down in the grass next to Dean's head.

  "Still worried about me?" Cas asked, letting go of one of Dean's arms to reach out and grab the flask from Sam, taking a sip of it himself. Dean just rolled his eyes and gave up, letting his head relax back against the grass as he held up his free arm in surrender.

  "Yes." Dean answered with a smirk before he leaned up to kiss Cas's nose, which caused Sam to audibly gag. "Always."

  "Careful with that worry, you'll be gray by next month." Cas joked and handed the flask back to Sam before moving off of Dean to let him sit up. Sam finally found a sense of humor and almost did a spit take when he saw the terrified look on Dean's face at the mention of his hair.

  "Oh come on, I'm only... thirty-"

  "Add five years to that." Cas said with a smirk.

  "Says the multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent who's older than the fucking universe-"

  "That statement is clearly false, I'm only older than Earth. And anyway, I'm human now, I'm whatever age this vessel was." Cas said, moving closer to Dean and reaching up to tug on a strand of hair.

  "Would you look at that, already found a gray one." Dean glared at him and took the flask from Sam.

  "Whatever man, I'm going to be laughing when you have a full head of gray before me." He said. A sad look crossed over Sam's face, but it only lasted a few seconds, and neither one of them noticed. Dean saw that Sam still had a daisy behind his ear though, and he couldn't help but making fun of it.

  "Dude, could you be more gay-?"

  "Shut it, Charles put it there and I forgot about it-"

  "Yeah right, you like it, don't even try to lie."

  "I like it." Cas interrupted, both brothers turning to him with raised eyebrows. "What? I'd love one." Dean couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face.

  "I'll keep that in mind-"

  "Who's gay now, jerk-"

  "-bitch."

* * *

  Charlie watched Dean and Cas go into their cell for the night pretty early on, she had been worried about Cas from the way he had been acting earlier, but she didn't want to get involved. They looked pretty happy for the time being at least. For once she just wanted to stay out of it and lay on the bunk in her own cell, reading _The Hobbit_ for the second time that week. She'd read it to her mom so many times she could practically quote it cover to cover if she wanted. It was much easier than reading _The Wizard of Oz_. There were too I'm many personal ties to characters in that book. She had heard the return of Rick and the others, as well as the discussion in the cellblock of what they brought back and an old ally they ran into again. It wasn't a conversation she was interested in being apart of. Apparently Kevin didn't want to either, because within a few minutes he was walking into her cell and making himself at home.

  "Sam's being quiet again." He complained, sitting down on the edge of her bunk and looking over her shoulder at the pages of _The_ _Hobbit_. Charlie sighed, closing the book on her thumb to save the page and glaring at Kevin.

  "Sam's always quiet, what's new?" She asked sarcastically, placing her makeshift bookmark on the page and shutting the book.

  "Not always. But I haven't been able to get a word out of him lately, and it's so quiet in there. I'd rather share a room with you like we always have." Kevin paused as Charlie sat up and raised her eyebrows at him.

  "I miss your stories about that place... and you. Mostly you. I've never had a sister, and I've been stuck with the Winchester brothers for far too long." Charlie stared at him for a long few minutes before a smile spread across her face.

  "So I'm your sister?" She asked, sitting up straighter and smiling like the Captain of the Starship Enterprise just fell through the ceiling and gave her a job offer.

  "Yeah... We're all family now, Charles. You've got yourself four brothers." He said, smiling at her genuinely for the first time in what felt like forever. Without warning, her arms wrapped around his shoulders in a hug. 


	10. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Yay, another chapter actually sooner than probably expected :) This one is mainly Charlie based, I loved being able to write from her character's standpoint. I hope you enjoy it ^.^

  It was complete madness. Charlie hated to see everyone like this, but the whole idea of that stupid truce messed up everything. Dean was seconds away from unloading his gun on Rick, Cas kept having to apologize on behalf of all of them, and Sam tried his best to stay out of the whole ordeal. It wasn't a secret that the prison community didn't entirely trust their family. Now this truce, that consisted of a meeting between Rick and the Governor via Cas and Dean's consistent persuasion, was now going down south. Rick hadn't done what Dean wanted to do, instead he kept the Governor alive in hope of avoiding war. What he hadn't realized was that a war was already started, no matter if he killed the sicko then or later, it was going to happen either way. Rick came back with his team a few days ago and spoke of the Governor's threats of attack and war. Rick didn't seem like he believed his own words. Charlie could tell that he was spreading lies to scare everyone, but she didn't understand _why_.

  She was currently beside Sam in his bunk, head rested against his shoulder and eyes shut tight as if the darkness would distract her from the reality. She wasn't a soldier, she was a survivor at best. She didn't want to go to war, all of it was plain madness. They were all survivors, the walkers were the threat here. Cas had gotten everyone together in Sam's cell. He was sitting on the floor against the wall, blue eyes tired as if they've witnessed too many centuries. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Kevin was on the top bunk, legs dangling off the edge. No one wanted to talk.

  "What do you want, Cas?" Dean finally asked from the doorway, his voice broke through the silence shared between all of them. His tone was angry, probably still pissed from another argument with Rick. Cas just rubbed his eyes stressfully, head rested against the wall behind him and knees lazily pulled up towards his chest.

  "I think... I think we should consider leave-"

  "No-"

  "That's insane-"

  "This is probably the safest we will ever be-"

  "Why now-?"

  "They're starting a war, Dean!" Everyone's eyes turned to Cas then. His voice had risen, veins visible on his neck from the anger that built up inside him when he yelled. Usually he was the best out of all of them at keeping his chill in situations like this, but the broken look in his eyes scared Charlie. Dean was taken aback, eyebrows lifted in shock as he went to take a step towards him, but Cas signaled him to stay where he was.

  "Don't. This isn't between you and me, this is between all of us. We can barely save ourselves, are we really prepared for war when one isn't necessary?" Sam had stiffened at that, Charlie lifted her head off his shoulder and looked up at him with concerned eyes. He faked a smile for her and said it was fine, but she knew better. Charlie waited for Dean to yell back, to start the fighting up again. His pride usually rose above his heart, but he never did. Instead he ignored Cas and walked closer to kneel down in front of him with his hands rested on his knees.

  "It's what we do, Castiel. We save people for a living, that's our job. We can't just abandon these people now, as easy as that would be, we can't forget who we were." Cas wouldn't face him, he looked everywhere but Dean's face.

  "I agree. No one else should die because of this douchebag." Sam said, voice low but demanding. Charlie could hear the harshness behind it, and she wished they had never stumbled upon this prison in the first place. Wished Gabriel was still with them, wished they could all just be happy again. Kevin jumped down from the top bunk and waited for everyone's eyes to turn towards him before he spoke.

  "I don't even know why we're discussing this! The man kills innocent people, he was using Gabe for _sport_ , he had Merle torture Glenn while he tried to rape Maggie. He came and shot up this prison and left us a van full of walkers, as well as two bullets in Cas's shoulder! Why are we discussing this at all, just kill the guy already. A war isn't necessary if he's dead!" With that Kevin stormed out of the cell, off to God knows where. They all stared after him in silence. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again as if realizing whatever it was wasn't important. Cas's eyes were red as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Dean moved to sit next to him against the wall, he looked like he wanted so badly to reach out and comfort him, but instead sat in silence. Sam just stared at the wall, eyes hollow and expression unreadable. No one said anything, and after a while Sam got up to leave as well. Charlie stuck around a few more minutes.

  "I don't know what's right and what isn't anymore. I do know that none of us are good with war, but none of us are good at letting people like that get away with hurting our friends either." She said, causing Cas to look up at her long enough to nod and rest his head against Dean's shoulder. With that she left the two of them alone and followed after Sam to make sure he was okay. They really shouldn't have brought Gabe into this again. They needed to stop reminding him of what happened, she was sure it hurt enough as it was. She walked around the cellblock but couldn't find him or Kevin anywhere, so she ventured outside. Still nothing. They weren't by the fences, the lookout perches, nor by Gabe's gravestone. She started to worry until she saw the Impala parked by the other cars. Sam was in the front seat, and Kevin laid across the back bench, tossing a paper ball out of boredom. Charlie sighed in relief before she opened the passenger side door and got in. Sam wasn't surprised to see her.

  "You alright?" She asked. He turned towards her as if to say something, frowning before his eyes returned their gaze to the window. Kevin stopped throwing the ball and sighed, eyes traveling towards Charlie from the back seat.

  "That's about the stupidest question I've ever heard." He muttered. Charlie simply stuck her tongue out at him before she turned her attention back to Sam.

  "I'm serious, I think we do need to get out. Y'know, get some fresh air, enjoy being by ourselves again. How about a supply run, we don't need to get the boys involved, just ask Daryl to help with the gates-"

  "What good is a supply run, Charles?" Sam asked quietly, looking back over at her. She shrugged her shoulders in response.

  "I don't know, but I don't care. We need out. I'm starting to feel trapped here as well, we can leave for a day or two and come back, they won't even notice-"

  "And you really think Dean is just going to let us waltz out of here without another word-"

  "Did I say we had to tell him?" Charlie asked, convincing smile vanishing from her face as she looked from Sam to Kevin to see what their response was and neither said anything. As the minutes passed by of them thinking over the plan in their head, Daryl had walked up to the car with questioning eyebrows. He looked angry, then again he always looked angry with the amount of dirt and blood that covered his stern expression. He had been on his way to help the fence patrol when he saw them all sitting in the car awkwardly staring at each other. He tended not to ask questions when it came to their family, but this time his curiosity won over. Sam already had the window rolled down when he made his way over to talk, crossbow lazily slung over his shoulder.

"Y'all thinkin' of goin' somewhere or somethin'?" He asked. Charlie nodded to Sam, who sighed and finally agreed with her plan.

"Uh, yeah. We were planning to go on a run-"

  "What for?" He interrupted. Kevin turned pale, always the worst when it came to lies, but Sam was the best at thinking fast in these types of situations.

  "Charlie needs some... Feminine products-"

  "Hey, personal-!"

  "-and Cas needed some more pain meds for his shoulder. We thought while we were out there we might as well bring back some food and clothing for everyone else." Sam said, Charlie glared at him and Daryl shrugged.

  "Sure thing. We need some more baby clothes and stuff for Judith if you happen to come across any. Dean and Cas ain't joinin'?" He asked. The whole prison community had picked up on the fact that they usually did everything together and hardly ever split up. Sam shook his head.

  "Nah. Can you do me a solid and tell them where we went when they ask? We haven't exactly told them yet, but we're in a hurry." Sam said. Daryl nodded hesitantly but didn't ask questions. He was a chill guy, Charlie wished Rick would follow his lead more often. He started to walk towards the gate to open it while Sam started the engine up. Within no time they were out of the prison yard and down the road, finally free of the crushing pressure of being apart of a group. At one point Charlie got a chance to drive Baby. She'd only had few chances up until that point, it was usually quite difficult to get the keys from Dean, but Sam had his ways. Sam had moved to the passenger side and started fumbling around with his phone. He occasionally pressed some buttons and held the worn out device to his ear, a broken kind of smile spreading across his face even though his eyes showed just how sad he really was. Kevin fell asleep in the back seat out of boredom and the steady rhythm of the moving car. Charlie took that as her chance to question Sam again.

  "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, eyes glued to the road as she saw Sam squirm uncomfortably from the corner of her eye.

  "Yeah, I'm fine-"

  "You're really not, and I need you to talk to me." She interrupted, looking over at him briefly, expression stern. Sam just nodded and looked back out the window with a sigh.

  "Fine. You want me to talk, I'll talk. I'm not alright, and I probably never will be, but what I need from all of you is to stop with the concerned glances and the constant reminders, because dammit I can't make myself move on with all this sympathy thrown at me. You all look at me like I'm seconds away from crumbling, and sometimes I feel like I might, but you need to let me deal with it on my own. I've dealt with a whole lot of loss in my life, we all have, but at this point I'm used to it. I can keep myself breathing long enough to make sure all of you are, because at the moment that's all I have left." Sam kept his eyes fixed on the window in front of him, not even bothering to glance over at Charlie again. She regretted asking him at all and sunk further into her seat, knuckles turning white around the steering wheel. They didn't talk at all after that.

  It was already beginning to get dark outside, they had been driving just to drive, which meant they'd have to find somewhere to stay for the night at this point and time. Sam ended up pointing out the way to a small town they had been in before. It's streets were lined with a few gas stations, some run down convenience stores, and a small house or two. They'd stayed there before, it was pretty cleared out. Kevin woke up by the time they pulled into the town and sat up in the back seat, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He complained about his back hurting from the position he had fallen asleep in, before asking how long they'd been driving. They would have to find some gas as well, they drove a little farther then they had planned to. Dean was going to lose his mind when he found out.

  "We should hit up a few of the remaining stores before it gets too dark." Charlie suggested as she pulled into one of the abandoned parking lots. There were no sign of walkers outside, but that didn't mean they weren't hiding inside either. She shut the engine off and pulled her jacket on. It was one of Cas's old ones, torn and badly patched together, dried blood stains on the arms and the chest. It may look like it's been to hell and back, but it was warm and it did its job. She reached for her pack and slung it over her shoulder before she got out of the Impala, Sam and Kevin following her lead without a word. Her gun was loaded and attached to her belt, knife hidden inside her jacket pocket, as well as another one stuffed in her boots. Sometimes she wished for something to kill, to get out her anger on the diseased remnants of the world, but she wouldn't want to put the boys in harm's way, it was too dangerous. They scooped out the outside of the small shop, checking in the windows before slowly creaking the door open. It was the same routine as always, and she had almost forgotten how it used to be to walk into a store before all of this mess started. Greeting the cashier, casually strolling down the aisles with a basket. No worries, no walkers. The memory of what used to be seemed more like a dream.

  "Seems clear, be careful though." Sam said, nodding to both of them with his gun clutched in his hands. Charlie trailed off towards the knocked over shelves, whatever was left spread out on the floor in messy piles. She started to pick through what was left of the medical supplies, stuffing some bandaids and cloth into her bag. They didn't find much, just a torn blanket, some cough syrup, a crushed loaf of bread, and a baby toy. Just a simple rattle, but Judith would enjoy it nonetheless. They were about to leave the store when they saw the herd of walkers making their way down the streets of the town. Kevin was frozen at the window, looking out with wide eyes, fingers gripped tighter around his gun.

  "Guys... We've got company." He muttered under his breath, Sam jogged up to the window and cursed. Charlie decided to look around the place for a back door while the two of them gawked at the mess headed for them. It wouldn't do any good to run out to the Impala, they already had it surrounded, there were too many. They seemed to catch onto the fact that there was food inside the store as they began to bang against the front entrance. Sam and Kevin grabbed some shelves and placed them in front of the door to stop them, but there was no way they could last in there for the night. The windows were smashed in and there wasn't enough to block all the openings. The herd seemed to grow larger by the second, so Charlie yelled for Sam and Kevin to follow her. There was a back exit, she didn't know exactly where to go from there, but it was their best chance. There were some houses down the road a little ways, if they could make it to the one they've stayed in before, they'd be okay for the night at least.

  "They'll just circle round the back, Charles-"

  "What other genius plan do you have?" She asked Kevin, not waiting for an answer before she opened the back door, ushering both of them out. It seemed peaceful in the back, grassy fields connected to neighborhood streets. Everything was torn apart and stained with blood though, and the walker groans from out front didn't help the dreary atmosphere. They heard a crack behind them as one of the walkers managed to break one of the windows further. That was all it took to get them running in the other direction, not stopping to look behind them as they made their way towards the small neighborhood. If anything happened to Baby, Dean would kill them for sure. Charlie tried not to worry about the car at the moment, Dean would be even more infuriated if one of them got hurt.

* * *

 "What do you mean they _went out_?!" Dean yelled into Daryl's face, starting to panic as everyone in the cellblock turned to look at him. He could tell Daryl didn't like being yelled at, his pride was reaching for his crossbow, but his eyes softened the smallest bit when he saw Dean start to pace out of worry, seeming more concerned than pissed.

  "They told me they were goin' on a supply hunt, probably wantin' to get out of this trap for awhile, I know I do." He muttered, Rick walked up behind him and pulled on his shoulder to whisper something to him. He looked concerned, eyebrows furrowed as he looked from Daryl to Dean and back again. Cas was blaming everything on himself as usual, so he had already left the cellblock to help Carol with something. Anything to get his mind off of everything.

  "What's the cause of all this?" Rick asked, voice low and stern in the broken way it always was. He sounded seconds between talking to someone like a human and tearing their throat out. But Dean could tell it was all a mask, he'd lost just as much as all of them, and it turned him defensive. Dean could relate.

  "Half of my family has decided to go on a picnic without telling me. And Daryl here, knowing that for a good while now, hadn't told me until now. Look outside, the sun is already starting to set and they're not back! They've gone out before, but they're usually back by now." Rick sighed and looked over at Daryl, who simply shrugged his shoulders and loosened his grip on the crossbow.

  "Hey, I know you're worried, but they're adults. They can take care of themselves." Rick said quietly, reaching out to calmly lower Dean's hand down. It was then that Dean realized the gun in his hand, fingers loosening around it as they shook with worry. The rest of the cellblock stared in a mix between fear and interest, the whole place seemed to hold its breath at once. Glenn was the first to walk over to them, his face still bruised up from what Merle did.

  "They're smart, they'll probably be staying somewhere familiar for the night. If they don't return tomorrow we can send a few people out after them. But that's all we can do right now, they're tough, they'll be fine." He said, Rick nodding his head in agreement. They all stared at Dean as if he were seconds away from exploding and taking down all of them in his fragmentation, so he simply nodded and muttered an okay before putting his gun back on his holster and walking outside to find Cas. All eyes watched after him as he left, and he could have sworn he heard a few whisper that they weren't sure the rest would return. Judith was crying and Beth was trying to sing her back to sleep, Daryl and Rick were in deep conversation, probably about the Governor. Glenn walked back over to Maggie, who seemed a little more comfortable around him now then she had been a few days ago, arms wrapping around his waist in a hug. Michonne was outside on watch for the time being, and Carol and Cas were killing a few walkers through the fence. Dean watched as they gave up for the night and started to come back, and walked to meet them halfway.

  "Any news?" Carol asked as Dean walked over to Cas and reached out for his hand behind his back while Carol wasn't paying attention. Cas's fingers tightened around Dean's, though he looked over at him in concern from the unusual gesture. It wasn't like him at all.

  "No. Daryl said they drove off around mid-afternoon." He said, Cas pulling him along as they started to walk back towards the cellblock. Dean didn't want to go back inside, he liked it better out there. The small breeze was nice, the sound of the insects almost covered up the walker groans in the distance, and there weren't a bunch of eyes on him waiting for him to self combust. He hadn't felt so uncomfortable in his own skin since...

  "I'm sure they're fine. I don't think you're as worried about them as you are hurt that they would leave without telling you." She said, thanking Cas for the help before walking inside. Dean stopped walking and pulled Cas to a stop before they entered the cellblock. He just shook his head at Cas's questioning look and walked over to sit against the ragged wall of the brick building. There were blood stains along its surface, and bullets lining the ground, but he didn't care. Cas sat down next to him and tried to figure out what was wrong without asking, piercing blue eyes staring at him with concern.

  "It's getting quite cold out here, don't you want to go to our-"

  "Actually, I think the weather is nice." Dean interrupted, resting his head back against the wall as he closed his eyes as he listened to the sound of crickets. He could practically feel Cas's eyes staring at him, and awaited the questions that would follow.

  "We can't leave, not yet anyway." Cas said after awhile, surprising him by the change in subject. Dean sighed and opened his eyes again to look over at him.

  "Okay-?"

  "We owe it to Sam to help take out the Governor first-"

  "Yes, but why worry about this now, Castiel?" Dean asked, the use of Cas's full name catching him off guard. His eyes fell to his lap and his shoulders hunched in defeat as he leaned back against the wall.

  "Because this whole discussion in the first place is what caused them to leave. And I was the one who brought it up, just because I felt smothered by someone else's lead. I'm too familiar with that caged in feeling, but I realize now it's not the same, not entirely." Cas muttered, eyes lifting to look at the stars that started to appear in the sky as the sun finally set behind the trees. Dean didn't say anything, he was great at the not talking thing. Whenever he was afraid, angry, or downright depressed, he always stayed painfully quiet and defensive. It was the one thing that he knew bothered Cas the most, but he couldn't help but fall back onto the old habit like a cane. Cas didn't push it this time, he probably already knew what Dean was thinking. After awhile he moved closer and nudged Dean with his shoulder.

  "Come on, we should go inside. If anything they'll be back in the morning, and you need sleep." Cas said. Dean sat still, not making any attempt of getting up.

  "I don't know if we can do this, Cas." He said after a long silence.

  "Do what? It's like a one minute walk to the cell-"

  "You know what I mean, babe." Dean interrupted, finally looking over at Cas, who shook his head and glared at him. Dean used the pet name as more of an insult, because it always sounded out of place when Cas would try to use the 'human lingo'. It ended up being turned into more of a joke, and Cas hated it. He looked about ready to start yet another argument, but when he looked back over at Dean his eyes softened a little.

  "Stop thinking about everything tonight, they'll be fine. Just... focus on something else." Cas sighed as he looked around to see if anyone was around before leaning in to kiss him. Dean couldn't admit he wasn't the least bit surprised, but he didn't pull away from the kiss either. As much as he tried to seem like an emotionless asshole, Cas knew all of his weaknesses.

  "I love you." He murmured against Cas's lips.

  "I know."

* * *

 

  There were no walkers inside the house, it was completely cleared out from before. Even a few of their things had been left behind. Sam and Kevin worked on pushing the couch up against the door and barricading the other entrances and windows. It was about the safest place they could have possibly come upon, but still the occasional groan from a walker outside the door worried Charlie and made her wish they were back in the prison. They hadn't been in the cellblock long, but she had grown so used to the locked in rooms that she'd almost forgotten how it felt like to be afraid to fall asleep.

  "That should hold." Sam said, sighing in relief as he ran a hand through his hair. He had his sleeves rolled up past the elbows, Charlie couldn't understand how he wasn't cold, the house felt like a freezer. She ventured up the stairs to look for any blankets people might have left behind. They had already checked the rooms for walkers, but the still quietness put her on edge when she walked inside the dark rooms. She only found a few more blankets than they had from the store earlier, laying them out over the torn mattresses Sam had carried down from upstairs. There were only two, so Kevin was already complaining about having to share with Sam again.

  "This seven foot moose takes up more than half of that small thing. Plus, he rolls around like a fidgety five year old all night long. How the hell am I supposed to get any sleep?" Sam just rolled his eyes at the kid and started to clean his gun, messy locks of hair falling into his eyes as he concentrated.

  "Deal with it, at least he doesn't sleep cuddle like Cas does." Charlie said with a smirk playing at her lips.

  "How would you even know that?" Sam asked, looking up from the gun and pushing the hair out of his eyes with a playful smile. Charlie hasn't seen that smile in a long time, and she hadn't realized how much she missed it until now.

  "Sleepovers, man. We used to have them all the time before this mess started. How else do you think I learned so much about his and Dean's relationship before they even told you?" She asked, smiling proudly at the younger Winchester. Sam laughed and went back to cleaning his gun.

  "So what, you braided each other's hair and watched Disney movies-"

  "Lord of the Rings, actually. Though I did introduce him to a few Disney movies, which Dean hates me for." She said as she laid back on the mattress and reached into the bag at her side for her water bottle.

  "You didn't invite me, I'm offended." Sam said dramatically, before he placed the gun on the wooden floor beside the mattress he was on. Kevin was laying across the other half, tossing the paper ball above his head again.

  "Are you two going to carry on talking about princesses, or can we get some sleep?" Kevin asked as he reached for one of the blankets Charlie had found. Sam reached out to grab it first and stuck his tongue out at him when he succeeded.

  "Sorry, too slow there Mulan-"

  "Okay, now _that's_ racist, I'm not even-"

  "Why are you talking about princesses, Kev? Get some sleep." Charlie interrupted sarcastically, putting away the water bottle and wrapping the small blanket around herself.

  "Very funny." Sam had taken up more then half of the mattress by this point and Kevin groaned in annoyance as he reached for the last, and smallest, blanket to wrap himself in. At some point he finally gave in and curled up on his side, back against Sam's, sighing in frustration. It didn't take long for all of them to fall asleep, they were all exhausted.

  Typically someone would be woken up by the sun shining in through the window, not walkers knocking on the front door. They were hardly knocking politely, more like knocking the door down. Charlie wished they were like the nice zombies from Warm Bodies, but these were the exact opposite. She groaned in annoyance of the early hour and got up from the bed, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders to block out the morning chill. Sam and Kevin were still asleep, Charlie had become an incredibly light sleeper ever since the apocalypse started, so she wasn't surprised that she was the first out of bed. Sam was, as Kevin had predicated, taking up the whole bed. He laid spread eagle across it, Sasquatch legs falling off the sides. Kevin slept like a cat, curled up in his small blanket against Sam's side. Charlie couldn't help but smile at that, her boys actually looked peaceful for once. She picked up Sam's blanket from where he had kicked it on the floor sometime during the night, and placed it back over him before she searched her bag for her knife. The walkers weren't really a threat yet, but she wanted to be prepared. They had cracked the door in an inch or two, their heads bumping lifelessly against the crack, groans echoing. She walked into the kitchen to look for any food left behind. The shelves had been ransacked by passers by, but she was able to find a hidden cereal box in the corner of the pantry. It was torn and probably stale, but it was food. Charlie tried to pretend life was normal again as she searched the cabinets for bowls and found one that wasn't too dirty, pouring some of the cereal into it. It was plain Cheerios, and she was dead on about the stale factor, they were pretty gross. Either way she made sure to save enough for Sam and Kevin, and placed the box back on the counter before she walked over to the couch that was propped up against the door. She sat down indian style with her knife at her side and ready, keeping an eye on the walkers as she held the blanket tighter around her shoulders and began to pick at the milk-less cereal. She hadn't noticed Sam wake up until he was sitting at her side, blanket in hand.

  "Couldn't sleep?" He asked with tired eyes, resting comfortably against the couch before he reached for a cheerio. Charlie glared at him and moved the bowl out of his reach.

  "There's more in the kitchen. And no, I couldn't sleep." Charlie explained as she finished off the remaining Cheerios and bent down to set the bowl on the floor. Sam nodded and looked over at the walkers trying to get inside.

  "They can't get in, we're safe in here, you know that right?" He asked, eyes traveling from the knife at her side to the door, before they returned to her face.

  "Precautions." She said with a shrug before leaning back into the couch as well. They sat just like that for a long time in silence. Sam spread his own blanket out over them and after awhile Charlie found herself sinking further into the soft couch and tangle of warm blankets, falling asleep against him. She was amazed she was able to sleep with the groans from the walkers only a few yards away, but she tended to feel more safe with a Winchester at her side. Whether it be the gun or the brother, both served their purpose well. The next time she woke up Sam was awake, arm rested around her shoulders from where she had curled up against his chest, eating some Cheerios he must have gotten up to get at some point. Her knife was rested on the arm of the couch where he could easily access it. Charlie lifted his wrist to her face to view the time on his watch, it was still pretty early, around seven-thirty in the morning. The last time she'd woken up it was still dark outside.

  "We should wake up Kev and get started with the rest of the supply run." Sam said, looking down at Charlie when he heard her stir awake. "Dean is probably worried, he'll be expecting us back before sundown." He continued when Charlie protested his idea of getting up and moving. She was comfortable where she was, and had the slight idea of staying put for awhile longer that quickly vanished when she remembered the safe corridors of the prison cellblock. Instead of arguing she leaned back against Sam's shoulder with a frown and threw her empty water bottle at Kevin's head to wake him up. It managed to hit him straight on, causing him to groan in annoyance.

  "I'm awake, I'm awake. I just don't want to move-"

  "Blah, blah, blah, we have work to do." Sam said before nudging Charlie to get her to stand up and gather her stuff. Within a few more minutes of lazily searching the house for remaining supplies they could use, they were on their way out the back door. Charlie was worried that the whole herd had stayed out front, but many had moved on down the road overnight. The small group outside of their door didn't look like a problem, so they circled around them and ran back to the Impala with their newly filled bags over their shoulders. Not a scratch on the car, thank God for that. Knowing Dean was already infuriated by them leaving, scratching his car as well would get them killed. In a matter of minutes they were back on the road again, searching the town for a few more stores. Charlie had pointed out the gas station they were now searching through.

  "I found a few diapers!" She exclaimed in excitement from the back of the room. Sam held up a thumbs up from a few aisles over. She put them in her bag, along with a few more baby necessities: a bottle, small blanket, even a can of baby food. They had hit the jack pot of baby supplies. She was glad there was finally a baby around, she loved kids. With the Winchesters being the Winchesters, there weren't any kids in their family. Cas had talked to her a long time ago about the idea of adopting, but after Claire he wasn't sure if he was really up to it. Charlie knew that deep down Dean wanted kids, but she didn't push him, fearing he would scrap the idea completely if anyone other than himself or Cas brought it up. She had given up on them and moved her baby hope to Kevin one day finding himself a girl, but that was harder than it seemed for the awkward prophet, especially with the type of life they led. Then this mess happened and ruined any chance of Winchester babies ever. Maybe there was an adoption center back in Oz, she'd have to consult Dorothy about that if - _When_ they made it back.

  "Got some more pain meds over here. Cas is going to love me." Sam's voice called from the other aisle, followed by the sound of a pill bottle being thrown into his bag. Kevin was on the other side, gathering what was left of the food, when Charlie walked up with her bag over her shoulder. It was completely filled to the brim, and started to get quite heavy.

  "Anything good?" She asked with raised eyebrows, Kevin nodded enthusiastically and lifted up a chocolate bar from his bag, smiling ear to ear.

  "I forgot just how much I missed this stuff." He said excitingly. Charlie reached out for it and read the label. _Hershey's_. She couldn't remember the last time she had one of those.

  "Hey Sammy, check it out, Kev found a Hershey's bar-"

  "No way-"

  "Way!" That's when everything decided to go south. Sam had ventured around the counter to look for more stuff when they heard a large crash and walker groans coming from his direction. Charlie went straight into panic mode as usual and ran towards him with her knife gripped in her hand.

  "I got this!" Sam shouted from behind the counter, but Charlie heard more then one walker groan. When she got there Sam was knifing a walker that had attacked from the storage closest, but two others were on their way out as if they had been locked in there on purpose.

  "How did you not hear them in damn storage closest before you opened it!?" Charlie asked as she ran behind him to take out the nearest one. It was strong, pushing against her hold on its chest as she tried to keep it at arm's length, bloody hands reaching out for her, and horrible groans sounding from behind its snapping jaws. She began to struggle, the weight of what used to be a six foot three man with a beer belly crashing against her as she tried to pierce its head with a knife. She screamed out when it's nails got too close to her skin and stepped backwards, tripping over something on the floor. She didn't remember falling, she just remembered her head banging against the cold tile floor so hard that it bounced up as the weight of the walker crashed down on top of her. It was on her for less then a second before Sam had managed to stab a knife through its head and yank it off, but the close proximity and helplessness the position had put her terrified her. Kevin took care of the last one, this walker much smaller then the one that attacked her. Charlie dropped the knife at her side and let her legs relax onto the ground from the weird position they had been pushed up in. She scrunched her eyes closed in pain from where her head had connected with the tile. Sam was on his knees in seconds, frantically searching her for bites or scratches, eyes huge with worry.

  "What the hell Charles, I could have handled it!" He continued shouting out of fear of her being hurt, but she didn't catch the last few words because her head was spinning. Everything started ringing as the room around her got darker by the minute. She knew she was probably on the verge of passing out, either from the head collision or the shock, and quickly reached up for Sam out of panic. She got a grip on his jacket and tugged on it to get his attention.

  "Fuck... Hit my head pretty awful-"

  "Stop talking, it's alright, you're alright..." His voice trailed off again. He was still talking, but it sounded like all of them were under water. Kevin was at her other side now, carefully moving her hair out of her eyes. Everything faded to black then, all sound getting quieter by the minute before it fully vanished and she lost consciousness. Her eyes opened again to see Sam's arm and the steering wheel of the Impala. She was laying across the bench seat of the car, head rested on a small pile of blankets next to his leg. It felt like her head was exploding from the inside out whenever she blinked.

  "Hey, you're awake." Sam said, voice soft as if speaking to a child. Her own breath smelt horrible when she opened her mouth to say something, just then remembering how she had thrown up right before the black out. First sign of a concussion, wonderful. Kevin looked down at her with worried eyes from the back seat, reaching out to hand her a third of the the chocolate bar they had found. She managed a smile and laid the candy on her stomach before her eyes drifted back up to Sam, the odd angle making her dizzy. Or was that the concussion making her dizzy? She couldn't tell anymore, but either way she felt God awful.

  "Sorry." She said, the word echoed in her head and caused her to scrunch her eyes closed in pain.

  "I'm not mad, just worried. But you're fine... besides the concussion." He said as he reached down to put a cold cloth on her forehead.

  "Great, Dean is going to be pissed-"

  "Is that really your first thought? Not, 'oh thank you for saving my courageous yet overconfident life', or 'man, my head fucking hurts'?" Charlie smiled up at the younger Winchester. She would have rolled her eyes, but the smallest movement hurt.

  "Oh thank you, Sammy, for saving my courageous and _rightly_ confident life. What would I ever do without you?" She asked sarcastically, gaining a laugh from him and Kevin as they continued down the road. She didn't know how close they were to the prison, or how long she had been out of it, but she didn't care to ask.

  "No problem, Charles." Sam said, all joking gone from his voice. "You need to stop trying to save everyone though. When help is needed, it will be there. But don't put yourself straight into the heart of the danger out of impulse. We're big boys now, we can handle it. You may be stronger than all of us combined, but there's no use showing off." He said, smiling down at her. She scoffed but didn't argue against the complement. It was nice not to be babied for once, she _could_ take care of herself.

  "I'm more like Mulan than Kev is-"

  "Oh come on, don't start with that again."

  By the time they made it back to the prison the sun was getting low in the sky. They had stopped along the way to find some gas from the buildup of cars on the streets. They could have found more on the highway, but knowing herds usually showed up along those long roads, they stayed clear of it. Michonne and Glenn were the ones to open the gates and let them back inside. They hadn't caught sight of anyone else in the courtyard besides Maggie, who had been on watch with Glenn. Charlie started to feel dizzy again from all the commotion and closed her eyes to block everything out as Sam and Kevin gathered their bags together. After a few moments she finally sat up slowly, the change in position sending a pang of nausea through her stomach.

  "Whoa..." She whispered to herself, looking around for her bag and seeing that Kevin already had it over his shoulder. She placed the candy bar in her jacket pocket and began to slide out of the seat, smiling in greeting to Glenn and Maggie as they stared at her with concern.

  "What happened?" Maggie asked as Charlie stood up and out of the car, swaying slightly until Sam balanced her upright against his side, arm supporting her waist.

  "Concussion. She just hit her head, she'll be okay-"

  "She also knows how to talk." Charlie interrupted in annoyance before continuing, "Walker was too strong, knocked me clean over. Sam killed it though, I just have a nasty bump on my head from my collision with the tile floor." Maggie frowned at her and Glenn nodded in understanding.

  "Well I hope you feel better. Your brother is really worried about you." She said, and as if on cue Dean and Cas were jogging towards them from the cellblock exit.

  "What the hell, Sammy?!" Dean shouted at them, Kevin sighed in frustration beside Sam.

  "Here it comes-"

  "What were you guys thinking-?"

  "Nice to see you too, Dean-"

  "You could have just told me-"

  "Yes, because you're our father now-"

  "Don't start that now-"

  "Charlie, what's wrong?" All eyes were on her now. The words had been spoken by Cas, who had noticed her wince in pain at the abrupt yelling. He now stood in front of her, carefully lifting up her chin to look into her eyes. She managed to glare at him as he did so, but he didn't seem to care.

  "Concussion." Glenn muttered quietly from behind them, as if unsure he should be intervening. Dean was about to shout more questions at Sam, but Cas reached out and clamped a hand over his mouth.

  "Have you been throwing up?" He asked Charlie, blue eyes staring at her in concern.

  "Uh, once. But hey, buddy, I'm alright-"

  "Have you drank any water since-"

  " _Castiel_ , I am fine."

  "Okay, okay, but how hard did you hit it? What happened?" Cas looked about ready to explode with motherly questions, and as much as it annoyed Charlie, she couldn't help but appreciate his concern for her. She sighed and walked a step forward to lazily wrap her arms around him in a hug instead of answering any questions. That stopped the questions completely. The fallen angel softened at the touch as if all the worry was being washed away at once. They were back and alive, that's all that mattered these days.

  "Please don't ever-"

  "-leave without telling you again, I know. I'm sorry, we just needed some space." She said against his chest. Dean watched the two of them as Cas pulled back and helped balance Charlie on their walk back into the cellblock, going on and on about certain medicine they needed to give her and how much water she should be drinking.

  "On a scale from 0 to Thorin Oakensheild finding out Bilbo betrayed him, how mad is your fiancé?" Charlie asked, leaning against Cas as they walked inside the cellblock. Cas laughed and shook his head.

  "He's not mad... he was just worried-"

  "That's bullshit parents say all the time, and you know it." Charlie said as they rounded the corner to her cell, passing the worried glances of the prison community and the echoing cries of baby Judith.

  "Not my father... He made it clear when he was angry. For instance, the Great Flood-"

  "Okay, okay, Mr. High and Mighty." Charlie laughed as Cas helped her sit on the edge of the bunk. He went through his and Dean's medical bag for pain meds, and was about to hand them over to Charlie when she declined.

  "We found some more ibuprofen on the supply run, I had three on the drive back... I'm not sure how long ago-"

  "Well this is..." Cas trailed off to read the label, "Ty-lin-all. _Tylenol_. I'm guessing you can have this too-"

  "She can." Dean said from the doorway, walking in with a bottle of water. "Gosh Cas, why should we trust you with the medical supplies if you don't even know what Tylenol is." Dean smirked at Charlie, which she didn't expect at all, before he sat down on the bunk next to her and handed over the bottle of water. She gladly downed the pills before capping the bottle and placing it on the bed beside her.

  "Sam told me what happened. If you guys really need space from this place we can-"

  "No, no I like it here. I just... felt a little cramped as time went on, that's all. Maybe once this whole ordeal with the Governor is over and done with, then we can decide our next move. But for now, we need to stay and help." She eyed Cas as she said the last sentence, and he dropped his eyes to the ground.

  "Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just jumping the gun on that as always. Didn't mean to cause all of this." He said, eyes like a wounded puppy. Dean looked seconds away from doing all he could to make Cas smile again, but he stayed at Charlie's side and looked back and forth between the two of them.

  "It's not your fault, Cas. Don't beat yourself up, we're all grown ups here, we can take care of ourselves." She said, a sharp pain shot through her head when she did so, causing her to wince and lean against Dean's shoulder. He instinctively wrapped an arm around her as if it was second nature by now.

  "I'm fine. I'm good, really. That aside, we did have some luck with the supply run." Charlie said after a few minutes of silence.

  "That so?" Rick's voice interrupted from the doorway of their cell. All of their heads turned towards him at once, the former sheriff didn't usually get involved with their family, the few words surprised them. Charlie expected trouble, but he actually had a relaxed smile on his face, she didn't think she'd ever seen the man smile before. He was holding Judith wrapped up in a tattered blanket against his chest. Charlie suddenly felt a pang of excitement from the sight of baby Judith.

  "Actually, I brought Judith some things. Cas can you hand me my bag? Thanks. Okay, I found a rattle, which of course we'll have to sanitize, and a new bottle in case you needed extra. Also a few more baby blankets that are in pretty good shape, one jar of baby food, and even some more diapers." Rick's smile seemed to grow larger by the second.

  "I need to send y'all out more oftentimes seems, thank you." Rick said, eyes brightening as he walked towards them and kneeled in front of Charlie. He pulled Judith back from his chest and pointed to the stuff Charlie had found for her. Judith reached out a hand from the blanket and pointed her tiny fingers at Charlie, following in her dad's lead.

  "She's beautiful." Charlie whispered to Rick, eyes never leaving Judith as she reached out to hold her small hand. Judith smiled widely back at her, eyes full of innocence and what seemed like the only remaining hope left in this world. It wasn't until that moment that Charlie realized she was finally home again. It was small and broken, but it was something. It was enough. 


	11. Michonne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me, finally updating again! I'm busy with senior procrastination but I finally got this chapter how I wanted it, as well as added in some other POVs. I will have another chapter on the way soon, it's already written, promise :) So anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for all the nice comments! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated :)

Sam was in the lookout perch, feet dangling off the edge with a pair of binoculars at one side and a rifle on the other. Everything seemed normal with the walkers, though they were getting quite persistent at knocking against the fence. He was thinking of shooting one down with a silencer, but decided against it when he saw Rick, Hershel, and Daryl walk outside. It wasn't because he thought Rick would get mad about him shooting down a walker, but because of the aggressive sounding whispers he heard coming from the three of them. He could tell they were talking about the truce with the Governor, but he didn't understand why it was brought up again. Rick had told everyone that the Governor pretty much declared war on them. Sam did his best to listen in on the conversation, but he only made out a few words that didn't fit right without context. Something about Michonne, kids, unsafe, and Merle. After awhile Rick simply nodded at Hershel in agreement to something, not looking happy about it at all. At some point after they went inside, Daryl walked up to take over Sam's watch shift.

"Hey, what was that about?" Sam asked when the other man climbed up to the perch and sat his crossbow down beside him.

"You can ask Rick if ya really wanna know." Daryl said, sighing as he leaned back against the wall behind them.

"I'd rather ask you... I heard you guys talking about the truce a little while ago, which I thought was over and done with. Rick mentioned your brother." Sam said cautiously, watching as the words changed the expression on Daryl's face.

"I told ya, I ain't sayin' nothin'. This doesn't concern ya." He said after a while, looking anywhere but Sam and fidgeting with his arrows. Sam shrugged and nodded towards where Rick had gone.

"I know you and Rick are pretty close, and you probably don't want to-"

"I said, nothin' concerns you." He interrupted before he turned his attention back to the walkers tearing at the fence walls. Sam nodded and decided not to prod any further, leaving the gun behind before making his way down the perch. Daryl seemed uneasy about the idea, but Sam had a feeling he'd consult Rick about it sometime. When he got back inside he went straight to his brother's cell, him and Cas were still asleep. It was only six or seven in the morning, they gave the morning risers the early watch shifts, and Sam had a bad sleep schedule. He didn't mind, it was nice to get outside when the sun was just rising and no one else was around. He walked over to the side of the bed and reached out a hand to shake Cas.

"Rise and shine, blue eyes." He joked, causing the former angel to groan in annoyance before squinting his eyes open to glare at Sam.

"What do ya want?" He murmured. Dean shifted behind Cas in his sleep and pulled him back against his chest when he tried to lean up on his elbow.

"Something that may be important has come up about the truce, thought you guys would want to hear." Cas didn't seem too interested at the given moment, but tiredly elbowed his fiancé in the chest anyway.

"Wake up, your brother has important stuff to tell you." Sam glared at the sarcasm in Cas's voice, he was definitely spending way too much time with Dean. Dean groaned in annoyance from being woken up, but opened his eyes anyway to look at Sam over Cas's shoulder.

"What's so important-?"

"Stuff... things-"

"Get on with it, Sammy."

"So get this, I might just be paranoid, but I heard the three inner circle buddies talking about the truce..." Sam went on to tell them both about everything he had witnessed, explaining how he could be completely wrong, but he had a feeling Michonne might be in danger. After a few minutes of silence, Dean sat up with his eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Rick might have made a deal with the Governor that involves Michonne and Merle. He's been lying to all of us about it." Sam finished, causing Dean to shrug nonchalantly. Cas on the other hand finally seemed interested by that point as he got up from the bed to search through Dean's duffle for clean clothes.

"I heard Michonne stabbed out the guy's eye and killed his zombified daughter. He probably wants her in exchange for peace. Which, in his psychotic way, would make sense. But Rick can't possibly be thinking of actually handing her over, can he? That's just-"

"- not like him? Do we actually know him though?" Sam interrupted, the words surprising Dean.

"We know he's a good man. He's watching out for his family and keeping them alive just like we are." Dean said in defense of Rick, catching one of the shirts Cas had thrown at him from the duffle and pulling it on over his shoulders as Sam frowned in concentration. By the time Cas was sat back on the bed and brushing Dean's disheveled hair down with his fingers, Sam spoke up again.

"Okay. Seeing as how he would do anything to protect his family, if he were willing to actually hand over Michonne, what do you think the Governor threatened him with?" Sam asked. Dean just nodded in concentration and moved Cas's hand away from his head.

"Valid point. But you said you pieced this together from whispers, you may be making mountains out of molehills-"

"I know, I know, but maybe I'm not."

* * *

Kevin was lying awake in his bunk that night when he heard commotion in the cellblock. He had listened to Sam's prediction earlier that morning, and the thought of it kept him awake past midnight. It was probably almost four in the morning, but he wasn't the least bit tired. He didn't mind the slight insomnia, he had to keep checking on Charlie anyway. His mom always told him not to sleep when you hit your head real bad, but seeing as how it's been a full day since then, she should be fine. The whole thing just concerned him and inflicted more anxiety than he needed.

The voices from the cellblock grew louder by the minute. Someone shushed another, the noise echoing louder than the original voice. Kevin crawled down from the bunk and crept to the door. He was so graceful that he managed to trip over  _everything_  left on the floor in the darkness. Yet somehow, he was still able to keep quiet as he made his way to the door of the cell to peer out in curiosity. Rick was standing by the staircase, and Merle Dixon sat on the stairs, messing with the metal contraption in place of where his hand used to be. He was apparently the cause of the loud whispering.

"It's the only way we can make sure the rest of us are safe." Rick said, pacing back and forth with his hands clutched behind his back as if he didn't agree with his own words. Merle simply stared at the guy with wide eyes as if Rick just decided to join the dark side. "It just ain't us." Rick continued, seeming even more unsure of himself than before.

"You're as cold as ice, Officer Friendly." Merle whispered jokingly, holding up the knife where his hand used to be with emphasis, a smirk spreading across his lips that didn't seem amused in the least. Rick glared at the more headstrong of the Dixon brothers.

"He threatened our children, my baby, Hershel's daughters. All of us would be safe if we just return a stranger to him, but - I can't. I won't."

"Michonne doesn't seem like much of a stranger now." Merle said with raised eyebrows. Kevin couldn't believe Rick was actually considering this, Michonne had even done her part today to keep them all safe. It was her idea to put the spikes in the field right inside the gates incase of another attack, so the cars would be stopped before they could come too far. Then again, people usually go to extremes when it comes to their family's safety, he's seen it happen a lot within his own. Kevin felt a hand on his back and almost screamed out at the surprise, which would have given him away entirely. He turned around to find Charlie looking over his shoulder at the scene playing out in the cellblock. She had a pill bottle in her hand, downing a few with a sip of her water, eyes blurry with sleep.

"What's going on?" She whispered in concern. Kevin shook his head, guiding her away from the door and further into the cell where they couldn't be heard. He sat down on the bottom bunk beside her and told her what he was able to pick up on, her eyes darkening with each word.

"He can't possibly be considering this." Charlie said, though it came out as more of a question, "Rick is a good man, a family man, he wouldn't betray one of his own-"

"But he's not, is he? They're asking Merle Dixon of all people for advice on what to do." Kevin said, which got her quiet real fast. She sat still, thinking over it for a long while, before she spoke up.

"If I were him, I would do everything I could to double cross his plan so that everyone got to live. I wouldn't put one of my own in danger, even if it's just a suggestion towards Merle to do the dirty work, because you know he will. When are they planning to do this?" She asked, eyes narrowing through the darkness as Kevin shook his head.

"Depends on Merle. I would think sometime tomorrow-"

"Then we'll wait it out. If Rick does decide to go through with this, we'll follow Merle to stop him before he hands her over to the Governor." Charlie said with the harshest sincerely in her voice that Kevin had ever heard. He nodded hesitantly and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"Okay, we'll tell the guys tomorrow morning. I promise. Get some sleep, little hero-"

"I'm older than you, Mulan." She joked as he moved off the bunk to climb back up to his. He pulled the covers around himself like a cocoon and was asleep in seconds. All the uncertainty of what they were planning to do about the whole mess finally faded to black and allowed him to fall asleep.

* * *

He couldn't do it. He could tell by the look in Daryl's eyes that they both knew that this was the wrong call, yet for some reason Rick still found himself walking around the prison trash to find wire.  _Can't use rope_ , Merle had told him,  _she'll just bite herself free_. That one sentence made Rick want to reconsider everything. It was as if that alone made everything feel real, that he was really handing one of their group over to the enemy. And what for, safety? Peace? They couldn't even trust this guy to uphold the truce, they didn't know him well enough, and he was clearly psychotic. Rick bent down to pick up a blue wire, wrapping it around his wrist a couple times to see if it was tight enough. He winced in pain when he pulled too tight, head lifting to see her standing there again. She wasn't there, he knew that, why was it so hard for him to know that? He blinked, rubbed his eyes a couple times, and looked again. Still she stood there, fingers clutching the gate and hand rested on her stomach. Just as beautiful as the last day he'd ever see her again. He was pulled back to reality by a hand on his shoulder and jumped to his feet, grabbing at his knife before he realized it was Daryl.

"Easy, you okay?" Daryl asked, which was unusual for him. Rick shook his head and tured around to look back at the ghost, but she was gone.

"We can't do this. Michonne's earned her way into this community, we can't just drag her back to her death." Rick said, dropping the wire at his feet. Daryl watched it as it fell with curiosity, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Talk to my brotha'?" He asked after a few minutes with a knowing look. Rick nodded, and was about to walk back to the courtyard, when Daryl reached out and caught his arm. "We don't 'ave to do this, y'know? You're makin' the right call." He said, making sure Rick was looking at him and understanding the weight of his words. He nodded again and Daryl let go, following after him as they walked back to the courtyard to find half of the Winchester family perched on one of the lookout towers. The redhead and the one that pulled a gun on him. He trusted Charlie and the rest, they've been nothing but nice to him, Dean on the other hand reminded him of a time bomb with a short fuse. When Charlie saw the two of them walk out she lifted up her hand to wave, a large smile plastered on her face.

"Good afternoon, Sheriff." She called out. The words surprised Rick, but he decided to brush it off. She hadn't been there when he decided he wasn't fit for the uniform anymore.

"Isn't the world a little rotten for it to be considered a good afternoon?" Rick asked with the hint of a smile in his voice.

"It's better to be optimistic during times like this." Charlie said, a little softer now, but smile still just as bright. Rick envied her, but he knew she'd probably lost just as much as him, she just wasn't showing it. Daryl patted him on the shoulder before saying he was off to take care of the walkers that were piling up outside the fences.

"How's yer head?" He called over to Charlie as he walked away, turning on his heel to walk backwards while he awaited an answer.

"Pretty good, still slightly dizzy, but that's normal for these types of things." She said, leaning back against the wall of the lookout and dangling her feet over the edge. Daryl held up a thumbs up, with what looked like an actual smile, before walking the rest of the way to the fence with his crossbow slung over his shoulder. Rick waved up to them once more before he walked back towards the cellblock door. Dean hadn't said anything, which was odd for him, because he was the one usually arguing up a storm. Rick didn't feel like pushing any of his buttons today, he had a lot more to deal with. When he walked in he found Hershel and his daughters sitting at the worn wooden table in the middle of the cellblock, reading verses out of the bible. Rick decided to stay in the shadows long enough for them to finish, frowning as Hershel stood and reached for his crutches to limp over to him.

"I can't do it... I just can't." Rick muttered when Maggie and Beth had left earshot. Hershel's smile seemed to disappear as the hope drained from his eyes.

"It's alright, you tried, we just aren't like him. We'll find peace a different way. Finding peace doesn't always mean becoming the enemy you're running from, we always have other choices." Hershel said, but Rick could tell he was worried about the safety of his daughters, and enraged at the Governor after what happened to Maggie. Rick dropped his eyes to the floor, hands fidgeting with his holster out of impulse.

"I saw her again." He whispered, looking up to meet Hershel's concerned eyes. He simply nodded and put a hand on Rick's shoulder.

"She's in a better place now, son, much better than a life in this world. What you're seeing is in your mind, you want her to be there so your mind tricks you into thinking she's actually still watching you. And she is, but not from here as a ghost, from up there." Hershel said, nodding upwards with a smile on his lips.

"I told you my thoughts on your God-"

"I know, and I'm telling you she's in a better place, regardless if you feel that He has a 'sick sense of humor'-"

"Faith and hope 'ave no more meanin' in a world like this." Rick said quietly, looking away from Hershel and listening as Beth's soft singing started to echo throughout the cellblock.

"They have all the meaning in this world." Hershel said, eyes sad as he nodded and started to limp in the direction Beth's singing was coming from, the sound of the crutches colliding with the floor sending out their own echo.

* * *

Dean rested back against the wall of the lookout next to Charlie as she stared through binoculars that were too big for her face. Sam had finally left the cellblock and joined Daryl to get rid of the walkers at the fence. For the first time in awhile, Dean actually didn't know what Cas was doing. Charlie seemed to be Officer Friendly's bestie the last couple of days. It was good she was trying to fit in, but it felt like it just pushed Dean further out of the inner circle. Rick didn't really prefer his company, Dean has realized he may be a pretty difficult guy to trust, but he wished the guy would acknowledge him sometimes.

"What are you daydreaming about?" Charlie asked, nudging him in the shoulder before placing her binoculars down at her side. Dean brought himself out of his thoughts and looked over at her with a shrug.

"Nothing-"

"And by nothing, you mean-"

"None of your business." He interrupted, gaining a glare from the redhead. Instead of prodding him even further, she just laid back against the wall and sighed, stuffing her hand in her pocket to pull something out.

"Whatever. Go ahead and do that dark and mysterious brooding thing you're so great at." She said, Dean watching her hands curiously when he saw a glint of silver. "Either way, I've got something for you. Hold out your hand and close your eyes-"

"That could go many ways-"

"Just do it." She interrupted, reaching out with her free hand to grab his and pull at his fingers.

"Chill, Charles, what is this about?" She looked seconds away from poking his eyes out if he didn't close them, so he obeyed and waited. After a few seconds he felt two metallic objects drop into his palm, and at that moment he knew exactly what was going on.

"Charles..."

"Just open your eyes." She said excitingly. He did as she said and stared down at the two wedding rings in his palm. They were silver and cleaned to the best of their ability. His cheeks turned bright red as he moved his eyes from the rings to glare at Charlie.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Just how long have you two been engaged? Like, forever. Make it official already." Dean looked back down at his a palm, tracing over one of the rings with his finger curiously. He'd always thought about the idea, but never of the rings. It was the zombie apocalypse, who needed tradition anymore? Surely not a fallen angel who had no idea of any human traditions besides the holidays and things Dean had taught him over the years.

"You don't need anything like a ceremony or anything, trust me I know you too well to even try to talk you into that, just... give him the ring, Dean." She said, reaching out to close his hand around the rings.

"Why'd you give these to me? Cas is way better with these romantic gestures-"

"He also wouldn't understand the meaning behind it. You have to do it, and you have to explain the tradition. I know you kind of skipped the whole down on one knee engagement thing, but a girl can dream, so you'll at least have wedding rings." She smiled and looked back out at Sam and Daryl killing walkers through the fence. Dean was waiting on more of an argument from her, but it never came. He put the rings in his pocket and returned to clutching his gun at his side and watching out for anything out of the usual outside the fences.

"Okay... I'll try." He said after awhile of silence. Charlie looked over at him with wide eyes, smile growing larger by the second. "Just... Don't look at me like that, stop it, it's just a few rings-" he couldn't finish because she'd already tackled him with a hug.

* * *

Cas left his cell and ventured into the prison. He knew not all of it was free of walkers, but he wasn't worried about it because he would find a way to take a shower his own way if it killed him. He stuffed a few water bottles and a rag in his duffle, along with some clean clothes. He hated the dirt, hated the dark circles under his eyes, hated the matted hair and the sweaty clothes. He'd spent forever and a day as an angel where he could just snap his fingers and, boom goes the dynamite, he's as clean as the day he was resurrected for the second time. But no, not anymore, now he understood why Dean was always obsessed with the water pressure of the bunker's shower. The amount of dried blood all over him was getting unbearable, he had to do something about it. He looked for any sign of a bathroom of some sort, prisons had bathrooms right? Anywhere private and closed-in was okay with him, he didn't want a walker taking him down in the middle of cleaning his hair, nor did he want to strip down in his small cell with the chance of Charlie or Kevin walking in looking for him. It took him a while, but he finally came across one. It was actually a shower room, too bad the running water was out of the question. He walked in and dragged the door shut behind him. It was falling off its hinges, so he made sure to barricade it enough that no walkers could get in. When he turned around to face the small shower room again he heard a groan from the corner. Of course, there always had to be one walker to delay things. Cas sighed and reached for his knife, waiting for the biter to come out from the shadows before stabbing it clean through the forehead, getting even more blood on his hands. He decided to check out the rest of the room for other entrances and exits before he could finally wash away all the dirt, grime, and blood that's built up for God knows how long.

By the time Cas was putting his boots back on and running his fingers through his wet hair, he heard footsteps outside the door. They didn't belong to walkers, the steps were too even and quiet, they had to be human. He gathered his stuff, putting his dirty clothes in the duffle he'd brought, along with the rag that looked like it had been through the apocalypse. He was wearing one of Dean's cleaner ACDC shirts, disregarding the bloody mess of a jacket completely. It was warm enough for just jeans and a shirt today. Cas slung the heavy duffle over his shoulder and started to walk towards the door cautiously, listening out to hear the voices that followed the footsteps. It was Michonne and Merle, the oddest pairing Cas could ever imagine, given the fact that Merle tried to kill her. But still they were out there, approaching the incoming walker groans from the next hallway. Cas watched through the break in the door hinge as the two stopped talking long enough to start killing the walkers. He remembered what Sam had told him the day before, and carefully placed his bag back on the ground to avoid noise. He held his knife at his side and waited for Merle to make a move. But he just stayed back behind Michonne, which Cas found to be pretty odd, watching her kill most of the walkers for him. Cas started to question his motives and was about to interrupt whatever he was planning when Merle swung at Michonne and knocked her clean out. Cas tried to move the barricade away from the door as fast as possible, shoving it aside as he drew his knife on the older Dixon, who'd just finished killing the remaining walkers and was now trying to lift Michonne.

"Why, would ya look at that, the blue-eyed fag thinks he's-"

"Go to hell." Cas interrupted, glaring at Merle and wishing he still had the power to smite people.

"Ain't that cute? Guess'll run into each otha' one day, since ya be goin' too." Cas really wanted to say he'd already been, but now was the time to save Michonne before more walkers came, not confuse the asshat.

"What do you think you're doing with her?" Cas asked behind clenched teeth, stepping a foot closer to the man who apparently thought everything in life was a big joke, wearing a smile that spread across his face even when threatened.

"I'm only doin' what Rick can't. It was his intention, I'm jus doin' the dirty work. Some people gotta live, and some people gotta die. It's the way thangs work." Merle answered, every word making Cas want to drive his knife through the guy's chest. He was about to take a swing at him when he found himself pushed against the wall. Merle pinned him there, a knife held to his throat.

"Betcha love bein' manhandled, pretty boy-"

"Fuck you." Cas spat, immediately taking the sudden gesture to use his free arm to jerk Merle's hand away and knee him in the groin, but all that did was give him a few seconds of time. With that he took another swing at Merle's face, the knife cutting into his cheek. Nothing seemed to bother Merle though, he still wore his joking smile as if this was all a game to him. Cas had things under control until Merle saw his bullet wound after pulling at the collar of his shirt. The asshole then decided to stick his thumb into the healing stitches and reopen it. Cas tried to ignore the pain it caused him and focused on getting Merle off of him, but with the slight hesitation at the pain he was pushed back against the wall, his other arm completely useless where Merle had it pinned. Suddenly Merle hit him upside the head with his metal contraption of a hand and everything started to fade. Merle let his guard down when he saw Cas stagger at the hit, which gave him enough time to kick him in the stomach and send him back into the middle of the hallway. Cas reached for his knife from where it had fallen on the ground, everything spinning as the hit on his head made standing harder than usual. He was surprised Merle hadn't come back at him yet, but when he looked back up he realized the small herd of walkers making their way down the dark hall. Shit. Merle had dragged Michonne down the hall before going after the walkers and taking out what he could. There were too many. Cas was about to reach for Michonne and just leave the guy, but he could barely function with the amount of ringing in his ears and darkness threatening to pull him under. Being human sucked, how did the Winchesters accomplish all they did when human weakness was so distracting? Cas didn't have time left for a decision, the walkers that got past Merle were cornering him. He kicked them away and slashed through as many as possible, but there were too many. They shoved him against the wall, teeth snapping at his arms and neck. He continued pushing them away, but his knife had dropped again and he had no way to kill them with his current strength. They were attracted to the blood pooling over his newly opened wound, and went straight for his weak point. He'd lost so much blood by then, and he felt so lightheaded, that he knew he could drop at anytime, and the aftermath wouldn't be pretty. He hoped Michonne would wake up and make it out of there. Dean was going to be extremely pissed when he realizes Cas got himself into this situation. Dying hadn't been something Cas had thought would happen, especially not today of all days, but the second the thought of Dean came into his mind so did dying. God, what would happen if he didn't make it? Here he was worried Dean would be pissed about him getting hurt, when he wasn't even sure he'd be able to see Dean again. The thought made him push harder against the biters, struggling against their hold and making sure to stay clear of scratches and teeth. He heard a shout behind the walkers that made them turn their main attention away from him. The second they weren't trying to naw his skin off he felt the pain in his head again as he reached to put pressure over his bleeding wound. He saw Merle taking on the walkers that had been after him before. Cas was about to help when the blood loss became too much for him and he finally gave in to the pain and slid down the wall, sinking into unconsciousness rather quickly.

Cas woke up to the sound of walkers, jumping to his feet to see the small group coming down the hall from the other direction. He was surprised he was still alive, looking around at all the dead walkers at his feet. He had a feeling he might be bit, but didn't have time to check, the group was getting closer. He reached for the knob of the door behind him and he tumbled inside, kicking it shut on one of their heads as they came after him. Great, he'd just cleaned up and there was already blood on his clothes. Not to mention the blood soaking through the shirt from where Merle had reopened his wound. He stood up slowly this time, making sure to ease into the movement as his head felt like a hundred pound weight, before he barricaded the door against the groans of the remaining walkers. He started to see black when he blinked and knew he was close to passing out again, taking the time to look through his duffle for his other shirt to rip and wrap around his shoulder and keep pressure on it. He looked around at all the blood on his skin, but none of it was from a bite. There were a few knife wounds from Merle, the blood from his bullet wound drenching basically everything, and walker blood splattered everywhere from the fight. After a few minutes of catching his breath and relearning his surroundings, he slung the duffle over his shoulder and got his knife out and ready for the walkers on the other side. Once he moved the barricade away, four of them came piling in one by one. The first one was easy, but the next two gained up on him as he was pushed back against the other wall, hand outstretched against one's chest to hold it back and away while his stabbed a knife through its forehead. The second that one was dead, the remaining two were on him in seconds, snapping their jaws at his neck and trying to reach for his shirt. It was tough with the hurt arm, but he managed, and soon enough he was walking over their dead corpses and running down the hallway that led to the main cellblock. He didn't know how long it had been, there weren't any windows in the hall to see if it was dark yet, but he knew Merle had Michonne and Rick may be part of it. He only came across a few more walkers before he made it back, running in and slamming the door behind him before he let his duffle drop on the floor and looked around to see everyone staring at him. He quickly scanned the room for Dean, but didn't see him.

"Where have you been? What happened?" He turned around to see Carol looking at the makeshift bandage around his shoulder, along with the blood splattered all over him.

"I... Merle took-"

"We know, it was a mistake on my part, but Daryl's out lookin' to stop 'im now. Sam and Kevin joined 'im."

"Wait, wait, Merle said this was your doing, whatever it is." Cas said, the room started to spin around him as he looked at Rick in confusion and anger. Rick just nodded and didn't look happy to agree.

"It was my truce with the Governor. He said if we hand over Michonne he'd leave us be. But I couldn't do it. I decided against it, and Merle took it upon himself to finish the job." Cas stared at him wide eyed and gripped at his shoulder, wincing as a pang of pain shot through it.

"Yeah, real peach that one. Reopened my fucking wound... Though if he didn't kill those walkers I would be dead right now." Cas said, Hershel had already limped over and was pulling the tied shirt up to study the wound as Rick's eyes traveled to the floor.

"Where's Dean?" Cas asked, everyone in the cellblock stared at him and Rick finally lifted his eyes to find his.

"He went outside to find you. He had checked the inside first but couldn't find you, so he's probably out by your brother's grave now. He's real worried." Rick said. Cas nodded his head quickly and assured Hershel he was fine for the time being before tying the shirt around it tighter. He passed the surprised faces of the prison group as he ran out of the cellblock again. When he ran out the main door that led into the courtyard he knocked straight into Dean's chest.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Dean asked, recuperating from the impact before looking Cas over at arm's length with eyes wide. "Holy shit, what happened? Is this your blood? Are you bit? God, there's so much blood-"

"I'm okay, I'm not bit, I promise. I'm just... a little lightheaded so if I can just..." Cas trailed off as he became dizzy again, falling foreword into Dean as the older Winchester wrapped his arms around him.

"Hey, hey, you can tell me what happened later, we need to get Hershel to take a look at this." Dean said as Cas stuffed his face in his shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut against the pain when Dean reached to put pressure on the wound.

"I thought I wouldn't see you again." Cas whispered against him, reaching around with his good arm to hold onto his waist.

It didn't take long to fix up Cas's shoulder again, a few stitches and some alcohol was enough for him. He was sitting on their bed, back against the wall and flask at his side. He tossed the ACDC shirt he was wearing over to the open duffle and took the wet rag to try to get all the blood off his skin. He heard a whistle from the door and rolled his eyes as Dean sat down next to him with another rag in his hand.

"Hot damn-"

"Don't even start." Cas interrupted with a smile.

"So, are you going to explain what happened now?" Dean asked as he washed the blood off Cas's arm before carefully wrapping a bandage around the knife wound.

"I overheard him and Michonne and tried to save her. He used this damn shoulder against me, long enough to knock me over the head. We probably would have knocked me out cold if walkers hadn't made their way down the hall and cornered us both. The blood loss and headache were really getting to me, but I still managed to keep the biters off long enough for the asshole to play hero and distract them away from me. That's when I finally blacked out, I was sure I wouldn't be waking up again." Cas said, the last part quieter than the rest. He closed his eyes as he felt Dean carefully wash the blood away from the scrape on his forehead, the small lump turning a bluish color already.

"What about the rest off the walkers, how did you get out?" Dean asked hesitantly, pulling away to stare at him with worry.

"I woke up when they started coming again, hid in the shower room I was in earlier-"

"Wait... You went in there to take a shower? Are you serious? You know I've offered to help, Castiel, you don't have to go into a walker infested part of the prison to clean up. Hell, you could have fucking died, you almost did." Dean nearly shouted. Before Cas would have been annoyed by it, but he was just glad he was still there to hear the same lecture. He smiled up at him, which made Dean give him a questioning look.

"Stop looking at me like that, it's making it hard to yell at you." Dean said as Cas leaned over to kiss his nose. "Okay, that's just not fair." He continued, but leaned in to kiss him back anyway.

Cas could tell Charlie was anxious about following after Sam and Kevin, and he couldn't agree more. They had only left slightly earlier the Cas had made it back, so they'd probably be able to catch up in time. He sat up from his bunk and searched the small cell for his jacket. As the sun started to get lower in the sky, it grew colder outside. He was still trying to get used to human temperatures. Charlie took the action as an agreement to her plan and slung her bag over her shoulder. She nodded at Dean, who was standing in the doorway of the cell with an unreadable expression. In a matter of no time they were all piling into the Impala. When they drove up to the gates, Cas got out of the car and killed the few walkers right outside the fence before opening it up enough for the car to pass through. Dean paused on the street as he shut the gates closed behind them and hopped back into the car after dealing with a few persistent walkers.

"How far down have Sam and Kev gotten?" Cas asked, looking over at Dean who had his hands tight around the steering wheel. He switched his attention to Charlie and waited for her answer as she pointed out the way they had gone that morning. They must have made some progress because there was no sign of them on the main road. Seeing as how they had been on foot, they couldn't have gone too far. Daryl was with them, they probably ventured off into the woods to escape the biters roaming the street sides.

"If Merle is taking warrior princess into Woodbury-"

"Now's not the time, Dean." Cas interrupted, shifting his eyes back to Charlie in warning. She stared at him in confusion, but didn't ask what was up. She knew better, if she wanted answers she would have to get him alone, Dean wouldn't let anything slip his tongue that he didn't want her to hear. Cas on the other hand hated secrets, he felt like every time he's had to lie about the truth, one of them got hurt. One time the entire world suffered from his lies. Though the brothers were the worst with lying to each other, and Cas wished they would just realize that being more open led to solving more problems. He knew why Dean lied about their visit to Woodbury a while back to Sam, the talk of anything Gabriel related would have lit a short fuse. At least Gabe didn't end up like those heads the Governor kept in his locked room as trophies, that was just sick. Collecting souls is one thing, and Cas had unfortunately experienced that, but  _heads_? Why would you even want those things thrown into fish tanks just to watch them chomp at the glass like some kind of human/fish hybrid with a side of walker? How did that scream victory to anyone? Sociopaths probably, this guy was a sociopath. Cas couldn't even picture Crowley taking part in something so strange, and he was the king of hell. But that wasn't the entire reason they hadn't told the rest, on their run they saw some of Woodbury's 'army', or whatever he liked to call it, patrolling through the fields with their tank, guns in the hands of all but the one inside the metal death machine (as Dean liked to put it). They decided it would be a great idea to follow behind and start tracking them from a distance to see what they were after, but once they heard friendly conversation between some stragglers in the woods they decided to catch up to see what happened. They expected a recruitment, some questions about who they've killed, and maybe a hand shake or two, but instead they heard screams echo through the woods around them. It was completely inhuman. Once Dean and him had made it to the source of the gunfire, they witnessed the Governor's men killing everybody they had just spoken with.  _Humans_. And to make that even worse, the Governor himself was the one to emerge from inside the tank when all but his men and the dead bodies of the strangers lay in the field. Cas didn't get to stay long enough for an explanation, Dean had dragged him off in the other direction. That's why they didn't tell Sam, because it was then that they realized Gabriel's death might not have been at the hands of a walker. They all knew he was smarter than that, but they never brought the topic up for discussion for many reasons. Cas's biggest question was 'where is he now?' He had been an angel, therefore he'd be hanging out in purgatory about now. Then again he fell when Metatron tricked Cas into pushing the antigravity button in Heaven, so was he there now? Either way there was no way to get him back, both closed away once this apocalypse started. Only the dead could go in, none could come out.

"You okay?" Dean's voice snapped Cas out of his thoughts. He looked over to meet his green eyes and nodded hesitantly, easily faking a smile.

"Yeah... Just thinking." He said, Dean wasn't convinced, but he turned his gaze back to the road ahead anyway, reaching out a hand for Cas's out of impulse. It wasn't long before they came across one of the prison cars parked crookedly in a lot outside a run down gas station. It was somewhere they had gone on close supply runs before, now it was pretty much bare to the the last shelf. There wasn't any sign of Merle in the car, they must have run out of gas and gone the rest of the way on foot. It wasn't as much a miracle that Dean had enough gas in Baby as it was Dean hoarding all the gas he could find. Cas once tried to tell him they should look for a car that didn't use up so much gas, seeing as how there was quite a low supply, but he knew the mistake he made the second the words left his lips. Sam's constant head shaking in the corner of his eyes should have been the first warning sign.

"Which way do you think they-"

"Maybe we should ask Michonne." Charlie interrupted form the back seat. Cas was about the question her when he looked back out the windshield again to see the warrior princess herself walking out of the gas station with her sword slung over her shoulder, stopping in her path to stare at their car.

"Well I'll be damned."

* * *

Sam had lost sight of the car for a while, but once they came upon it parked outside the gas station he knew they were on the right trail. He didn't believe they would actually be able to track them after that point until Michonne, of all people, came walking towards him with her sword at her side, blood dripping off its edge. His mind went straight to Merle, and he knew they would have a hard time explaining this one to Daryl, who was currently glaring at her with a mix of relief and concern.

"Did you?" He asked, having to shout the answer over the small distance as she neared them. She just shook her head, putting the sword away when she realized they weren't a danger.

"I would have, that bastard deserves it. But he let me go." She said, her face scrunching in confusion as if disgusted at her own words. Sam and Kevin stared at her with wide eyes and they all stood in silence for a long time. Daryl seemed less surprised than Sam would have guessed.

"So where's he now?" Daryl asked, watching the woods around them cautiously for any walkers. Michonne shrugged and nodded in the direction she had come from.

"Playing hero, being the dumbass he is." She replied before she walked passed them and made her way into the woods. There was no doubt she was pissed, and Sam didn't want to be on the other end of her sword when she lost it, so he decided not to follow her. They all started on the trail she had pointed out that led straight back to the main road, if anything they could find Merle. If he was playing hero, he was probably still going after the Governor. Daryl knew exactly where that was and didn't have trouble retracing his steps from the day Rick took him and Hershel for support while discussing the truce. This could be Sam's only chance to kill the guy. They walked for a while until they heard music blasting from the road up ahead. No one could possibly be that stupid, it was so loud it could attract a whole herd. Actually no, Merle Dixon could be that stupid. There were already walkers everywhere, all of them scratching at the car and beating against it. The music almost drowned out their groans.

"Did that idiot-?"

"Shush... Listen." Sam interrupted. There were voices coming from an abandoned barn a few yards away from the car. Suddenly a scream echoed from inside, followed by a few crashes and gunshots. Sam was seconds away from running towards the fight when Kevin caught his arm and pulled him back. He could have easily gotten out of the kid's hold, but he let him anyway.

"Are you crazy? Okay, so Woodbury might have been a suicide mission but this... This is a fucking death sentence, Sammy!" He yelled, turning Sam around to face him in one quick motion that surprised Sam at his strength.

"He's in there! We can handle the walkers-"

"You aren't thinking straight-"

"Maybe not, but I can't leave without trying. I can't do that." Sam's eyes softened for a second before he finally shrugged off Kevin's grip and ran towards the barn. He could hear Kevin yelling after him, but he focused on the barn and only the barn. Daryl joined him without a word, it was his brother's life at stake, he knew how that was. The walkers were too interested in the loud music coming from the car, and the dead bodies in the field, to notice him. A few turned their heads and started towards him, but he knew he could outrun them. If he strayed back to put a knife through their heads the rest would hear and notice him all at once. That would be a death sentence, seeing as how the number of walkers was still increasing as they followed the music from neighborhoods over. By the time he made it to the door he didn't even hesitate to run inside. He knew in the back of his mind that he should have snuck in, looked out for who was in his line of sight, and attack from behind. But every instinct just shouted  _run_  and he found himself only feet away from the Governor with his gun held out at arm's length. The Governor seemed more amused than shocked, the three other guys that were with him moved their attention to circle around Sam and Daryl. Daryl was looking around the room anxiously for his brother, back against Sam's and crossbow raised at the Governor's men. There were too many, all had guns pointed at them. He cursed under his breath but turned his attention back to the Governor, who didn't even feel the need to reach for his own gun.

"I knew you Winchesters were stupid, but I didn't imagine you'd be  _this_  stupid." The Governor said. "What did you come for, Dixon? Your brother? He's dead, you'll find him in the back. He betrayed me, I shot him, I had to do what was necessary-" Daryl pushed passed Sam and held the crossbow up to the guy's face with a look of rage Sam hadn't seen before.

"You're lyin'. Merle might be an asshole, but he ain't an idiot-"

"He's dead. Soon enough you'll be too-"

"Shut up, no one else is going to die. Except you." Sam interrupted, looking at Daryl in concern as his arms started to shake from the rage building up inside him. Daryl's brother was dead, the two didn't seem to be as close as Sam and Dean were, but he had been family. And that still hurts.

"Why do you...  _dislike_  me so much?" The Governor said after awhile, his I-Know-Everything voice was more annoying than fingernails on a chalkboard. And that was saying a lot.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because you're a stone cold killer who used one of our family for your entertainment, shot my brother in law twice, and killed Dixon." The Governor continued to seem amused by everything he said. There was no emotion in his eyes, none at all, he looked like an empty shell full of hatred. Sam couldn't believe he actually thought this, but he would rather have a talk with Lucifer.

"I never used any of your family for entertainment, son, I used walkers-"

"His name was Gabriel. Ring a bell?" Sam interrupted, he was sure his eyes could shoot fire at this point, though he was starting to get anxious about the guns pointed at his back and Daryl's ability to hold it together and not get them both killed. The Governor's eyes seemed to drift away from the conversation, deep in thought. He smiled to himself and looked back to Sam.

"I've killed a lot of people, Sam, but I don't always remember the names. He could have just been another straggler-"

"Bullshit. He's smarter than that, he was smarter than that. He wouldn't get himself bit out there on his own before he could... Before he found his way back, before he found us-"

"Accidents happen in a world like this-"

"Fuck you, accidents don't happen to him, he's-"

"-apparently the most important person in the universe. Too bad he's rotting now." Sam wanted so badly to pull the trigger. He knew the rest would shoot him dead for sure, but at least this guy would be dead too. His eyes narrowed and he pulled at the trigger hesitantly, seconds away from ending everything, when he heard a loud crash from behind him.

"Sammy, put the gun down." He heard Kevin's voice from behind him and cursed. Half of the Governor's men turned their attention to the kid within seconds. He couldn't take Kev down with him, he had no other option now.

"Are you  _insane_ , Kevin? Why didn't you wait outside for Dean?! We don't really have the upper hand ri-" Sam was cut off by Daryl finally taking the interruption as a chance to attack the Governor. Sam didn't see what went down, but he heard the weapon fire, followed by a gunshot. In a blur of movement Daryl was on the floor in front of him and the butt of a gun was colliding with Sam's head from behind. Within seconds everything around him faded to black.

* * *

The trail came to an abrupt stop when they came upon a smashed car and a small hoard of walkers. They were starting to scatter, but once they saw all of them walking up they regained their interest. With the four of them it didn't take long, but what they didn't expect to see was a walker on the side of the empty barn chomping away on one of the Governor's right hand men Dean and Cas had seen on their trip to Woodbury. It wasn't just any walker either, it was Merle Dixon.

"Oh my god..." Charlie whispered after she joined them from taking out the last walker by the car and looked over Cas's shoulder at the scene in front of them. When they had run into Michonne on the way here, she explained what happened, all of it with a hidden hatred behind her tongue. Though she did have a knowing look in her eye when she explained how he just let her go. She knew what happened, she knew Rick was the one who did this, but for some reason she wasn't focusing her anger on that. If she hated anyone, it was the Governor. She understood why Rick did what he did. Dean had asked about Sam and Kevin, and she told them they had passed by her earlier, on their way to find Merle. So why weren't they here now? They had been ahead of them and Daryl was an excellent tracker. As the rest of them had started walking further, she stopped Dean in his path to say something.

"Your brother... His eyes were cold when I mentioned the Governor... Stone cold." With that she had nodded and walked around him, on her way back to the prison.

Dean stood in silence for a while until Charlie walked back to snap him out of his worry. They had walked past the remaining walkers and into the barn, but now that he stood inside where the Governor had been, Sam nowhere in sight, he began to feel the same worry again.

"I'm sure they..." Charlie tried, but she couldn't even think of a reasonable excuse. Sam's gun was lying on the dirt floor of the barn, still loaded, at this point there was no guessing where they were. The Governor had them. Cas was kneeled down in front of the gun, turning it over in his hands as he read over the familiar markings and labels. It was Sam's, they could pick out his gun any day because of the initials carved into the butt of it. Dean always told him it was a bad idea, but now that the FBI weren't on their tails it didn't really matter anymore. What good was a name when half the planet was either dead or the walking dead.

"Hey... Little help 'ere?" A voice called from behind a table. Dean rushed over with his gun raised, looking for the source and finding Daryl leaning against a wall with a piece of his shirt ripped and tied around his thigh. He quickly dropped the gun and kneeled down in front of him to look at the wound.

"What happened, where's Sam and Kevin? Why didn't you try to walk on this-"

"I ain't weak, bitch, I would've ran after 'em if I was conscious, the bastard knocked me over the head after shootin' me. I wouldn't 'ave let that happen if I weren't busy tryin' to save yer brother's stupid ass. I'm sorry, he took 'em..." Daryl trailed off as he tried to stand with Dean's help, putting most of his weight on his good leg and tying the makeshift bandage tighter.

"Are they... Did he-?"

"Don't know... I told ya, he knocked me out." Dean stared at Daryl with concern, helping him limp back over to the rest of them.

"You know about your brother?" He asked cautiously. Daryl looked other at him and nodded sadly, expression unreadable.

"Bastard said he killed 'em. I haven't seen for myself, but guess I will now." He said, nodding to Dean before pulling away to walk on his own, limping out the door of the barn.

Dean walked over to kneel down next to Cas after Daryl left, reaching out and taking the gun from his hands. "We'll find them... Promise." Cas didn't even look up from his hands, ignoring Dean completely as Daryl's quiet sobs sounded from outside the barn, followed by walker groans. After awhile Cas stood back up and walked outside without another word. Charlie began to follow, but stopped short to reach out for Dean's hand. Her eyes were red, dirt and blood smeared over her pale cheeks, but she still managed an encouraging smile for him.

"Come on, you're right, we'll find them." Dean let her lead him back outside the barn. Daryl was still sat on the ground beside his dead brother, crossbow at his side, eyes looking straight ahead unseeingly blank. Cas had walked over to him and reached down a hand to help him to his feet. As much as Daryl seemed like the tough guy who never wanted help from anyone as much as he needed it, he reached for Cas's hand and got back on his feet, wiping off the blood and tears from his face in irritation.

"Come on. We've got to get you back and fix up your leg. I'm sorry about-"

"-everyone's always sorry." Daryl interrupted, nodding to Cas before limping towards the Impala without another word. Cas frowned and began to walk back to the Impala as well when Charlie caught his arm, Dean wavering at her side.

"You two listen to me right now," she started, the most serious tone Cas had ever heard the small girl use, "you are both sticking with me at all times. No funny business, no leaving in the middle of night on some suicide mission to Woodbury, no giving up... We're all we've got right now, and we will get them back if you two just decide for once in your lives not to be the hero or dwell in your friggin man pity. This isn't a hunt, this isn't a failed mission, this is family."


	12. Death Do Us Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for my editing procrastination... this took so long to edit an I'm still unsure of perfection but I hope you enjoy it :) It felt like finale type chapter, though it probably isn't the last, and I'm sorry for the angst in advance (though it may have some fluff towards the end)

Kevin sat in the corner of the cell, hands tied behind his back and knees pulled up to his chest. He heard them talking outside the door, harsh whispers about how they were planning to use his death to get back at the Winchesters. Their family hadn't done anything to this community, they were the ones that hurt them. Gabriel was dead and they used him for entertainment, and they were the ones who came and shot up the prison. If anyone should be getting back at someone else, it would be them finally killing the bastard in charge. Sam wasn't in the room, they had dragged him off somewhere else. He had been still knocked out at that point, some blood flowing down from his hairline. Kevin couldn't stop worrying about him. Even if he woke up and was okay, there was no doubt he wouldn't cooperate and try to kill the guy first chance he got. Which would definitely get him killed instead seeing as how they were the ones with their hands tied behind their backs. Kevin wished Andrea was around, he hadn't seen her when they were first brought in, of course he also had a damn blindfold over his eyes that complicated things. There's no way she would be okay with this, with the Governor planning to attack her friends, it wasn't like her. She may not know their family that well, but she was a good person, and she seemed to get along with Cas of all people. 

The door started to creak open and Kevin glared towards the person entering. He'd never seen him before, probably one of the Governor's assistants that did all the dirty work for him. As much as he wanted to make a remark at the guy like Dean would have, he decided to keep quiet so that maybe he'd live a little longer. The cell was shaped like an old shed. There was stuff lying around everywhere, from broken furniture to rusted and unusable tools. He had been slowly scooting towards the broken lamp to pick up the glass from it, but was still only halfway there by the time the guy walked in the damn room.

"Don't even try." The guy muttered when he saw that Kevin had moved from the place they left him. 

  "Try what? My hands are tied behind my fucking back, asshat-"

"Watch your language before I put a bullet through your skull." The guy interrupted, Kevin rolled his eyes at him when he turned his back. 

"Where's my brother?" Kevin asked quietly after a few minutes, the guy turned around to stare at him and tilt his head to the side in confusion.

"You mean the Sasquatch? Kid you aren't even the same ethnicity-"

"Basically adopted into the family, but either way I need to know where he is-" 

"Oh, you _need_ to know? Because you're making orders now, huh?" Kevin stopped asking questioned and leaned back against the wall in frustration. "We make the orders around here, kid, and right now all we want from you is information. If you don't give us the information, one of these knives are coming in contact with that red skin a yers." Kevin glared at the guy and wished like hell he could get out of these damn ties and beat the shit out of him. But at the current moment the guy was walking towards him with knives in his hand. Yeah, it would hurt, but there were enough of them for Kevin to somehow get ahold of one in the process. Then maybe he'd be able to get out of the ties. 

"So... Tell me about Rick's plans."

"Can't even try to guess at those, dude is a keep-to-himself kinda guy with a depressing attitude. Trust me, I know nothing. But hey, you don't care, do you? I could guess as much because that's how every friggin movie goes, doesn't-" Kevin was cut off by one of the knives stabbing into his thigh. He tried to repress the scream, but it didn't work. He didn't do too well with pain, even though being in this position seemed like a common trend now. At this point he might actually pick Crowley over this guy. Crowley had grown to have more of a soul and emotional tie to their family in the recent years, and he's always seemed to have a soft spot for Kevin. Which is of course why he kidnapped and tortured his mom, it apparently ran in the family. He really didn't want to start thinking about his mom, after the outbreak things didn't end so well for her.

Kevin had been so lost in his thoughts that he had completely zoned the guy's bitchy voice out, so seeing as how he didn't hear the question in order to answer, another knife was cutting into his side. He squinted his eyes shut against the pain and started counting down from ten. When he got to zero and the pain was still there he started over. It was something Sam had taught him awhile ago. If anything scared him, anything hurt, he told him to just continue to count down from ten. Only ten little numbers, over an over again, he could get through that. It worked most times and calmed his anxiety, there were no paper bags around to breathe into while tied up in a shed somewhere in Woodbury being tortured, counting was all the previously panicky advanced placement student had. 

"Tell me what the prison is doing to prepare-"

"I'm not telling you shit." Kevin muttered, earning knuckles against his jaw that sent his head banging back into the wall behind him. "That all you got, bitch?" He asked, spitting blood in the guy's face. He really shouldn't have said that. 

  

Sam woke up to the sound of screams coming from the room next to him. The room was dark and his hands were tied behind his back. He looked around quickly and spotted a seat in the very middle of the room, dim light shining down on blonde hair drenched in red. 

"Andrea?" He called out, his voice hoarse. She lifted her eyes to him, staring sadly through the dark as the screams next door continued. He knew it was Kevin, he just tried not to think about it, tried to zone it out. The very thought of someone hurting Kev made him murderous, but actually _hearing_ the screams....  

"I'm so sorry." Andrea said, Sam couldn't walk over to her if he tried, even his feet were tied together. It wouldn't have taken long to get out of the ties, except for the fact that they were wire instead of rope and were currently digging into his skin so tightly it bled. Andrea had it worse, metal cuffs hooked to the chair were locking in her wrists and ankles. 

"It's okay, he'll be okay, he's always okay." Sam was only half convincing himself as the screams got worse and he wished he couldn't hear anything anymore. 

"Not just that. I should have stayed at the prison when I could. I shouldn't have come back, I thought this place had potential but apparently he's too far gone. Cas and Dean? Charlie and all of them, they're still back at the prison, right?" Sam nodded and Andrea sighed in frustration. "He's taking a whole army back there to shoot the place up, please tell me Rick at least has the _slightest_ idea of this happening-"

"He does. They'll be fine, they're strong. And none of this is your fault, Andrea, you trusted false hope is all. You know that saying, satan has a silver tongue, well I would know. He was charming and he seemed like the only hope left to start over. Then he turned around and unleashed the psychotic dickhead he is." Sam said, leaning his head back against the wall of the cell. Andrea laughed emotionlessly and shook her head.  

"And I always thought Eve was such a dumbass for eating that damn apple. Look who's the dumbass now." She muttered, spitting some blood on the floor. Sam frowned at her and closed his eyes as the screams got worse, counting back from ten and hoping Dean would find Kevin. He didn't need saving, this was basically a suicide mission, but he couldn't leave Kevin to follow in his lead. The kid's lost so much and he looked up to him, what a sucky ass role model Sam was. He'd already failed him more than once. 

Suddenly the door opened and the Governor shoved a small guy in, who was almost as bloody as Andrea, before walking in himself and closing the door behind him. The guy looked too weak to move, Sam had never seen him before, but Andrea seemed to recognize him. 

"Im not hurting her-"

“Then You’re not leaving the room." The Governor spat, picking up the guy by his shirt collar and pushing him against the wall. Sam wanted so bad to attack the Governor while he was so close, but he couldn't do anything about it. 

"As for the Winchester, I just wanted you to witness this, I have other plans for you-"

"You're sick." Sam muttered, trying his hardest to get out of the wire ties as the Governor began to usher the bloody guy towards Andrea. It only took a matter of seconds before the guy lost it and rushed around to attack the Governor with the only sharp object he had on him, gaining a knife in the gut. Sam tried to struggle against the wire, but there was nothing he could do. Andrea was screaming at the Governor, but he continued to stab the poor guy over and over again until he couldn't stand anymore and was bleeding out of his mouth. 

"What the fuck?!" Sam shouted at him as the Governor let the guy fall to the floor against the wall. He tried to slide across the floor towards him to try and stop the bleeding somehow, but it was useless. The guy didn't even look to be fighting for life anymore.  

"I do what needs to be done. He will turn, and he will tear the flesh off of her. Say your goodbyes now, Winchester, because you're not sticking around to watch." 

 

* * *

 

  Cas was sitting in his cell bunk as Dean started packing everything they had. Rick decided they were all going to evacuate the prison before the Governor could attack. They weren't abandoning it altogether, just making it seem like they had fled so they had the upper hand in the attack. Everyone in the prison was quiet. Rick felt guilty of his association with Michonne's kidnapping, Carl hated him for it and was giving everyone the silent treatment in response, and Daryl was keeping to himself again. He was most likely still upset about Merle, but tying not to show it. Everyone seemed uneasy around Dean as if he'd explode at any second, and Cas couldn't say he blamed them. Their family was separated and everyone's expressions towards them varied from sympathy to walking on eggshells. Cas backed up on the bunk and brought his knees up against his chest, resting his head against the wall behind him. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend everything was still okay, but it was never okay to begin with. Thoughts of how much harder life would be if they do lose Sam and Kevin like they lost Gabe clouded his mind and made thinking unbearable. Dean's always called him a pessimist, when really he was just rightly intoned with reality.  

"We have to get going, buddy. You okay?" Dean asked softly, dragging Cas out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes to look up at him and nod.

"Yeah, fine... I'm fine." He tried a smile and sat up off of the bunk, almost hitting his head on the top bunk in the process. "Y'know, when all of this is over and we're back in this cell, we're putting these damn mattresses on the floor. I'm tired of these bunks." Dean managed a laugh, handing over Cas's duffle as they began walking out of the cellblock and into the prison courtyard. They had been the last two left inside, everyone else was already packed up and getting into cars. Charlie was trying to get some talk out of Carl to no avail. Glenn kept an eye on the kid from that point on, which Charlie used to her advantage of finally giving up and looking for them. She was currently running up to them with her red hair flying in her face, Cas's jacket looking two sizes too big for her.  

"Think the plan will work out?" She asked when she reached them, taking the extra bag from Dean and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Cas said before walking past them to start packing the Impala. Charlie seemed concerned but didn't say anything, instead she stayed back and left all the questions to Dean. She knew she probably wouldn't get much out of him, but she made it her mission. Once Cas had his duffle in the trunk, he put his gun on his belt and got in the passenger side. He just wanted away from all the activity, all the people rushing about, all the fear and anger. He wanted out. He wished he could just shut his eyes and wake up back in the bunker, the smell of Dean's blueberry pancakes and coffee in the morning, Gabriel and Sam arguing about candy stashes in the room next to theirs. Now they didn't even know if half of their family was still alive. Cas looked over when he heard the door open, watching as Dean sat down beside him and sighed in annoyance. 

"I'm sick of all this waiting, I just want to go." He muttered, not even bothering to look over at Cas, knowing he wouldn't get a response. Charlie put the remaining bags in the trunk before hopping in the backseat. 

"So Rick told me once we get these cars out, I'll be watching over Judith with Hershel and his son in the woods just outside the prison. For some reason he's really starting to trust me, but I wish I could be on my way to Woodbury already." She said before laying across the back bench seat. Cas and Dean would be hiding with the ambush team, partnering with Glenn and Maggie. He liked being in the line of fire, but what he really wanted was to leave. Rick assured them that that was the first place they would go once they drive the Governor away, but he was still anxious about Sam and Kev's safety. 

 

* * *

 

  Sam was in handcuffs, sitting in the back seat of the Governor's truck. There was no way he could get back to Kevin, especially if he died now. They were close to the prison, and he hoped like hell they already got out. The Governor had _a lot_ of people willing to fight, and a lot of weapons to fight with. He didn't know why the Governor brought him. Maybe he wanted him to watch, maybe he wanted to kill him in front of everyone to make an example. Who knew? At this point he didn't care about himself. He was too worried about Kevin, about Andrea, he couldn't care less if he died. But he couldn't stand the thought of losing anyone else. Everyone looked at him like he was the enemy, as if he were the psychotic one here and not the Governor. It was all a matter of perspective, and the Governor had single handily turned them into the murders. When the truck pulled up to the prison gate, it crashed right through it and continued into the tire traps. They wouldn't be moving any further, Michonne's plan worked. They didn't seem to care and shot up everything in sight anyway. Sam tried not to worry too much, he didn't see any cars in the courtyard, maybe they made it out. One of the perch towers caught fire and the Governor's soldier sitting next to Sam opened his door and shoved him out. Having his hands locked behind his back made him land on his face in the dirt, groaning in agitation as he spit some blood onto the ground, before the Governor picked him up by his shirt. 

"We're goin' inside. You’re stickin' with me." Sam glared at the man's confident winning smile. He wouldn't win, Sam knew it, in the end the psychotic ones finally break and they're taken down. It might take awhile, but he'll get what's coming for him. They broke down the gates and walked up to the cellblock doors, trying to pry them open and break the locks. Sam was being escorted by two of the Woodbury soldiers, one of which kept pushing the barrel of a gun into his side. He didn't fear anything anymore, it just agitated him. They got out flashlights and pushed into the cellblock, thank God it was empty, he knew Rick would be smart about this. They were either far from their place, or hiding out somewhere. Sam hoped they were gone, he hoped they wouldn't have to see the Governor kill him, he hoped they weren't stupid enough to put their lives on the line for him. Especially Dean. They should be on their way to Woodbury while they had time to get Kevin. Sam knew the Governor needed every soldier he could get, so maybe Kevin wasn't being tortured anymore. Then again he could be bleeding out, all alone in that small room. The thought made Sam's blood boil.

   When they couldn't find anyone inside the prison, they started to walk back outside in agitation. Sam smiled to himself, the Governor was pissed, and he couldn't be happier at the sight of that. The prison group knew what they were doing. As they were on the way through the courtyard the groups of soldiers split up along the expanse of the walls, and suddenly guns went off from behind them. The shots came from everywhere, and Sam had that sinking feeling again because yes, they _were_ that stupid. The Governor turned around and shot back, pushing Sam out of the way as the soldiers that had been holding him fled. 

"What are you doing? Fight?!" He shouted, but most of the people were on their way back to the cars, some already taken down by gunfire. Sam tried to get out of the guy's grip and run towards the source of the gunfire, but instead the Governor put the gun to his temple and held Sam in front of him as a shield. At that point Sam just wished a stray bullet would hit him. 

"Stop shooting, or I'll blow his head off!" The Governor shouted. The gunfire only hesitated for a second, shouting coming from behind a wall, or inside one of the cell exits, before someone was shoved outside. Sam cursed under his breath when he saw Dean running towards them with his gun held out. 

"That's exactly something a coward would say, asshole." He said, Sam glared at his brother before shaking his head subtly in Cas's direction where he hesitated in the doorway Dean had run out of. 

"I have an army here, you have one gun-" 

"Your army doesn't really seem to be helping much. Did they know you planned a massacre? Were they okay with that-?"

"I will pull this trigger. I'm not opposed to killin' anyone in my way-"

"I've noticed, that's why I'm not opposed to killin' you-"

"Dean, no." The rest of the Governor's main group from the barn attack yesterday were already joining them and pointing their guns at his brother. "I'm... not important. Kevin, you need to-"

"Stop it Sammy, don't start this nonsense-"

"-get Kevin. Get Charlie, get Cas, get all of them out of here. Just leave me." Sam pleaded, he was done fighting, he was done surviving, he was done keeping his head above the water. He just couldn't swim anymore, all the weight was dragging him to the bottom and he was fine with never resurfacing. Glenn, Maggie, and Cas were still shooting at the rest of the intruders as they began making a run for it, not knowing the source of the gunfire coming in from all sides. The Governor kicked Sam behind the knees until he was on the ground again, gun still pointed down at his head. He looked at Dean one more time and managed a sad smile for barely a second before closing his eyes against the commotion around him. The look on Dean's face was too much to watch, he didn't look disappointed or angry, just scared. He looked like the terrified kid who lost dad on a hunt, the kid who worried about a scrape on Sam’s knee, the brother who already had to watch the world implode. _Close your eyes, Sammy._ Sam heard a gun go off, but he didn't feel the impact he expected. Nothing went dark, there was no white light to walk into, just nothing. He opened his eyes to see legs running at him and picking him up off the ground. More shots fired past him as Dean dragged him away. Sam struggled against his brother's hold, but it didn't do any good. He looked back over his shoulder at where the Governor was running back with his hand clutching his chest. He was bleeding out, getting paler by the second as the few men with him were shot at by the prison goers, until they finally ran them off. Everyone got in the trucks and sped away. Everything happened in seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Sam was covered in some of the Governor's blood. Dean shoved him into the door Cas was standing in, yelling curses in his ear before he wrapped his arms around him. He held on to him as if he were already dead, face hidden against Sam's shoulder. 

"Don't ever... _ever_ think you're not important. Do you know what would happen to me if I lost you? Do you?" Sam gave up and fell into the undeserving hug, arms wrapping around his brother as he stared over his shoulder at Cas, whose eyes were red. 

"We need to get Kevin, why didn't you shoot at the guy's head, you had a clean shot?" Sam asked, Dean pulled him away at arm's length and glared at him.

"Because _I_ didn't shoot him. If I had made a move he would have killed your stupid ass on the spot. He was shot from behind by Rick, which gave me enough time to get you the hell out of there. What do you think you were doing giving into a bullet in the head? What what Bobby say? What would Gabe say-?"

"Nothing, because they're both dead, Dean." Sam interrupted, Cas flinching at his words. He looked seconds away from walking away before he moved between the brothers and pushed them apart angrily. 

"I've had _enough_. I’ve had it. You two just need to work things out at a later time. Sam, I understand why you would think a bullet is the easy way out of this life, but Dean doesn't understand at the moment, and he may never understand when it comes to you or me. The best thing for you to do is not argue. Kevin is still in Woodbury, and whether the Governor is wounded badly enough or not, he'll be heading back there. We need to ambush them. We don't have time to pity ourselves, you both need to grow the fuck up." Cas shouted, turning to look at both of the Winchesters sternly with no emotion left in his eyes, and right then he looked near terrifying. The prison community had come out of their hiding places and were staring at the small family with concern. Sam's eyes softened as he looked from Cas back to his brother, who looked seconds from breaking apart. "We're getting Charlie, and we're saving Kevin. All we have is each other, and as much as either of you want to give up and fall to pieces, just realize how much that affects the rest of us. Realize how it would affect me if either of you... we'll figure it out, okay?" Cas continued, eyes returning to Dean, who nodded, his hand reaching out for Cas, who pushed it away and walked off towards the rest of the prison community. Dean looked hurt at the motion but brushed it off and looked back up at Sam. 

"Let's go find Kev." He said, Sam hesitated for a second before he turned around and walked away as well, spotting red hair running through the small crowd that had gathered in the middle of the courtyard. Charlie practically jumped into his arms, holding onto him so tight she could've crushed his ribs. 

"I thought I'd never see you again-"

"I'm okay, Charles-"

"Where's Kevin?" She asked, pulling back to look around in concern. Her eyes darkened at the realization that he wasn't there. "He isn't... He isn't de-"

"No, no, Charlie, don't think that. I don't know for sure, all I know is he's still at Woodbury, and that's where we're heading-

"Exactly, we need to finish the guy off. We were sloppy, we've only managed to weaken them, but they could come back anytime." Rick interrupted, Daryl walking at his side with his crossbow slung over his shoulder. Dean had walked over by then, Charlie still attached to Sam's arm and holding on tightly as if she'd never let go again. Carl and Hershel had gone inside with Judith, both looking like they'd seen the worst. Maggie and Glenn were stripping off the prison gear and celebrating the small victory, but they didn't want to be part of the team going back to Woodbury. Sam could understand why, after what happened to them last time, no one could blame them. He just wished everyone would hurry up.

 

* * *

 

Kevin woke up facing the floor. His cheek was lying against the cold floor, something sticky all over his skin. His head felt like it was constantly being knocked into with a metal bat, the pain increasing as he tried to sit up. The room seemed to rotate around him, so he squeezed his eyes shut against the dizziness and groaned in pain as he sat the rest of the way up. That's when he realized that all of the sticky stuff was his own blood. He opened his eyes and looked down at the wounds, finally remembering everything that happened before he blacked out as he traced over the cuts in his skin delicately. There was an open gash on his head, which must have been were the headache came from, as well as the cause of him passing out. His arms were lined with cuts, some deeper than others, and blood was soaking through his jeans from where the guy decided to stab a knife into his thigh. He felt pain in his shoulders and collarbones but he didn't even want to look, everything he did hurt. Simply blinking felt like someone punching him in the nose, which of course might be broken. Hopefully not, they didn't have doctors to set noses anymore, and he'd rather not have a crooked one the rest of his probably short-lived life. Kevin rubbed his wrists where the wire used to be, wondering why they had left him untied. They probably thought he'd die, or maybe they just knew he wasn't strong enough anymore to find a way out. He knew he should be trying to stand up and take the opportunity to escape given to him, but the slightest movement hurt. On the other hand the screaming coming from the other room across the hall made him a little uneasy. It wasn't Sam, it was a girl, but the screaming was short lived. He cursed under his breath, she was probably dead now, whoever she was. He couldn't even try to help her. He pushed himself across the floor and rested his back against the wall, leaning his head against the hard surface and closing his eyes. At this point he knew he was going to die, it was inevitable, at least he'd get to see his mom again. Maybe.  

"Well isn't this a sorry sight. I honestly thought you'd be stronger than that, kid." A voice came out of the darkness. Kevin's eyes shot open at the thick accent and familiar tone.

"There is no fucking way you're here... Stupid headache, stupid gash-"

"I'm pretty sure I'm real. Took me awhile to find you Winchesters, I just followed a trail of plaid shirts." The source of the voice stepped into the light and kneeled down in front of Kevin, cocking his head to the side with interest. When he got a better look at Kevin, his eyes seemed to soften as if they were even capable of emotion. As far as Kevin knew, the king of hell was the furthest thing from emotional. 

"You're... not here." Kevin muttered again, his head felt worse and worse which each word he said. But there he was, Crowley, missing in action ever since hell closed up, just sitting there in silence and staring at him as if he cared about his wellbeing. 

"You need to listen to me, Kev. Listen carefully. You need to wake up. You need to wake up and you need to get to your feet, as much as it may hurt, and get the hell out of that place. Big things are coming, these gates have been sealed shut ever since the beginning of this disease, but it won't be that way forever. Cas gets them too, doesn't he? The premonitions, the bad dreams? Kevin they're warnings, I'm a warning, you need to listen to me. There are big things coming, and you need to wake up _now._ " Crowley reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder, almost comfortingly, as Kevin stared at his sincere eyes in shock. He was about to ask what things, and why he was supposed to wake up if he were already awake, when Crowley disappeared and the black faded around him until Kevin's eyes opened again to hands shaking him where Crowley's hand had been placed. 

"Wake up- oh my god, he's awake! You're okay, we're here, you're okay." Kevin's eyes focused on Sam kneeling in front of him, eyes full of worry. He was still rested against the wall of the room, maybe he'd dozed off and dreamt up Crowley. He couldn't be sure, but it scared him more than anything. Before he could say anything, or even think, Sam was lifting him off the ground and holding him carefully in his arms, trying not to hurt him too badly as Kevin winced in pain from the change in position. He realized some pieces of Sam's shirt had been tied tightly around the bigger wounds that were still bleeding. Kevin rested his head against Sam's chest and closed his eyes again as he felt him start to walk out of the room. He heard Charlie's voice following after them, but it sounded distant and airy. He knew he wouldn't be awake much longer, so he took the chance to tell Sam what he'd heard. 

"We need to get out of this place... big things are coming. Crowley told me." 

 

Once they knew Kevin was safe with Sam and Charlie, Cas had followed Dean into the other room that had blood pooling under the door. Rick and Daryl managed to knock it open, and what they found inside must not have been too pretty. The expressions on their faces ranged from shock to sadness, and Cas didn't know if he even wanted to see for himself. Dean had already walked into the room with Rick, Daryl, and Michonne, and was now looking back at Cas sadly. It had to be Andrea, he just knew it was, who else would be here in Woodbury that they knew? He finally walked in to see for himself. Rick was kneeled on the floor in front of the blonde woman he knew so little about, yet still felt an attachment to. Blood was covering her clothes and hands, she'd been bite on the shoulder, there was no way to stop the disease from spreading. Cas had completely drowned out all the conversation between them and watched in silence as Michonne sat at Andrea's side, close to tears, while Rick handed over his gun. After he stood back up and him and Daryl left the room, her eyes traveled up to Cas's.

"Hi." She said, forcing a smile on her face as he walked over to kneel in front of her. "You found Sam and Kevin, right? They're okay?" Cas nodded, she seemed very pleased to know this.

  "Kevin isn't in the best shape, but he'll be alright. I wish you would have stayed at the prison with us, Andrea. I'm so sorry, I should have asked-"

"Hey, it's okay. I tried my best, made all the decisions I could have. I may have some regrets of my own, but you have a lifetime to forget about yours." She said, reaching out to hold onto his hand, fingers weak and burning with the fever. Cas managed a smile for her as much as he felt like breaking 

"This is just a world full of loss and plenty of regret, you will be with your sister again. If anything, know that." Cas said sincerely, squeezing her hand one more time before letting go and standing up. Andrea smiled at him as Dean reached down to say his goodbyes as well before they both left the room, shutting the door behind them and waiting for the gunshot to sound. Cas walked further away from the group, over to where Sam was waiting with Kevin in his arms and Charlie at his side. She was clutching at his jacket as if he'd disappear if she ever let go again. Dean was at Cas's side in seconds, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against him. This time he didn’t pull away, giving up and shutting his eyes against his chest as the gun went off and echoed throughout the room. 

* * *

 

When they got back to the prison, Hershel finished cleaning and bandaging all of Kevin's wounds, giving him loads of pills before saying he'd be okay for the night. Sam wasn't convinced, he explained how Kevin told him he talked to Crowley, which worried all of them even more. It was something about big things coming, and seeing as how he was still technically a prophet, it could have been more then just a simple hallucination. But they wouldn't know the full story until Kevin was well enough to tell it, and at the moment he was sleeping in Sam's cell on the bottom bunk, Charlie curled up at his side. She had pulled a blanket over them and was moving the blood soaked hair out of Kevin's eyes, tear streaks dried up on her cheeks. Sam walked into the cell and kneeled down beside the bed, looking over at her in concern.

  "He'll be okay, Charles." Sam said quietly, Charlie's eyes lifting to meet his as she rested her head down on the pillow beside Kevin.  

"I know. I'm just worried, and I don't want to leave him. You'll stay on the top bunk, right?" She asked, sleep deprivation showing clearly in her voice as her eyelids grew heavier by the second. 

   "Yeah, I'll be right up there. We'll all be fine Charlie-"

   "Maybe we should leave this place. Start over." She interrupted, staring at Sam with the greatest sincerity. He was taken aback, but he didn't bother to question her, he knew why she wanted to go. 

"Maybe, but that's something we can talk over later. Get some sleep." Sam whispered, smiling at her as she nodded in agreement before he climbed up to the top bunk and fell asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow. 

 

Cas couldn't sleep, he sat on the floor against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest and head in his hands. He was exhausted. Tired of living, tired of keeping everyone safe, tired of pretending he was alright, tired of pretending to be happy here. He didn't have any hope left, he just made it seem like he did so no one would worry about him. All of them were living lies. Dean was out checking on Kevin again, just making sure he was still breathing. He was beat up pretty bad, and these premonitions of Crowley of all people were starting to worry Cas even more. His nightmares have gotten worse lately, he just refrained from waking Dean, he was sick of feeling weak. The human emotion of fear bothered him the most. Of course he'd been scared before as an angel, but he only thought he felt that way because of the things Dean told him, he never actually _felt_ it. Not like this. 

"Hey." Cas lifted his head out of his hands to find Dean in front of him, sitting back on his knees and reaching out to wipe the stray tears off of Cas's cheek. "Talk to me." He whispered, moving to sit next to him and rest his hand on his leg. Cas didn't say anything, he just laid his head against Dean's shoulder.

"Castiel, please." Dean continued, squeezing his hand. Cas stared at the two bunk mattresses pushed together on the floor in front of him, covered with all the blankets they've picked up along the way. 

"I see you've moved the mattresses off the bunk-"

"Cas, really-"

"So... you plan on staying here, huh?" Cas asked, looking up at Dean in question. Dean just stared at him in silence, trying to figure out what Cas was really getting at. 

"Of course. I mean, this is the safest-"

"Is it though?" Cas interrupted. He saw Dean actually take a second to think harder about it. Yes, it was the safest they've been from walkers, but was it really the safest from everyone else? From people like the Governor who shot up his whole army because they failed their mission. He just took off after that, he could be anywhere now. They were used to monsters, used to every possible thing that lived to kill, but God's creations becoming their own monsters terrified Cas. Not because he didn't think he could win against them, but because it made him doubt the existence of his dad at all. At this point he could be gone for good, never coming back, for fucks sake he left them with this mess. This plague of death. Everyone already had the disease, what was the point of all of it? Was he angry? This was no flood, this was a sick massacre that kept the dead alive and killing. Humanity was falling apart and the gates to heaven and hell were shut. There were no monsters anymore, there were just humans. And humans have become the worst monsters of all.

  "He doesn't have an army anymore, Castiel, all it takes is another shot and the guy's dead. Rick should have taken the chance when he could, but like Andrea said, we have to live past our regrets. Look at me." Dean said, waiting for Cas's eyes to lift up to his before he continued, "yes, the world is fucked up. Yes, we can't save everyone anymore. Of course we've lost a lot, and we'll continue to lose a lot. But we can't lose ourselves, and I can't lose you. God, Cas, my brother was willing to just give up and die today, and you seemed like you understood his reasoning and weren't angry about it. I don't care where we go, how long we keep fighting, but that's just it: we always keep fighting. And when I look to my side the only remaining hope that I have left is to see you standing next to me. That's what we live for, Cas. We live for this family, we live for the people we love, we live for ourselves. As much as I try to keep you guys safe and alive, the only one who can save you is you. All I can ask is... please stay with me." Cas just wanted to curl up in his arms and never have to deal with the world again, but he knew that would never be the case. He was about to explain how he’d never even think of leaving his side when he felt something cold and metallic being dropped into his palm. He looked down at it in confusion as Dean closed his hand over his. 

"Dean-"

"Let me have this. If anything, just this." Dean interrupted, eyes traveling down to Cas's hand as he opened his palm to stare down at the silver wedding band. "Charlie and Kevin found them, apparently they've picked them up along the way." Cas looked from the ring back up to Dean, uncertain of what exactly to think. Charlie had spoken about this certain tradition once before, but he only half understood. 

"You mean-"

"I know, it's stupid, it's just a label and all and I suck at timing-"

"Marriage-?"

"You don't have to, I mean, this is-"

  "Shut up." Cas said, closing his hand over the ring and leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Where's yours, aren’t there usually two?” He asked softly against his skin, pulling back enough to get a good look at Dean's bright red cheeks as he reached to pull the other ring out of his jacket pocket. Cas stole the metallic object from his hand and gently slid it onto Dean's finger. He knew which one the ring finger was ever since their engagement, which seemed like forever ago. Dean was watching Cas as he traced his finger over Dean's ring absentmindedly, before he reached for Cas's ring and did the same. It was cold against Cas's skin, and looked out of place against his blood and dirt ridden hands, but he didn't mind. He didn't realize how long he was sat there, staring down at his fingers curled through Dean's, until Dean reached out to lift his chin up and meet his eyes. After everything, after Gabe, after Kevin and Sam getting hurt, after the Governor, after all the fucking walkers, after God himself not paying enough attention to the world... As miserable as Cas was, or as bad as he ever felt, having Dean staring at him that way he always did with those bright green eyes and laughter lines and freckles dotting over his nose, made everything seem okay. If even for the smallest fraction of a second, he felt like he was home again.  

"Please stay with me, too." His whispered after awhile, voice smaller than usual. 

"Always."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed it! As always feedback is greatly encouraged and appreciated, tell me what you think(:


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